How common is it for friends/family not to repay loans?

Its not a case of seeing money differently, or even of being a spender vs a saver or desperate - its a case of character. Decent human beings have a code they live by, and one of the tenets of decency is that just as you return things you borrow, you repay money. In fact you should go a step further and repay not just the actual sum but some interest, as the kindness of the lender will have cost them.

Very common.
My in laws used as a free cash machine always on the promise they would repay, never did and of course it was us being awkward when we refused to do it anymore.

I think there are probably not many genuine reasons to borrow money from a friend/family.

Forty years ago, I lent my sister money. Obviously, I never got it back but it did teach me if someone very close will not pay back their debt then friends are definitely unlikely to.

I’ve only ever borrowed once (with my husband of the time, from his mother). A legal document was drawn up and a standing order set up. We borrowed £5,000 for a house deposit and I paid back £8,400. That taught me a lesson as well.

I’d never lend money now. If I love someone enough (like my adult children) then I’ll give them the money if they need it.

Don’t lend what you can’t afford to lose. Sadly there’s a reason some people can’t get bank loans etc. It makes sense to me that you could lend to family/ friends and then they pay you back with interest higher than saving but lower than borrowing, which would mean that everyone benefits. It’s a bit like when people expect mates rates from small businesses though - because it’s a real person instead of a faceless conglomerate there seems to be some expectation that they should do things for you out of the goodness of their heart instead of it being a financial transaction.

Very common. There is a saying, paraphrasing, about giving money to family and friends and not expecting it back even if called a 'loan'.

If you can't afford to lose it, don't 'lend' it and that goes for the money and the relationship.

@rainershine22 it comes down to morals and self entitlement.

I've borrowed money before and always paid it back exactly as arranged. Not paying it back is exceptionally rude.

I think some people just seem to think they deserve stuff more than someone else and think its OK not to pay them back.

I have lent money a few times to friends, from a few hundred to £3k (quite a decent % of my savings at the time but it was a serious situation for the borrower), and it's always been paid back. (Family have never asked.)

I never lend without thinking about how it would affect me if it weren't repaid. I have known these people well enough to know that if they didnt repay me it would be because they couldn't. Or laziness in which case nagging them would be fine 😂

God, I don’t know how people can live with themselves. My multi millionaire friend lent me £20k when I was leaving my marriage with no job & so I could secure a new house, furnish it from scratch etc. I paid him £5k back in the first year. Then he suddenly and unexpectedly died. I did consider briefly if this meant I didn’t have to pay it back. But morally I couldn’t do that. I contacted his mother and made arrangements to pay it back to his estate which was all being left to his mother. He was a good friend who helped me in a tricky time. Yes he could have afforded to lose the money, his mother inherited millions, £20k wouldn’t have made much difference to her but it wasn’t my money to keep. Anyone who doesn’t pay back these loans are disgusting and devoid of morals.

My husbands brother and wife have borrowed thousands of us and never paid any back. We are better of than them but they aren’t skint. Some of the money was for their wedding and it was actually from my bank account and they just didn’t bother paying any of it back. Unfortunately my husband doesn’t want to fall out with his brother so won’t do anything about it.
some people really don’t have any shame. I’d never do that.

I think some people have a lax approach to other peoples' money in many situations.

I've recently organised a trip out for some friends. It was my idea and so I bought the tickets so we could all sit together. It was agreed in advance that I would do this and then send my bank details for repayment.

2 people out of the 7 have paid me back. Okay, sure it's 'only' £25 a ticket but I am now sitting waiting for the £125 I'm still owed from the others. And as it's the end of the month I could really do with it as I am a bit paycheck to paycheck right now as DHs employer went bust just after Christmas. I've sent 2 reminders already.

Just why?

Many years ago, when I was in my early 20s, I leant my partner a lot of money. Never got a penny back. That taught me to not to lend more than I could afford to lose. I have borrowed money from my parents a few times and always paid it back.

I couldn’t tell you as I would never in a million years loan money to friends or family.

I find this inexpicable too @rainershine22 People borrowing money off someone and never paying it back. It seems to be very common too, and there seems to be more people who do NOT pay it back than there is people who do.

I would never lend ANYone any money, because you know if they are asking you, that they have exhausted other options, like other people, and their bank, and are struggling to get the money. Also, why do they need it? What do they need it for? Why aren't they using a credit card or loan? (Like most other people do if they can't afford anything.) There is a reason for this. Because they are a bad risk!!! Many people don't pay it back, and I find it sickening that they don't pay money back to the person the owe it to, and then go on to spend 1000s of pounds on jollies for themselves. Utterly shameless.

I have had experience of this in the past, people asking for money, I have lent money out twice, and not got it back both times... I now always say no. DH and I came into some money a couple of years ago (low-mid 5 figures,) and DH being DH opened his fucking gob and told people at work. THREE different people held a begging bowl out, as they were 'struggling' to find the money for car repairs, and a vet bill, and a council tax debt. Apparently, the person with the council tax debt said they were going to be dragged to court if they didn't pay off £675 within 7 days..

DH came home with these sob stories, and said 'we have all this money now - nearly £40K, surely we can swing them a few quid? £675 for one person, £1200 for the next one (car repairs,) and £1500 for the third one (vet bill.) I laughed and said they can get to fuck. I said 'what would they have done if you didn't tell them about the money we have just acquired?' He just shrugged his shoulders.

I said 'no way is the money that we need for our later years/retirement going to pay off someone else's debts and bills.' We struggled for many years (maybe 17-18 years) and were on the bones of our arse at times, and not a single SOUL helped us. So they can all fuck off. I don't even know these 3 people FFS, why would I give them my money?! (And it would be giving, because they very likely won't give it back.) I will only ever help our 2 DC if they need it, (and they have never asked!)

I have a relative who constantly owed me money and wouldn't pay it back on time. Last month I ended up hungry and all I had in the house was milk for days. I know she had money at this time and she knew I had no food because of her. I've stopped speaking to her.

I lent someone I thought was a close friend £3000 . She was having issues with her partner and wanted the money for a deposit on a rental.
She immediately booked a foreign holiday and ignored my request for payment back over the months. I hadn't seen her for a few years and then I bumped into her and her daughter. She was all smiles and how nice to see you etc. I took great pleasure in telling her to get stuffed.

We loaned £12k to our best friends a few years ago - they’d had a sudden problem with the business they run, had other money but tied up in assets that would take a while to sell. Definitely a loan, with a repayment schedule agreed in writing.

Not a penny ever repaid, When we asked they would make promises about future repayment but they gradually disclosed more about their business and their assets and it’s clear they don’t actually have the money and were being wildly optimistic to think that they would.

Also they gradually stopped speaking to us/replying to messages, so ultimately we lost the £12k and the friends.

I think you are (understandably) much more likely to be told when people don’t repay. There’s nothing that remarkable about “I leant my brother £80k and he repaid me when he said he would” (which happened to me last year). Or “I gave my best friend the last £4k in my account and she paid me back £100 a month for the next 2 years and then a lump sum for the rest and took me away for a spa weekend because she got a bonus.” As happened in my mid 20s.

Those are the only two times I’ve leant thousands but it’s been a similar story with the more frequent sub £100 loans. I don’t think I’ve told people about any of them before. I’ve only had one person ever try to weasel out of paying. I’ve mentioned that to people a few times - it made for a juicier story than all the times people happily repaid because everyone loves a villain to be outraged at.

A very old and good friend rang me in tears of desperation a couple of years ago and asked for 2K. He started working again a year ago but the money has never been mentioned since, by either of us. I'm disappointed and perplexed. I can afford to write it off but would prefer it to be repaid.
The only upside is that he won't ask for another "loan" as long as this one is outstanding.

It’s only happened to me once really (if I don’t count the odd £10 here and there)
I let a work colleagues wife order something out of my mail order catalogue- it was back when if you added a customer you got commission. She paid 1 payment and then ignored me. It also made it very awkward at work as the husband and my partner were what I thought to be good friends but I was young and non confrontational so I just let it go. Years later she was in the papers for defrauding a charity she worked for😳 and her husband also got sacked for being drunk at work so yeah… the signs were there
I also let a friend order a washing machine on my account but I was so paranoid because of what had happened I made her set up a standing order to repay me and luckily she did make all the payments

I think the key to loaning money is to, in your own private mind, think of it as a gift. If it’s paid back great, if not it takes the sting out. Never “loan” more than you can afford to lose and if someone doesn’t pay it back don’t offer again!

I don’t have much money to give, but have given friends the odd £200 or so. Most have paid it back to be fair. I was thinking I’d always paid money back but actually I’ve never borrowed from friends/family!

I can think of a few occasions. My aunt borrowed £2 k from my parents about 30 years ago. Never paid it back and when asked her excuse was 'you don't need it'. And the sister of a friend who borrowed £25k 2 years back and spaffed it on things and who also says 'you don't need it' to my friend.

I think PP is right- some people see money as something to be spent. If you have it they think you aren't using it so it's available to use.

Sorry pressed post too soon, I will say there’s a some people are innately spenders and some people are innately savers thread and I think that, savers think everyone else are feckless with money, iIt’s more that we can’t figure out how to live within our means while saving (although I’m mw so am generally told I need to find a way to increase my means!!)

I don’t know anyone to have gotten that large a loan from family but I don’t think life is as simple ever as someone choosing not to pay someone back, I’ve family members who have gotten tiny loans from us and said eg they’d have it back Tuesday, then that came and something popped up. It’s easy to say don’t get a loan unless you can pay it back but real life doesn’t always work like that. In the same way I’ve promised people presents making an excuse as to why I didn’t get it when actually I couldn’t afford it that week, but then something else stopped that. Life just sometimes does that

I've asked a few times and she just says I don't need it and that it would just sit in my savings

I think this is a key point. They see money as something to be endlessly spent. Once they've run out of their own, they start looking around to see who else has money they can spend.

It doesn't occur to them if their friends and family have money saved, its usually because they've not spent it themselves on the sort of things the spender has. So in this case the car, cosmetic surgery and £300 school bag.

They also don't prioritise responsibly, so when they run out of their own money, they always need it for something essential so are effectively telling their nearest and dearest 'I've spent all my money on having fun so I want you to pay to feed my kids, pay my electricity bill or help me leave my boyfriend'.

@Hadenough32 tbh, I think if was me, I'd threaten court action for such blatant selfishness and disrespectful behaviour. May sound harsh but she's clearly not treating you like a loved family member.

Aunt lent sister £5-10k, years later sister bought new car, never repaid Aunt. We all were left money in Aunts will, which would have paid sisters loan to Aunt if she had paid it back. She ignored it an took the cash from will. Still enraged.
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