AIBU to challenge my partner's Sunday football commitment and family time?

Social workers are also obsessed with it. Ours wanted us to have it every weekend, late DH used to try and force DS2 to have it, which rather defeats the purpose.

Similar discussions here. It's tricky but it'll probably be good for him and the trenches if parenting should be over? Ish. It just needs to be balanced. In your shoes I'd see if we could agree to Saturday family day, Sunday jobs, homework, and exercise. Saturday do something nice all together. Sunday, you take a couple of hours first thing or lunch time to do some exercise yourself (or alternative), take it in turns to do food shop/kids homework across the middle of the day, then he does football while you make dinner for 6pm. He can wash up, do baths, whatever.

I think you are being a bit U. They should have run it past you first but I don’t think it’s a massive ask. I was having a chat with a friend recently whose partner played football and she said how much she resented it when the kids were small but now realises it was crucial to his mental health. So much so that when he had an injury she was desperate for him to get back playing again.

I do agree that you should try carve out something for yourself. I’m a lone worker and mother of 2 and I would go stir crazy without a bit of ‘me’ time and some company!

The added bonus of being a cricket family for us is that we we were all into it. Our children got into boys' and girls' teams, then senior teams, one played for the county...all 4 still play, 2 at university, 2 post university. I am still in the women's team.
We used to take other kids to the cricket club whose parents couldn't find the time for the 20 mimute trip

What difference does it matter if they are a same sex couple? OPs issue is still the same.
You don’t even know a woman has wrote this post. Lots of heterosexual couples use the word partner. They could also be non binary or OP might just want an opinion based on the issue

I don't think that wanting 3 hours to yourself, once a week, to do something that benefits your physical and mental health is unreasonable at all, as long as your partner has the freedom to do the same. If your partner chooses not to take time for themselves, either out of martyrdom or because of a self-imposed "unwritten rule" that weekends must be given over entirely to doing things as a family unit, that's their call.

I don't get this thing about weekends being "sacred family time". Does that mean neither of you is ever allowed to go out to meet friends or go anywhere by yourself on the weekends? I would hate to be told I was only allowed to socialise or do anything seperate from my family on weekday evenings after a long day at work. That seems very controlling to me. The argument that a weekly football match starting at 4pm on a Sunday prevents you from having weekend days out also seems to be very much clutching at straws. You can still be out all day every Saturday, and there's nothing stopping you going out on Sundays too if you so wish, you just need to be back by 4pm.

I know that some men absolutely take the piss with their hobbies, but there are also a lot of men who aren't active enough and their social lives revolve entirely around drinking. I actively encourage my DH to play football and golf and to go for a run, and facilitate it by looking after the kids, because he has a sedentary job and I want him to live as long as possible. He also encourages me to do things that are important for my own wellbeing, and facilitates this by looking after the kids. It's about give and take.

Great way to do dven less than he does now.
I wouldn't be happy but it doesn't sound as if he cares what you think.

It seems to only not work for the OP. Her DH obviously doesn't have an issue with it.

So only the OPs opinion counts does it? And they seem to have all Sat free also

I've never really understood this obsession with " family" time.

Doing something you enjoy and that keeps you fit is not "writing off" any time. And a team sport has to be a regular commitment so you don't mess around your teammates.

The OP hasn't informed her husband that Sunday afternoons are apparently unsuitable for hobbies - surely that is the crux of this issue? She's unilaterally decided the entire weekend is "sacred family time" and hasn't accepted that other people don't agree.

I think you’ve completely missed the point of the OPs post.

I play tennis too, and I book ahead of time and I might play every week, but it’s not writing off every Sunday afternoon. Which is what the OP has an issue with

I have friends in running clubs, my husband plays golf with people and solo, I have friends husbands that train for sporting events together, go to the gym together.

you don’t seem to be able to accept that people do things differently

All of those are solo except golf, tennis and football.

I play tennis and you have to book courts ahead of time with your partner and then stick, rigidly, to those set times.

It should be obvious that football requires rigid set times to get an entire team together at the same time.

I know what you’re saying. It would irritate me, this idea of having to be back etc. What about if he missed one game in every four would that work better? Then take children along every so often. If he loves it I would try to go with it and would take the opportunity to unwind with the kids whilst he’s out.

Football season is coming to an end now so that gives you the Sunday’s in summer to have family days out.

How many teams are in his League? If there are 12 teams that is 24 games across the season, perhaps a couple of friendlies/cup games. Season presentations are typically in May/ early June as trials begin in June for September start.

I agree. So that the OP has built a solo social life, and her selfish doesn't-value-family partner can get used to fielding the kids without her. Cos divorce is not far away, with this level of mis-matched priorities

As someone upthread says, soon it will be training sessions during the wee. They away matches, team weekends...

The partner here has shown how little they value time as a family, snd how little they care for OP's resentment.

Can’t you just do a family day out on a Saturday, ask him to take kids out Sunday morning & then accept he is out 3-6.

It sounds like he does some school drop offs & is presumably around all school hols to take kids out.

I would say YABU - but then DH always just went to footy. Do your children not do any weekend sports?

Sacred family time🤢🤢 it's fine. Just take some time for yourself on a different day.

I'm sorry OP, I don't think this is unreasonable. Provided or course that you still get some family time at weekends and you get the opportunity to pursue hobbies equally.

No not at all, and if you’d seen my other post I said that every family is different and every treat weekend time differently so it’s what works for your family. If a set time every weekend doesn’t work for the OPs family it doesn’t mean that her husband is banned from having a hobby

So no-one should play a team sport once they have a partner/family?

My adult daughter plays in a football league. At least half of her team mates have young children. And somehow they still enjoy family life. And their matches are at 2pm. If OP's partners matches are at 4pm, I'd count that as a bonus.

Golf? Tennis? Football? Running? Triathlons? Gym? Swimming?

Not every team sport has to take out an afternoon in the week, hobbies can also comprise of non team sports

How would you propose anyone organises a team sport hobby (or anything that isn't solo) without a rigid set time?!

I have my own interests and hobbies, and my husband has his own interests and hobbies. Neither of us would like a hobby that took us out of the house with young children, non- negotiable every Sunday afternoon.

The OP isn’t saying her husband can’t have a hobby and if you can’t see that then I’m not the one that’s stupid…

What a stupid comment, the majority of hobbies involved a set time. Honestly OP you need a hobby yourself. The mums I know who struggled the most when their kids became teenagers and moved out were the ones who did nothing but parent and work for years. You need your own interests.

Agree with pp's who suggest getting the kids interested. Sport, team sports in general can be an important stress buster in our busy lives, as well as having all the well known.physical and mental health benefits. Dare I say much more so than family days out!

Be thankful it's not cricket, all day games though a shorter season than football which intrudes into those precious few weeks of the cricket season and is dangerous as the ground becomes harder. Cricket-loving family person here.
I think a fine for not turning up is entitely reasonable if it's not for a good reason...it',s a team effort

The football by itself doesn’t sound bad but it depends on the context. Why are they as a teacher getting home at 6? Do they have a long commute or are they electing to plan and prep at work and leave the parenting and after school madness to you? As most parents who are teachers rush home to be present with their family and plan and prep after. If they were ducking out of parenting on a day to day basis and then at the weekend, yes I’d be raging.

I coach womens football and my team (and otehr teams in the league) have several mothers. I think the youngest child is 18 months. Our games are during the week cause nobody want to train or play on the weekends (this included parents and non-parents). Few tomes a year there are conflicting schedules with the other parent and we get some little ones on the bench.