AIBU to challenge my partner's Sunday football commitment and family time?

Speaking from experience of living with a football player, there are real dangers with a partner who decides to take up a competitive team sport after the relationship has started. Mine was playing when we married so that was different.

There are different dynamics at play in competitive team sports participation, especially, imo, football and rugby.

I would take up a hobby on Sunday mid-mornings. DO can take care of kids.

You need to start carving out time for yourself like he is doing.

5 a side runs all year and the 11 aside season has ended now and the partner would not be newly joining a team.

Next year's update will be "how many training sessions is it reasonable for my partner to go to every week? ".

All family units are different, and treat weekend time differently.

Playing football doesn’t have to be such a commitment.

Yanbu. That's no Sundays out during football season.

He should have discussed it with you but it is fairly normal for people to do hobbies at the weekend.
My DH plays in football but the games are at different times every week which is more of a pain tbh. At least you can make plans around that 4pm kick off.

It won’t be long before your 9 year old is spending weekends out with friends anyway or they have their own hobbies and commitments.

Just make sure you build in some time in the week where you get a break.

YANBU. He should have least discussed it with you IMO.

Not really most teams can operate flexibly as they have larger numbers than they need for a game. I can't see why attendance is non negotiable.

But then you're basically saying "a hobby is fine but it can't be a team sport".

I wouldn’t like the rigidity of the commitment, a hobby is fine but I don’t think it’s fair or necessary to have a set time each week

Sadly I think YABU. You’ve decided it’s not ok for your partner to spend 3 hours out the house on a weekly basis but that’s not much different to you earmarking all day Sunday as ‘family time’. You’re placing a commitment on everyone’s time on a regular basis for a much longer period. You sound like you need a break and some time for yourself.

Family life will change constantly it doesn’t do well to have such rigid attitudes. At some point your kids will have commitments on a Sunday too whether that be sports clubs, school parties or when they’re older hanging out with friends.

What a fantastic attitude to relationships...🙄

I thought we had a unwritten rule that weekends are sacred family time while the children are young

Did you discuss this with your partner and come to this decision together? It seems awfully restrictive to make weekends family time only, especially if it's a unilateral decision. Your partner is not happy with a completely child focused weekend and I don't blame them.

How do you get to do activities if you're working? A lot of sports, yes, are on weekends. 4 pm seems reasonable, you have most of the day to do something yourself or with the kids if you choose.

and with long summer days ahead, it just adds a restriction to the day that I don't like.

Well, leagues have to finish by end of May, so that seems to leave the "long Summer days" free.

I'm responsible for school drop off/pick up Weds/Thurs/Fri so juggle working from home with keeping the kids happy and feeding them dinner.

The pair of you not arranging wrap around school care for the hours you are both working really is a different issue, and nothing to do with your partner's very sensible decision to sign up for a hobby that will help probably with both physical and mental fitness.
Sort that out separately.
But also find yourself something you enjoy. It doesn't have to be the same day, or even at the weekend, or even exactly the same length of time, but find something that relaxes and reinvigorates you. Could be a sport / exercise, but equally could be a choir, book club, political campaign group, some bhangra dancing, a car mechanics course or some volunteering somewhere - whatever floats your boat, but a bit of ringfenced time each week doing something you want to do and look forward to each week.

Football season is exactly that, a season, not all year. Why can't your dh do what he enjoys?...Plus keeping himself fit and healthy. Are you a little fed-up that you didn't think of a hobby for yourself, that could have took you outside the home & away from your dc....Atleast he is home at night, not propping up a bar most nights. I think you are overreacting. We all need a little time to do what we enjoy, why don't you do something during the week and make Saturday a family day....?

I agree with a previous poster - take the kids along to watch their dad, they might enjoy it or have fun on the sidelines (just watch out for fruity language 🤣). I remember as a child going to watch my dad play, and then took my son to watch his dad play until I had #2, then he used to just go with his dad and hang out on the sideline. It won’t be all year round - men’s football matches don’t often happen through the summer as the pitches are too hard.
And I would only start to worry or object if he talks about running a team or getting involved within a club - you might never see him again (I talk as a current football widow)…

His mental and physical health are very important. Football matches will run on approx 25 weekends only

Do your family day out on a Saturday? Honestly it seems like a bit of a non-issue.

does Seem weird. Last reply from @TheSoundOfHome

they are a teacher

why not say he/she

is it a female wanting to play footie

Gosh you do come across angry! So you’d do that in a vindictive way?
”how dare you have an interest of your own!”

"Partner wants 3 hours a week for hobby, ive said no. AIBU?"

Also, "sacred family time" 🤢

Don't get too used to family time being compromised unilaterally like this, though. I fully understand why the timing of this hobby is such a pain, and I would be deeply disappointed if my DH had pulled a shit move like this when the kids were young.

Hopefully you aren’t trying to work from home and look after young children simultaneously! It sounds like football isn’t really the problem, it’s the rest of the week. If you’re juggling loads can you sort out more childcare so your weekdays aren’t so one sided?

It’s not year round, most leagues are September-May with a few weeks off at Christmas. So you have the summer months without football.
It’s healthy for people to have hobbies and ‘me time’ outside of work and home life. You need this too, pick something to do just for you on Sunday morning and then have Saturdays for family days out etc.

I would be taking exactly that amount of time on a saturday, leaving the house and going somewhere, anywhere that isn't home.

And see how long football lasts.