AIBU to challenge my partner's Sunday football commitment and family time?

I think it's ok because it's not until later on Sunday and there's nothing stopping Saturday being family time. It'll also only be during football season. DH works voluntary overtime every other Saturday and I actually really like having time with just me and DS

YABU. That wouldn't bother me.

My husband competes in Motorsport and is away for whole weekends in the summer. Granted I usually go and watch him but still.

He gets away with it because I equally have a big hobby and we just give each other the time we want.

If it was a whole day, then yes OP I can understand your frustration.

There's something about the importance of the community activity. It seems unreasonable for a football team to have a rule that it's 'non negotiable:' there are bound to be dads. It's not a workplace. The aim ought to be to have enough people that it's not such a rigid commitment and players can not do some of them.

So Id expect that level of commitment to facilitate the kids activities if they were involved in something. But I wouldn't want to sign up to something non negotiable for me because of how it might impact the rest. It'd feel to me a bit controlling of my family life that another group of people take priority like that especially a hobby. . But your DH doesn't think like that. I think I get where you are coming from.
If you went swimming every week you could and would probably miss it if the occasional family day out presented itself and you could adjust the timing.
Posters are missing the point that OP wants the relaxed time with the kids and sometimes to do things that don't fit those times. Two people makes It an easier task. Lots of stuff happens Sundays. Sounds like the football team are over reliant on the OPs DH.

It's good for parents of young children to have time to themselves and 3 hours in a weekend is not excessive. Just make sure you also get 3 hours every weekend and stop martyring yourself.

I thought we had a unwritten rule that weekends are sacred family time

This is ridiculous for several reasons - firstly the OTT use of the word "sacred" as if it's some sort of religious or devotional rite, secondly the implication that it covers the entire weekend, 24/7, of having to be in each other's company (otherwise what will happen...) and most of all the fact that it's UNWRITTEN, in other words your partner has no idea about it.

It's the kind of phrase that makes me incredibly grateful to be child-free. Except, thinking about it, I don't know a single parent who considers the entire weekend to be "sacred family time" that prohibits them from doing any sort of hobby or activity by themselves. It's not the norm which makes the "unwritten" aspect (and the "sacred" framing) even more absurd.

And a football match at 4pm in no way prevents spending the majority of the day with each other, anyway.

I know right? Women have never, ever had a hobby with young children…

Don’t see a problem with this.

You’re lucky he doesn’t play golf…

I think it’s OK. You are bound to have different interests - that’s healthy and perfectly normal. I would taken them down to watch with some snacks for an hour - if the weather is ok or organise something else with them. Your DC are 6 and 9 so should be able to play independently for a few hours while you all chill at home especially if you’ve been out for a few hours as a family before DH goes to play.

Perhaps your DH needs this time, like properly needs it. Male bonding, emotional support type of needs it. My DP is exactly the same. He needs his weekly rugby match for his well-being. The thing is, we’re a team together and I do my own hobbies and trips with my friends too as that’s what I need.

Find your balance but don’t stop him. Be a team.

The kids are 6 & 9, how long did you see your imaginary rule lasting?
Life happens, never understood this rigid ‘family time’

There's loads you can do on a Sunday, you have all day Saturday for big days, Sunday you can have Sunday lunch out. Farmers markets, soft play, anything really!
Having a commitment at 4pm is not putting the day on a clock at all.

Unless he does something every night of the week then 3 hours on a Sunday isn’t unreasonable.
Take the kids to watch him play sometimes. And it won’t be every Sunday, the season ends soon!

@Offherrockingchairyou can work these things out week by week depending on the priority. I really love my husband so I wouldn’t want to ruin his hobby on purpose by deliberately going out so he missed it.
I don’t think it’s a bad thing sometimes for children to understand that they are not the only people in the household and that parents also have things they would like to enjoy.

Hopefully, OP will be like my family and not do Sunday dinner anyway! She doesn’t mention it, so perhaps they don’t do it anyway!

YABU. He's taking some time out to do something he enjoys, which involves physical activity and being social with other men.

Also, the football season generally runs in winter for less than half a year. What else are you going to do with that time?

You should find your own way to do something you enjoy rather than stopping someone else's enjoyment.

It’s just the assumption, though, isn’t it? That she’ll be there to pick up the slack every single week (in season). What happens if she wants to do something on a Sunday? Does he cancel the game or will she need a babysitter? What happens when the DC have activities or parties in opposite directions? Does she have to make one miss out because DH has football? I’d go out one Sunday and not be back in time for football - see how he likes it!

Haha exactly.so you’ve always spent the whole weekend together? That’s mad to me. My DH and I always have a few hours each to ourselves each weekend. I’d go mad otherwise. Just make sure you take a few hours for yourself to. Having a hobby is good especially an active one.

I don’t know what WFH during the week has to do with family time on a weekend.

take some time for yourself on Sunday morning and have Saturday as family time and family breakfast on a Sunday? You could do your own thing from 10am-1pm on a Sunday after breakfast. Your weekends will change as time goes on anyway as the kids get friends and hobbies etc.

YABU. Exercise is essential for physical and mental wellbeing. Having a hobby is a good thing. I would be actively encouraging it. But I would also have a hobby. I find it strange that people live by rules about keeping days for family time or days out. Just live your lives. It’s also good for kids to see that their parents are people in their own right and have interests , friends, hobbies etc.

I think you'll find Sunday lunch will disappear (whoever planned to cook it) as he will not be wanting to run around for 90 minutes on a full stomach.

But she wants to dictate his Saturdays and his Sundays!

It's reasonable for him to want to have his own choice of activity for 3 hours out of a whole weekend (as long as he's equally happy to do solo childcare so that OP equally has 3 hours to pursue her own interests.)

YABU. Use Saturday as your family day out and Sunday as more relaxed. I think it would be unfair to say he has to stop his hobby. It’s good to stay active.

Find yourself a hobby too, Saturday morning Pilates, Sunday park run etc. then you have all of Saturday, all of Sunday - be back by 3 (which is loads of time when your kids are so young), then go and watch or just have chill time till he gets back. It’s good for kids to see parents active and social. Surely you can’t be doing something together all weekend the entire length of the days?
The problem heading your way is when they hit 11+, dropping off for dance competitions, football pick ups, basketball tournaments, cricket seasons. Good luck!

I have voted YABU

You need to be more flexible. It is only a good thing for adults to have hobbies and do something for their own physical and mental health. Your kids are not tiny anymore. Take this as a learning experience to do something for yourself as well.

Football, whether competitive or not, isn’t usually played all year.

One day, your kids will want to be with their friends, and not be remotely interested in family time.

I’d just develop my own hobby.