why is it hard to like other people’s boy children

I've got an 11 year old daughter at primary school and while the school system itself is difficult at times, it's boys that make the hardest days so hard. And the school enables it. I've posted on here before about how she was used as a buffer between 'difficult' boys to the detriment of her own wellbeing and work and that's just one example. She has got no time for boys. There was one little boy in her friend group until this year, he had been to our house for dinner multiple times after school and they would hang out at the park, and now she said he's started swearing at the teachers and she just can't be bothered with him. They say little girls are full of drama but it's clear she'll take that any day over the disruptive children, who are, to a man as they say, boys.

'Boy mum' culture is minging and schools failing to deal with disruptive behaviour from them is just the groundwork for what comes later from men.

My SS has likely a good chance of maturing but my nephew (brought up by my sister) is truly a little prince and beyond help. I won’t babysit him anymore. His dad is completely hands off and he’s just copying the same so they both have all the females running around after them - I refuse to do this; so I do clash with the expectation that I’m put on this earth to serve men.

Whilst we still have such awful high rates of male violence towards women I am not sure it’s much of a shock that this might be related to parenting and living in a patriarchal society I just don’t think people like to hear it. It’s not like things are getting better for women. Do we not now have incels and red pill?

I made this post after having one of those weekends that’s made me and DH frustrated. I’m mooching onto MN reading about other people’s useless selfish husbands. I think it must be hard to raise boys especially if you don’t have good male role models

I am a mother to girls, and have no brothers and I admit I don’t have much experience of raising or being around boys. The boys in my life I can find them overwhelming, frustrating and to be honest, self centred and lazy.

However, I am wondering if this is related to how people parent the boys, and a patriarchal society rather than the boys - as in it’s not their fault, they were not born this way. Is this something other parents have noticed, like Little Prince Syndrome?

My husband has a 12yo son and even after 5 years I struggle to bond with him. I have 2 x 9yo nephews and I also struggle with them. All 3 kids have different parents.

The boys are all overbearing in conversations - yell and talk over everyone else and already at their age ?!? mansplain and refuse to accept explanations or answers, challenging everything, ie. They all seem to ‘know better’ when a female answers a question and all have very singular topics they are only interested in, not interested in other people really. Step son is obsessed with football, so everything you do has to centre around that, and if it doesn’t, he’s completely disinterested in anything else and just mopes about.

I notice the boys all seem to opt out of clearing up, after a meal finished they will return to either talking about their chosen topic without noticing everyone else is clearing up, or go do their own activity, and have to be asked/reminded to do even minor tasks such as take a plate to the kitchen. I often watch them at family parties and while everyone else is pitching in, they have wandered off kicking a ball around quietly and when asked to help ‘oh I didn’t realise…’ however if it’s something slightly dangerous, they will barge in and get in your way even if you don’t want them to help they feel entitled to ‘help’ like SS demanding to be allowed to ‘light the BBQ’ unsupervised

They are nice boys, but I often read posts on here about people’s useless husbands, and think hmm well, there seems to be an awful lot of these males around… and it probably starts young!

My DH often feels frustrated as he’s very much an equal partner with a female, and believes in equality. He feel like he’s always nagging his son to try to get him to learn about life but many females seem to enable this! DH’s mum acts like SS is made of china, and my mum is the same with my nephew.

Is there a way we can tackle this as society?

The problem is you’re wanting them to be exactly like the girls in your life, you’ll never connect with them. Try talking to your nephews and stepson about the things they love, you can then ask them to help as you’re chatting. My DS will help around the house as long as I’m letting him talk too. We have some amazing conversations about the things he lives, I’ve learnt so much from him and, as I’ve listened to him he will then listen to me when I talk about myself. If you never speak to them you’ll never know them, they’ll see you rejecting them simply because they’re boys, that is more on you than them. If you never teach them the art of conversation how in earth do you expect them to learn it? I know you’re not their parent but you are an adult in their life, act like it.

I have a daughter too, in case you want to dismiss me as a ‘boy mum’.

Maybe. But is there a plague of bad women in society harming men? No.

I went to an all girls secondary, and believe me there was a lot of disruptive behaviour.

@Halfmunch You should meet my DS2- def not a "typical" boy; sweet, kind, sensitive and funny. All parents love him. Nothing to do with parenting (except that he's very polite perhaps) but it's his personality. DS1 is polite as well but in other aspects what you would expect of a boy : plenty of energy, running around, loud. He's kind but a handful.

The barbecue story is interesting. Why wasn’t it safe for him to light the barbecue unsupervised? If it’s because he wanted to do it with a petrol can then YANBU. If it’s simply because he’s twelve then YABU. A twelve year old should be able to light a barbecue.

I wonder if this story is illustrative. In my totally subjective experience, mothers of only girls are sometimes surprised by boys and their “risky” behaviour. Fathers/mothers of boys may be more used to it. I wonder if what was going on in that story was tension about different levels of risk tolerance. Your stepson thought he should be able to light the barbecue, you thought it was too risky for a twelve year old, your DH backed you up because you’re his wife, but would probably have let SS get on with if if you weren’t there. SS was annoyed because you were the blocker to something he would otherwise have been allowed to do.