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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to challenge my partner's Sunday football commitment and family time?

185 replies

TheSoundOfHome · 25/04/2026 22:38

AIBU to confront my partner about joining a football team that plays a competitive match every Sunday at 4pm? I feel it now puts Sunday 'on the clock' and means we can't really have a full day out as a family like we used to (we have two young kids aged 6 and 9). I thought we had a unwritten rule that weekends are sacred family time while the children are young but my partner has now unilaterally decided to take time out for themselves and break this arrangement. They say the Sunday match is non-negotiable and seem to take it for granted that I'll look after the kids between 3 and 6 every Sunday. Any thoughts on how I should best handle this (we've already unfortunately had a bust up!).

OP posts:
Babyboomtastic · 26/04/2026 19:57

A hobby most weekends - great. The rigidity of it every single Sunday as a non negotiable I'd have an issue with. No going away for a bank holiday weekend, or coming back late from a day out. No Sunday afternoon BBQs. No option for you to go to something if it arose.

A firm commitment every week works better in the week because they have less variation and spontaneity.

ainsleysanob · 26/04/2026 19:49

TheSoundOfHome · 26/04/2026 18:36

Thanks all for your comments.
I'm responsible for school drop off/pick up Weds/Thurs/Fri so juggle working from home with keeping the kids happy and feeding them dinner. OH doesn't get back from work until after 6pm (they are a teacher). I do look forward to sharing the childcare duties at weekends!
Guess my main thing about the 4pm match is its rigidity (the league even fine for non-attendance if you've put your name down!) and with long summer days ahead, it just adds a restriction to the day that I don't like. But I will try to get used to it!

Who looks after the children through the school holidays?

Pistachiocake · 26/04/2026 19:47

What did you both agree before having the kids? Some people say you get so many days to do your own thing, some say all non working time should be family. Don't suppose any is wrong as long as both partners agree, but I would say it's good for everyone to have some non-child time, personally, so we agreed on times and adapted depending what we were working etc.

Velumental · 26/04/2026 19:46

I went to the gym 10-11 this morning, my husband had a social thing 2-4. We've had the rest of the day together. We have 2 young kids

Imdunfer · 26/04/2026 19:39

Weald56 · 26/04/2026 18:41

Football was, and should be, a winter game. Tell your DH to find a team that plays September-March and leaves April-August for family activities.

It will be 5 a side I expect.

Weald56 · 26/04/2026 18:41

Football was, and should be, a winter game. Tell your DH to find a team that plays September-March and leaves April-August for family activities.

Original poster
TheSoundOfHome · 26/04/2026 18:36

Thanks all for your comments.
I'm responsible for school drop off/pick up Weds/Thurs/Fri so juggle working from home with keeping the kids happy and feeding them dinner. OH doesn't get back from work until after 6pm (they are a teacher). I do look forward to sharing the childcare duties at weekends!
Guess my main thing about the 4pm match is its rigidity (the league even fine for non-attendance if you've put your name down!) and with long summer days ahead, it just adds a restriction to the day that I don't like. But I will try to get used to it!

OP posts:
Iloveeverycat · 26/04/2026 12:16

At 4pm the weekend is over and I would be getting things ready for next school, working day.

sunnydisaster · 26/04/2026 12:15

Wouldn’t bother me that much. DC often had parties on the weekend or clubs. No time was ‘sacred’, thst deemd bizzare to me. Obviously if something really important came up I’m sure he could miss it for a week.
You can get equal time to yourself on Sun morning or Saturday at some point?

Thechaseison71 · 26/04/2026 12:14

Miranda65 · 25/04/2026 23:04

It's half a day..... a weekend is two whole days. It's really not much, and everyone deserves some time to call their own. Take the kids to watch him play - they might enjoy it!

Not even half a day is it? It's 3 hours out of 48

PoppinjayPolly · 26/04/2026 12:12

Warmlight1 · 26/04/2026 10:48

There's no hate here just rational conversation. Can you name other hobbies which are non negotiable.

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Was actually correcting my own typo from earlier! Forgot to say so that post doesn’t make much sense! 😳 other than sounding like a “make love not war” type slogan! 😆

AirborneElephant · 26/04/2026 12:06

It seems a very convenient time to me. You have all day Saturday for family days out, plus all of Sunday morning plus a leisurely lunch. And he’ll generally then be home for dinner. You can’t ring fence ALL of his non-working time as “family time”, that’s just ridiculous!

Warmlight1 · 26/04/2026 10:48

PoppinjayPolly · 26/04/2026 10:29

Have own hobbies not hate!

There's no hate here just rational conversation. Can you name other hobbies which are non negotiable.

Everlil · 26/04/2026 10:43

Sunday isn’t ruined! You have 6hrs beforehand to do things. It’s normal to want to do things on your own for a couple of hours. Do your children not want to do any activities such as swimming lessons? I think enforced ‘family time’ all weekend sounds like a family who has to be made to enjoy each others company.

zingally · 26/04/2026 10:39

Sunday at 4, the weekend's basically over anyway. Surely by that time, 9 out of 10 weekends, you'd be at home anyway, getting things sorted for the week ahead?

If this is a new thing, I think I'd just wait it out. A football game on a sunny spring evening is quite pleasant. Less so in November. Hobbies that come out of nowhere tend to fizzle out just as quickly IME.

Pixiedust49 · 26/04/2026 10:36

HortiGal · 26/04/2026 08:03

The kids are 6 & 9, how long did you see your imaginary rule lasting?
Life happens, never understood this rigid ‘family time’

I have to agree with this. I used to hate football but having a football mad DD who still plays now aged 17 I’ve literally had to give up weekends to it since she was 5! Shit happens…

PoppinjayPolly · 26/04/2026 10:29

Have own hobbies not hate!

Warmlight1 · 26/04/2026 10:26

PoppinjayPolly · 26/04/2026 10:03

So it’s a “how dare you hate your own hobbies and commitments! We need to see what the kids want to do first then work around that!” ?

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But it might be a bit if a ' how dare a football team assume a father is free every week and where did the idea it's non negotiable come from? ' Why can't they have subs and operate flexibly. Like we expect workplaces to do.

Warmlight1 · 26/04/2026 10:22

PoppinjayPolly · 26/04/2026 10:03

So it’s a “how dare you hate your own hobbies and commitments! We need to see what the kids want to do first then work around that!” ?

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Um...nope. The 'how dare you' bit isn't in there at all. But there is only so much parents can do that's a truism. What happens if one of the kids wants to take up football- with a different set of rigid weekend commitments- or are they just not allowed to? So given the choice many people would prioritise the kids activities. If that happened she'd be accommodating other people's football for most of the weekend- and the kids is even more non negotiable because you don't want them distanced from peers.

ColdAsAWitches · 26/04/2026 10:13

TheSoundOfHome · 25/04/2026 23:30

I don't currently have any time to myself at weekends, I work from home during the week so look forward to family time on Saturday and Sunday. My partner has only taken up football recently (a work colleague introduced the idea of joining a team last year), although they did apparently play when they were younger at school. I don't have any problem with solo pursuits at the weekend but that fixed time of 4pm on Sunday afternoons really sucks. And I used to enjoy our days out together on Sundays, perhaps my partner less so?!

No, you lost me on this one. If Sunday was your only free day you might have a point. But you both have the whole weekend off. He's entitled to a hobby, and late Sunday afternoon is far from the worst time to do it.

PoppinjayPolly · 26/04/2026 10:03

Warmlight1 · 26/04/2026 08:20

There's something about the importance of the community activity. It seems unreasonable for a football team to have a rule that it's 'non negotiable:' there are bound to be dads. It's not a workplace. The aim ought to be to have enough people that it's not such a rigid commitment and players can not do some of them.

So Id expect that level of commitment to facilitate the kids activities if they were involved in something. But I wouldn't want to sign up to something non negotiable for me because of how it might impact the rest. It'd feel to me a bit controlling of my family life that another group of people take priority like that especially a hobby. . But your DH doesn't think like that. I think I get where you are coming from.
If you went swimming every week you could and would probably miss it if the occasional family day out presented itself and you could adjust the timing.
Posters are missing the point that OP wants the relaxed time with the kids and sometimes to do things that don't fit those times. Two people makes It an easier task. Lots of stuff happens Sundays. Sounds like the football team are over reliant on the OPs DH.

So it’s a “how dare you hate your own hobbies and commitments! We need to see what the kids want to do first then work around that!” ?

C152 · 26/04/2026 10:02

It's not reasonable you get no time to yourself, but you don't seem to be upset about that (you really should have some time to yourself, even if you love family time). If he's otherwise a proper parent (i.e. equal share of caring and mental load etc), then I think YABU. By 4pm, Sunday is pretty much over. You can still have a full day out and he can go straight to football. Maybe you should have at least one evening where you go out during the week, or do something for youself (hobby, club, seeing friends, just reading the paper in a coffee shop etc), so you both get equal time to yourselves, and there's still plenty of time to do things as a family.

PollyBell · 26/04/2026 09:44

notatinydancer · 26/04/2026 09:24

The fact that the he has assumed she will do it without discussion.

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And the op made their own assumptions

somanychristmaslights · 26/04/2026 09:41

Can’t you have a day out on the Saturday? And you can still do family local stuff Sunday morning and early afternoon.

likelysuspect · 26/04/2026 09:38

notatinydancer · 26/04/2026 09:24

The fact that the he has assumed she will do it without discussion.

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She has assumed an unwritten rule without discussion either

And she hasnt been back to update either