why is it hard to like other people’s boy children

I'll swap them for my stroppy teenage girl right now!

You're attibuting their different personalities to their sex, but plenty of people come on here and say DD1 will always do what we ask , but DD2 is a nightmare (or the same with sons).

And that attitude, right there, is the issue ladies and gentlemen!

Surely the issue is bad parenting of boys, not boys themselves?

My nephews and friend's sons are not as OP describes. But they've been brought up in the same way and with the same standards as girls.

Unfortunately I have encountered the attitudes of different standards for boys elsewhere, including my own peers when young. So I can see where the entitled man children come from.

Interesting that so many assume OP is being goady.

'Patriarchal society'

'Mansplaining'

You're talking about children!

I think with boys it’s really easy to tell who’s been raised by strict/firm parents, even more so than with girls. I know some absolutely amazing and delightful boys who would help out without question and who are going to be lovely adults. I also know one who is allowed to get away with really twattish behaviour and I hope that this improves but his parents seem to be of the “now now Jonny” school of discipline which achieves nothing. I know another who’s completely babied and not asked to do anything like his sister was at the same age. And those are in fairly egalitarian households. In some cultures (both white and other ethnicities) there is a massive culture of men not lifting a finger and boys have to really think about it in order to decide to do things differently in adulthood.

I do agree that we aren’t successfully addressing how some boys are growing to be problematic men. Whether that’s being a bit shit through to abusing/raping/murdering women.

It felt like things were gradually changing and boys were being encouraged to be vulnerable and emotional but the reaction to that has been the manosphere and absolutely toxic masculinity which makes me fear for girls and boys in the future.

I don’t think the OP was helpful at all and it does seem like she doesn’t really like the boys she knows but there is a valid wider point.

My DS will help around the house as long as I’m letting him talk too.

@FloweryPenPot so he’ll only ‘help’ if you allow him to tell you the ways of the world according to him. That sounds very much not a good way of raising a good man. There shouldn’t be concessions for boys, and it’s not ‘helping’ it’s living in a house and pulling your weight.

In DD1’s class, about 80% of the boys are part of a disruptive group that causes activities to be cut short, for the class to miss out on things because they are misbehaving, who seem incapable of sitting down during carpet time or listening to instructions, etc. From speaking to other parents with kids in other classes, this isn’t uncommon. You don’t tend to get disruptive groups of girls in the same way that affect the whole class. It’s interesting and I wonder why, if it’s parenting, something to with young boys when they get together, what it is. I witness it at parties too.

We’ve always tried to be very sex agnostic about behaviour and stereotypes, but it’s tricky when DD1 comes home every day to say what the ’boys’ have disrupted today.

"I have no experience of brothers or raising boys but I thought I'd offer you my detrimental judgement based on the three boys I do know anyway. It's all down to the parents. There."

Well ta.

You know 3 boys and you also know their parents. Presumably you have observed them and the way they parent - do they have girls that they parent differently? Maybe they are just shit parents.

I don't have children of my own, and I can't say I notice a difference in whether I like other people's children based on their sex. Children are like all people in that respect, there are some you like and some you don't!

Great honest post. You’ll raise much better men than those posters here who have their heads firmly buried in the sand. ‘Not my boy.’ Hint, bad men are always someone’s boy.

The problem is you’re wanting them to be exactly like the girls in your life, you’ll never connect with them. Try talking to your nephews and stepson about the things they love, you can then ask them to help as you’re chatting. My DS will help around the house as long as I’m letting him talk too. We have some amazing conversations about the things he lives, I’ve learnt so much from him and, as I’ve listened to him he will then listen to me when I talk about myself. If you never speak to them you’ll never know them, they’ll see you rejecting them simply because they’re boys, that is more on you than them. If you never teach them the art of conversation how in earth do you expect them to learn it? I know you’re not their parent but you are an adult in their life, act like it.

I have a daughter too, in case you want to dismiss me as a ‘boy mum’.

I can do what I like, as I like, as can you. I could give you reasons about why I think your opinion is low IQ i.e. compare to flat earthers or we can agree to disagree like amicable adults. I'm into sisterhood not victimhood.

Eh? You can’t just not believe in something that exists….well you can but then you’re in the zone of flat earthers or something

I don't find boy children hard to like at all. I have children and grandchildren of both sexes. They are all wonderful. The boys are not lazy, unhelpful or boring. If anything they are usually more likely to suggest helping clear the dishes etc than the girls! And both my son and son in law cook and do housework.

Is there a particular reason you didn't enable voting? Because the results wouldn't back up your view perhaps?

Raising boys is hard, I have one of each and I'm on my own with them so I feel I have to work extra hard to parent my boy well. If I ask both my kids to do something to help, I may have to repeat myself once or twice before the girl does it, but I usually have to repeat myself 10+ times and include consequences, threats, and emotional blackmail/education on the oppression of women and gender inequality before the boy does it! So of course a lot of parents give up and allow them to do as they please.

I don't know about the males in your life, op, but my brother and son are perfectly well-rounded, polite, and absolutely respect females. As do the male friends I choose to have.

Maybe find different people to hang out with. Please don't tar all males with the same brush.

I don't believe in the 'patriarch' and I hate the word, how it's used and all it stands for. No alliance here, with that one, I'm afraid.

😂😂

Is that you Herod?

As an elderly male I think the OP's observations about how we bring up boys are not only obviously valid but pretty well known.

The only question left is whether we should be pleased or otherwise about how we perpetuate a patriarchal society.

Patriarchal sexism. That not being clear is the problem