Page 4 | why is it hard to like other people’s boy children

Halfmunch · 2026-04-26T09:00:36+00:00

I am a mother to girls, and have no brothers and I admit I don’t have much experience of raising or being around boys. The boys in my life I can find them overwhelming, frustrating and to be honest, self centred and lazy. However, I am wondering if this is related to how people parent the boys, and a patriarchal society rather than the boys - as in it’s not their fault, they were not born this way. Is this something other parents have noticed, like Little Prince Syndrome? My husband has a 12yo son and even after 5 years I struggle to bond with him. I have 2 x 9yo nephews and I also struggle with them. All 3 kids have different parents. The boys are all overbearing in conversations - yell and talk over everyone else and already at their age ?!? mansplain and refuse to accept explanations or answers, challenging everything, ie. They all seem to ‘know better’ when a female answers a question and all have very singular topics they are only interested in, not interested in other people really. Step son is obsessed with football, so everything you do has to centre around that, and if it doesn’t, he’s completely disinterested in anything else and just mopes about. I notice the boys all seem to opt out of clearing up, after a meal finished they will return to either talking about their chosen topic without noticing everyone else is clearing up, or go do their own activity, and have to be asked/reminded to do even minor tasks such as take a plate to the kitchen. I often watch them at family parties and while everyone else is pitching in, they have wandered off kicking a ball around quietly and when asked to help ‘oh I didn’t realise…’ however if it’s something slightly dangerous, they will barge in and get in your way even if you don’t want them to help they feel entitled to ‘help’ like SS demanding to be allowed to ‘light the BBQ’ unsupervised They are nice boys, but I often read posts on here about people’s useless husbands, and think hmm well, there seems to be an awful lot of these males around… and it probably starts young! My DH often feels frustrated as he’s very much an equal partner with a female, and believes in equality. He feel like he’s always nagging his son to try to get him to learn about life but many females seem to enable this! DH’s mum acts like SS is made of china, and my mum is the same with my nephew. Is there a way we can tackle this as society?

Original poster

Halfmunch · 27/04/2026 20:29

Midnights68 · 27/04/2026 20:14

I have boys, so, obviously, I meet a lot of boys who are not my own. And I frequently find them delightful. I’m genuinely very fond of all of my sons’ friends. Lovely kids.

However, I look at the number of lovely, clever, funny boys I know, and the number of awful men I know. And I can’t square it.

I agree I have this feeling of discomfort

Not everyone is good or bad, no one is that linear.

A 15yo lad who is delightful to someone else’s mum, might not be as delightful to another 15yo girl. I mean, they know their target audience. I don’t mean to crap all over everyone’s delightful children but clearly some boys aren’t being delightful to other girls but where do they come from? Whose kids are they? How did it happen? If we don’t know and don’t look carefully it will never stop and the entire community who enabled it will be to blame.

OP posts:

Patientlywaited81 · 27/04/2026 20:23

I wish you’d done a poll

Original poster

Halfmunch · 27/04/2026 20:22

Clockbook · 27/04/2026 20:05

How do you know that parents aren’t teaching life skills equally to boys as they are girls? Do you have actual evidence to back that up beyond N=3 or is it anecdotal? And, if less is expected of little boys, do you have firm evidence correlating that to mile violence and misogyny?

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are you actually open minded to the answer or is this a sarcastic question? It’s hard to tell frankly as no one is open to actually listening.

I already posted a link to the Violence against Women and Girls police website which stated that everyone needs to tackle the issue at a young age. Men who have already offended often continue to offend so it’s too late. We need to raise boys to respect women and be functional members of society, this includes learning basic life skills and not that some jobs are for girls and some are for boys.

I gave examples of what I view as problematic parenting that I have witnessed. Things like allowing boys to continually dominate conversations with only their own topics, learning how to mansplain at a young age, talking over the top of girls, using their strength to dominate a girl to get their own way, parents not expecting them to help with household chores, ‘boys will be boys’ behaviour excuses and different expectations and responsibilities for girls.

The men who are offending or abusing women come from somewhere… where do people think they come from? Another planet? They are being raised all around us. Of course no one likes to think their child or their parenting might be problematic, but denying misogyny is lunacy. It’s NIMBYism

The whole community should work together to prevent violence against women and girls and this includes recognising that we could all do better. I already posted I really do want these boys to grow up into lovely men, and I can try to educate them and help as part of their community.

Misogyny is a huge issue, just the other month Louis Theroux aired a whole documentary on the manosphere.. did you hear about this? Have you heard of Andrew Tate? Young boys and men are being taught online that men are more valuable than women, and how to manipulate women into sex and use them. There is a huge issue with boys watching porn online and expecting girls to re-enact what they have seen.. surely I don’t need to go on?

OP posts:

Spirallingdownwards · 27/04/2026 20:17

I am afraid it says more about the people you associate with than "boy children" generally.

If the adults you hang out with aren't raising their children properly you will get these type of children.

Midnights68 · 27/04/2026 20:14

I have boys, so, obviously, I meet a lot of boys who are not my own. And I frequently find them delightful. I’m genuinely very fond of all of my sons’ friends. Lovely kids.

However, I look at the number of lovely, clever, funny boys I know, and the number of awful men I know. And I can’t square it.

Clockbook · 27/04/2026 20:05

Halfmunch · 27/04/2026 19:55

I don’t know what parallel universe anyone is living in but yes, we all probably agree that patents should stop perpetuating this by socialising girls differently to boys. However, teaching life skills such as housework and life admin is valuable, so it should also be taught to boys equally as it is to girls. It’s not though. And the thousands upon thousands of daily posts here about people’s husbands, and the statistics about male behaviour backs this up.

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How do you know that parents aren’t teaching life skills equally to boys as they are girls? Do you have actual evidence to back that up beyond N=3 or is it anecdotal? And, if less is expected of little boys, do you have firm evidence correlating that to mile violence and misogyny?

disappearingme · 27/04/2026 19:59

A few of my friends have boys and they're pretty much all brilliant kids. Loads of fun. Hilarious. Bring me lots of joy as does my own.

Original poster

Halfmunch · 27/04/2026 19:55

EarthlyNightshade · 27/04/2026 19:24

Maybe the parents of girls and parents with girls and boys need to stop doing that.

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I don’t know what parallel universe anyone is living in but yes, we all probably agree that patents should stop perpetuating this by socialising girls differently to boys. However, teaching life skills such as housework and life admin is valuable, so it should also be taught to boys equally as it is to girls. It’s not though. And the thousands upon thousands of daily posts here about people’s husbands, and the statistics about male behaviour backs this up.

OP posts:

Patientlywaited81 · 27/04/2026 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

Halfmunch · 27/04/2026 19:51

Patientlywaited81 · 27/04/2026 19:16

Read all the OP’s posts and I have come away cringing for @Halfmunch . And feeling immense sympathy for the poor sods who she corners at get togethers to pour this drivel in to their ears. I imagine her teen daughter just 🙄 when mum starts on one of her rants.

Edited

These posts add absolutely nothing to this debate, it’s a very low level intelligence response to just throw meaningless petty insults at me. Which suggests it hits a nerve close to home. if it didn’t, you would have just scrolled past and not given it another thought.

OP posts:

EarthlyNightshade · 27/04/2026 19:24

Catsarestillflumpy · 27/04/2026 18:05

Mate. This whole post is precisely about how it’s not being predisposed but is socialised by parents. In a way it’s not for boys. How has that gone over your head I don’t know!

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Maybe the parents of girls and parents with girls and boys need to stop doing that.

Patientlywaited81 · 27/04/2026 19:16

Read all the OP’s posts and I have come away cringing for @Halfmunch . And feeling immense sympathy for the poor sods who she corners at get togethers to pour this drivel in to their ears. I imagine her teen daughter just 🙄 when mum starts on one of her rants.

Catsarestillflumpy · 27/04/2026 18:05

Goldenbear · 26/04/2026 21:03

Sorry but how old are your girls? Are you having a laugh if you think all girls are predisposed to assisting with clearing up? That's sexist in itself!

Mate. This whole post is precisely about how it’s not being predisposed but is socialised by parents. In a way it’s not for boys. How has that gone over your head I don’t know!

EarthlyNightshade · 27/04/2026 08:24

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 00:12

What about the mothers who won’t hear a word said against their sons, even though they are lazy or criminal?

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What about fathers?

CoffeeCantata · 27/04/2026 06:56

tsmainsqueeze · 26/04/2026 14:04

What is a typical boy ?
My boys were inquisitive , curious ,adventurous and energetic .
They were also well mannered and polite and absolutely never left a wreck of broken chairs and toys behind.
My daughter was quite similar in many ways but unlike her brothers she was never concerned about getting dirty and muddy , is that a typical girl ?
They have a father who has always treated me respectfully so they know what is expected of them and my daughter knows how she should be treated.
These expectations are to do with respect , self respect and common decency i have never differentiated my expectations of them because of their sex.
To me there is no 'typical'.

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My son too - well brought up, polite, kind and civilised.

You'll notice I put 'typical boy' in quotation marks....so just checking that the irony came across. I found the stereotyping of the genders among parents, teachers and health professionals in the late 90s very irritating! I hope it's changed now.

And my daughter wasn't a 'typical girl', either.

I also complained to my children's primary school when, returning from the summer holidays, we found that the Head had made over the children's loos: boys' loos painted with a football mural and the girls' Barbie-themed and pink.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 00:12

EarthlyNightshade · 26/04/2026 20:50

Why, though, is it always left to women/mothers to sort out these men/boys?

Blame men for this, not women.

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What about the mothers who won’t hear a word said against their sons, even though they are lazy or criminal?

Goldenbear · 26/04/2026 21:03

Sorry but how old are your girls? Are you having a laugh if you think all girls are predisposed to assisting with clearing up? That's sexist in itself!

aspirationalferret · 26/04/2026 20:55

For what it’s worth it’s not boys. It’s parenting. Those boys don’t sound well behaved. That’s not boys. That’s how they’ve been brought up. I know lovely boys and annoying ones. I know lovely girls and some annoying ones.

OP sounds like she just doesn’t like boys and her girls are angels 😇

aspirationalferret · 26/04/2026 20:53

Dizzydrizzy · 26/04/2026 10:11

So glad there’s a report button for these goady fuckers

MN never do anything. They love them for the clicks.

EarthlyNightshade · 26/04/2026 20:50

Screamingabdabz · 26/04/2026 19:28

You’re brave op. People don’t like the truth and get defensive.

I think the problem is, many mums, especially those still in the throws of school-age kids don’t see clearly their own entrenchment in patriarchy enough to call it out in their sons.

Many are shackled to men who leave them to do most of the domestic heavy lifting and they write it off with “my DH works long hours”. Or it doesn’t even enter their heads that they don’t need to feel responsible for it all. Their mothers did it, their grandmothers did it, all their schoolmates’ mums did it. ‘It’s normal!’ Normal for men to sit back and let women scivvy and serve.

If women don’t even see misogny and patriarchal values in their own lives, how are they going to see it (and correct it) in their domineering, pushy, arrogant, energetic boys?

Why, though, is it always left to women/mothers to sort out these men/boys?

Blame men for this, not women.

GottaCatchSomeOfEm · 26/04/2026 19:33

tsmainsqueeze · 26/04/2026 14:04

What is a typical boy ?
My boys were inquisitive , curious ,adventurous and energetic .
They were also well mannered and polite and absolutely never left a wreck of broken chairs and toys behind.
My daughter was quite similar in many ways but unlike her brothers she was never concerned about getting dirty and muddy , is that a typical girl ?
They have a father who has always treated me respectfully so they know what is expected of them and my daughter knows how she should be treated.
These expectations are to do with respect , self respect and common decency i have never differentiated my expectations of them because of their sex.
To me there is no 'typical'.

Show quote history

According to my FIL a "typical boy" is one who plays football, doesn't read books or draw, enjoys rough and tumble and has generally poor manners. Sadly my son is none of those things and is therefore "never going to be a real man" in his eyes. Thankfully none of us give a toss what he thinks so we'll continue as we are.

Witchonenowbob · 26/04/2026 19:30

Screamingabdabz · 26/04/2026 19:28

You’re brave op. People don’t like the truth and get defensive.

I think the problem is, many mums, especially those still in the throws of school-age kids don’t see clearly their own entrenchment in patriarchy enough to call it out in their sons.

Many are shackled to men who leave them to do most of the domestic heavy lifting and they write it off with “my DH works long hours”. Or it doesn’t even enter their heads that they don’t need to feel responsible for it all. Their mothers did it, their grandmothers did it, all their schoolmates’ mums did it. ‘It’s normal!’ Normal for men to sit back and let women scivvy and serve.

If women don’t even see misogny and patriarchal values in their own lives, how are they going to see it (and correct it) in their domineering, pushy, arrogant, energetic boys?

This is always the rhetoric, people are “defensive” because they don’t agree with someone?

Are we not allowed to defend our sons, brothers, husbands?

I mean come on!

Screamingabdabz · 26/04/2026 19:28

You’re brave op. People don’t like the truth and get defensive.

I think the problem is, many mums, especially those still in the throws of school-age kids don’t see clearly their own entrenchment in patriarchy enough to call it out in their sons.

Many are shackled to men who leave them to do most of the domestic heavy lifting and they write it off with “my DH works long hours”. Or it doesn’t even enter their heads that they don’t need to feel responsible for it all. Their mothers did it, their grandmothers did it, all their schoolmates’ mums did it. ‘It’s normal!’ Normal for men to sit back and let women scivvy and serve.

If women don’t even see misogny and patriarchal values in their own lives, how are they going to see it (and correct it) in their domineering, pushy, arrogant, energetic boys?

Pricelessadvice · 26/04/2026 19:00

My two boy cousins (now grown up) were the most polite, well mannered boys and have grown into hard-working, kind men who have long-term partners and are honestly the type of men you dream would dream of your daughter being with. They were parented beautifully by my Aunty.
My friends little boy is a lovely, gentle lad.
The same friends little girl is a horror! 😂

Catsarestillflumpy · 26/04/2026 18:55

Halfmunch · 26/04/2026 18:45

@Everydayimhuffling please elaborate on the impact of girls/women on society that is comparable to violence against women. I’m interested

me too. As someone who works with victims of VAWG I’m very interested