Page 6 | why is it hard to like other people’s boy children

Halfmunch · 2026-04-26T09:00:36+00:00

I am a mother to girls, and have no brothers and I admit I don’t have much experience of raising or being around boys. The boys in my life I can find them overwhelming, frustrating and to be honest, self centred and lazy. However, I am wondering if this is related to how people parent the boys, and a patriarchal society rather than the boys - as in it’s not their fault, they were not born this way. Is this something other parents have noticed, like Little Prince Syndrome? My husband has a 12yo son and even after 5 years I struggle to bond with him. I have 2 x 9yo nephews and I also struggle with them. All 3 kids have different parents. The boys are all overbearing in conversations - yell and talk over everyone else and already at their age ?!? mansplain and refuse to accept explanations or answers, challenging everything, ie. They all seem to ‘know better’ when a female answers a question and all have very singular topics they are only interested in, not interested in other people really. Step son is obsessed with football, so everything you do has to centre around that, and if it doesn’t, he’s completely disinterested in anything else and just mopes about. I notice the boys all seem to opt out of clearing up, after a meal finished they will return to either talking about their chosen topic without noticing everyone else is clearing up, or go do their own activity, and have to be asked/reminded to do even minor tasks such as take a plate to the kitchen. I often watch them at family parties and while everyone else is pitching in, they have wandered off kicking a ball around quietly and when asked to help ‘oh I didn’t realise…’ however if it’s something slightly dangerous, they will barge in and get in your way even if you don’t want them to help they feel entitled to ‘help’ like SS demanding to be allowed to ‘light the BBQ’ unsupervised They are nice boys, but I often read posts on here about people’s useless husbands, and think hmm well, there seems to be an awful lot of these males around… and it probably starts young! My DH often feels frustrated as he’s very much an equal partner with a female, and believes in equality. He feel like he’s always nagging his son to try to get him to learn about life but many females seem to enable this! DH’s mum acts like SS is made of china, and my mum is the same with my nephew. Is there a way we can tackle this as society?

Hardgarden · 26/04/2026 14:41

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Halfmunch · 26/04/2026 14:40

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Hardgarden · 26/04/2026 14:34

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Halfmunch · 26/04/2026 14:33

I have taken this quote from the NPCC website

In 2024, police chiefs declared VAWG a national emergency through a national statement, calling for a whole-system approach that brings together criminal justice partners, government bodies, health and education to collectively tackle the threat, through earlier identification of perpetrators and prevention work.

Deputy Assistant Commissioner Helen Millichap took responsibility for the national portfolio for Violence Against Women and Girls (VAWG) in June 2025 and is also the Director of the National Centre for VAWG and Public Protection (NCVPP).
DAC Millichap said:

“The challenge with VAWG offences is the sheer scale and complexity of the crimes. But if we were able to identify patterns of behaviour early, interventions can also take place way before the police are involved, stopping future perpetrators and preventing new victims. The whole system needs to step into this threat, and it starts early. Policing has a unique role, and we are up for the challenge, but we are only one part of a wider system that must play their part.

“The work we have done over the last few years has been steadily creating a new culture in policing where I truly believe the focus required is not in doubt. What I want, is to show the public that progress is happening and for them to be confident that it is happening everywhere.”

Law enforcement alone cannot reduce the scale and impact of VAWG. 1 in 20 people are estimated to be perpetrators of VAWG per year, with the actual number thought to be significantly higher.

Evidence shows many of these perpetrators will have touch points with a number of agencies outside of policing through their life, presenting opportunities for intervention.

This includes health, education, local authority, voluntary sector and industry all working in tandem with the criminal justice system, sharing data and responsibilities to effect change across the board.

Stats show someone’s son on this thread will commit a crime against a woman in his lifetime.

Call to action as VAWG epidemic deepens

3,000 offences recorded each day, 1 in 12 women victims each year

https://news.npcc.police.uk/releases/call-to-action-as-violence-against-women-and-girls-epidemic-deepens-1

OP posts:

tsmainsqueeze · 26/04/2026 14:25

Halfmunch · 26/04/2026 14:04

I’ve actually come to realise from this threadI am sensitive to seeing this because I’ve been so heavily exposed to male violence, oppression etc on a personal level.

as many responding are women, and not men, I am talking to mothers and not the fathers here. That doesn’t mean I excuse fathers from this topic. I think some women are more fortunate than others, they do not have such a wealth of dark experiences related to men, perhaps this makes it far easier to blinker yourself from reality and the truth. I would even put my own sister into this category. It doesn’t really bother her that her son/husband might behave this way because she doesn’t connect it to being wrong or that it might have a detrimental impact upon a women, it’s not that bad, doesn’t really affect anyone - but yet, it does. My sister has been conditioned to accept this is male/female roles and I don’t accept it because I’ve personally experienced abuse of these roles. Every time we as parents/society accept or allow something to go on that’s not acceptable another generation of boys is learning the same lesson over and over.

I suspect it’s just easier to see potential future threat to society in male children as girls are overall less likely to commit a crime. I’m not the creator of these statistics so I don’t know why I get told I’m being delusional.

Edited

You are 100% right about the future threat to society from male children sadly, you are not delusional .
Thankfully I have had largely positive experiences related to men but i certainly do not consider myself blinkered, i am worldly and switched on .
But your original post will have rubbed many parents up the wrong way with your comments about boy children, it's disappointing that you see them so negatively.
The vast majority of children aren't going to grow up as a threat to women or become criminals and out of the men they become a large proportion will contribute equally to the families they create.

Sunbeam01 · 26/04/2026 14:20

Absolute tosh.

What a ridiculous ridiculous thread.

I wonder if the OP even has children or is this pure rage bait?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/04/2026 14:19

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 26/04/2026 12:31

I do recognise some of what you describe OP.

I was over at the in-laws yesterday and my husband, BIL and FIL were all sitting watching football during lunch (all seated by MIL to watch the wall mounted TV behind me and her). My MIL basically skivvied for them and FIL was so fucking rude when she brought him pudding without a spoon. My 2yo told him to say thank you (we regularly get schooled in manners if we slip up at home). She also serves penis portions (starved me when BFing), and offered me to got sit away upstairs so as not to spook other male relatives at a party.

So there are still households who bring up boys to be very uncouth.

You are unlucky to know a few. My son and all his little boy pals are delightful creatures. He spontaneously thanks us for things that happened days ago ("thank you for taking me to the party mummy"), helps lay the table, loads the dishwasher etc. Loves to play with and look after babies too.

I'm not deluded that he'll stay like this, but he is being raised no different than if he was a girl.

This is all true but I don’t think this means “it’s hard to like boy children”

The men watching the TV behind you at a meal is awful - I’d have been tempted to walk out. As are the penis portions. I’d have been very vocal about that if it’d been me - but all the more so I’d have expected DH to be - “oh no, Mum, the Ninky needs more food than me, she’s bfing remember! I’ll just get up and get here some more, or if there’s not enough I’ll swap.”

I remember once being with family and family friends at a restaurant in Rome (not an expensive one). Sat down at the table and then realised all the men were sitting on the other side - then looked over my shoulder and there was a big screen behind me all ready to show the footie! Couldn’t walk out as sadly I was 17 and with my parents.

Hellohelga · 26/04/2026 14:17

These boys sound badly raised. My DS and his friends are a great bunch - lively and lots of fun but still respectful and helpful.

Hardgarden · 26/04/2026 14:12

I’m intrigued how well your daughters get on with your DSS!

Reasonstobelieve · 26/04/2026 14:09

Hmm! Sounds like you are disappointed you never had a son. I wouldn't swap my sons for anything. I have a young grandaughter now & we're like peas in a pod. I love her like my own but I have to admit I still have a huge soft spot for the boys in my extended family. I'm sorry this has been your experience OP.

tsmainsqueeze · 26/04/2026 14:04

CoffeeCantata · 26/04/2026 13:47

My son (now late 20s) was not what is annoyingly called 'a typical boy'. He was always polite, gentle and well-behaved - honestly! I had a daughter first and am one of two sisters, so yes, what are annoyingly called 'real boys' (by so many stupid people) came as a bit of a shock to my system. They came on playdates and would come into the house like a hurricane, shouting and kicking anything in sight and throwing themselves around the furniture.

Fortunately for me he soon made friends more like himself - clever, thoughtful boys who didn't leave a wreck of splintered chairs and broken toys behind.

What is a typical boy ?
My boys were inquisitive , curious ,adventurous and energetic .
They were also well mannered and polite and absolutely never left a wreck of broken chairs and toys behind.
My daughter was quite similar in many ways but unlike her brothers she was never concerned about getting dirty and muddy , is that a typical girl ?
They have a father who has always treated me respectfully so they know what is expected of them and my daughter knows how she should be treated.
These expectations are to do with respect , self respect and common decency i have never differentiated my expectations of them because of their sex.
To me there is no 'typical'.

Original poster

Halfmunch · 26/04/2026 14:04

I’ve actually come to realise from this threadI am sensitive to seeing this because I’ve been so heavily exposed to male violence, oppression etc on a personal level.

as many responding are women, and not men, I am talking to mothers and not the fathers here. That doesn’t mean I excuse fathers from this topic. I think some women are more fortunate than others, they do not have such a wealth of dark experiences related to men, perhaps this makes it far easier to blinker yourself from reality and the truth. I would even put my own sister into this category. It doesn’t really bother her that her son/husband might behave this way because she doesn’t connect it to being wrong or that it might have a detrimental impact upon a women, it’s not that bad, doesn’t really affect anyone - but yet, it does. My sister has been conditioned to accept this is male/female roles and I don’t accept it because I’ve personally experienced abuse of these roles. Every time we as parents/society accept or allow something to go on that’s not acceptable another generation of boys is learning the same lesson over and over.

I suspect it’s just easier to see potential future threat to society in male children as girls are overall less likely to commit a crime. I’m not the creator of these statistics so I don’t know why I get told I’m being delusional.

OP posts:

Thumber · 26/04/2026 14:01

I am one of all girl siblings and all of my children are boys. I am absolutely positive that my life with all boys is a lot lot easier than my Mum’s life with all girls. She had it HARD with us lot when we were little 😅.

Hardgarden · 26/04/2026 14:01

How well do you daughters get on with your DSS OP? How old are your DDs?

Original poster

Halfmunch · 26/04/2026 13:58

ProudAmberTurtle · 26/04/2026 13:54

That's a good answer.

Can you just be clear though - when you say 'women' you're not including ones with penises? (I don't think you are but some TRAs might obfuscate with an answer like that)

Show quote history

I don’t have any issue with people wanting to transition, and I’m not active in any circles regarding this, but women don’t have penises. I probably align with JK Rowling

OP posts:

ProudAmberTurtle · 26/04/2026 13:55

TBH I have gone from thinking the OP is a troll lunatic to accepting she does have a point throughout this thread

Original poster

Halfmunch · 26/04/2026 13:54

tsmainsqueeze · 26/04/2026 13:43

The op has moved the debate on into how boys are raised and the effect on society , it is quite obvious how lack of guidance ,mentoring , male role model, social media has a detrimental effect on boys /young men you would have to be pretty dim to have not realised that.
My annoyance with her post is that i think it came across as another goady boy hating thread of which there are so many , i do actually believe she was feeling that when she wrote it but has tweaked it somewhat to dig herself out a little.

I think this is just how debate/conversation tends to work. Do you tend to just talk at people with a fixed topic, or to them and see different perspectives and adapt your points as time progresses. I made this point in my second paragraph. I just also included my male relatives as examples

People just keep coming here to make wild statements about me because it’s way easier to conclude I’m a horrible troll lunatic rather than have any valid points and that you all do know what I am saying is based in truth

OP posts:

ProudAmberTurtle · 26/04/2026 13:54

Halfmunch · 26/04/2026 13:35

Women are statically more vulnerable than men and more likely to be harmed by a man. I support women only spaces

Show quote history

That's a good answer.

Can you just be clear though - when you say 'women' you're not including ones with penises? (I don't think you are but some TRAs might obfuscate with an answer like that)

ToddlerMumAddictedtoCoffeee · 26/04/2026 13:52

Sounds like you know some really shit parents.

I do find the ages of 9-14 the most potentially annoying of all though. Younger ones are cute. Older teens stay away and barely speak to you. When a preteen is annoying, they are reaaaally annoying.

Hardgarden · 26/04/2026 13:50

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Theseventhmagpie · 26/04/2026 13:48

maudelovesharold · 26/04/2026 10:09

If I started a thread about all the whiny, whingy, self-centred, brattish girls I’ve come across, and how my ds are much more straightforward, nicer, more pleasant human beings to be around, I wonder how that would be received?
I know the op is being deliberately goady, but nevertheless, I feel moved to comment in case someone reads it and actually agrees!

Edited

Totally agreed.

CoffeeCantata · 26/04/2026 13:47

My son (now late 20s) was not what is annoyingly called 'a typical boy'. He was always polite, gentle and well-behaved - honestly! I had a daughter first and am one of two sisters, so yes, what are annoyingly called 'real boys' (by so many stupid people) came as a bit of a shock to my system. They came on playdates and would come into the house like a hurricane, shouting and kicking anything in sight and throwing themselves around the furniture.

Fortunately for me he soon made friends more like himself - clever, thoughtful boys who didn't leave a wreck of splintered chairs and broken toys behind.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/04/2026 13:46

No opinion on boys v girls. But there are loads of examples on this site of Little Prince Syndrome eg ‘my little prince shouldn’t have to clean toilets and I wish I could do it for him’ and ‘my son is doing time in prison but he’s not a bad lad, it was everyone else’s fault.

Ihatetomatoes · 26/04/2026 13:43

Mouthfulofquiz · 26/04/2026 10:03

Sounds like you don’t like boys very much OP 😂
I wonder if you might have a bit of a closed minded view and are always looking for the worst in people. You probably need to sort your mindset out seeing as you have a stepson, and it’s probably very obvious to him how you feel. Always best to ask how you can influence a situation rather than offensively writing off an entire sex.

This

tsmainsqueeze · 26/04/2026 13:43

The op has moved the debate on into how boys are raised and the effect on society , it is quite obvious how lack of guidance ,mentoring , male role model, social media has a detrimental effect on boys /young men you would have to be pretty dim to have not realised that.
My annoyance with her post is that i think it came across as another goady boy hating thread of which there are so many , i do actually believe she was feeling that when she wrote it but has tweaked it somewhat to dig herself out a little.