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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious with DH for this?

888 replies

Coffeecherrymama · 25/04/2026 22:05

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

OP posts:
JayJayj · 27/04/2026 21:42

You will manage. I can’t imagine he’d much help with him being so selfish. You will probably find it easier.

It is obviously going to be emotional and difficult. But it’s definitely for the best

cantthinkofagoodusername1 · 27/04/2026 21:41

Coffeecherrymama · 27/04/2026 21:38

I’m worried I won’t cope on my own with my babies though if we spilt up x

I think you will cope, you’ll cope better. Be honest, how helpful has he been with the children so far?
Wishing you and your babies all the best OP x

ImFinePMSL · 27/04/2026 21:41

Coffeecherrymama · 27/04/2026 21:27

I’m going to contact a divorce lawyer tomorrow I think! I’m still fuming with him to be honest but I’m also really upset as well

Im so sorry you’re going through this 😞

He is an absolute cunt!! (And I hate using that word). He has completely ruined the first days you should be enjoying as a family with your new baby. What a disgusting excuse of not only a father, but a human.

Do not have any contact with his parents from now on. They will always believe him and take his side. You will be fighting a losing battle with them, unfortunately.

However, it sounds like you have good support from your parents and sister.

Get all the legal advice you can get. You sound like a hardworking woman and that you have your head screwed on. You’ll get through this, you know you deserve so much better 💐

Original poster
Coffeecherrymama · 27/04/2026 21:38

I’m worried I won’t cope on my own with my babies though if we spilt up x

OP posts:
Original poster
Coffeecherrymama · 27/04/2026 21:38

DH was also very horrible in the hour before his father picked him up from our house yesterday, he didn’t seem to see the problem in him being out all night and how that affected me!! My sister was fuming with him too x

OP posts:
FierceForester90 · 27/04/2026 21:36

Coffeecherrymama · 27/04/2026 21:29

DH has since told his mum and father that I apparently said he could have the night out but I never said that! He has also told them I apparently told him he could go to Ibiza but I had no about the Ibiza trip until I found the tickets!

Why would anyone do that?! Sorry to say but if hes willing to lie and save face with his parents and make you look bad in the process that's not a relationship worth keeping. Concentrate on you and your babies x

Original poster
Coffeecherrymama · 27/04/2026 21:36

WLnamechange · 27/04/2026 21:34

How has he got the money to do this with no job?

He has savings x

OP posts:
moondip · 27/04/2026 21:35

That’s absolutely disgusting from him AND his mum.

WLnamechange · 27/04/2026 21:34

How has he got the money to do this with no job?

nocoolnamesleft · 27/04/2026 21:31

Coffeecherrymama · 27/04/2026 21:29

DH has since told his mum and father that I apparently said he could have the night out but I never said that! He has also told them I apparently told him he could go to Ibiza but I had no about the Ibiza trip until I found the tickets!

So he's a lying scumbag? I am sorry, but he is not the man you thought he was.

Original poster
Coffeecherrymama · 27/04/2026 21:29

DH has since told his mum and father that I apparently said he could have the night out but I never said that! He has also told them I apparently told him he could go to Ibiza but I had no about the Ibiza trip until I found the tickets!

OP posts:
Original poster
Coffeecherrymama · 27/04/2026 21:27

I’m going to contact a divorce lawyer tomorrow I think! I’m still fuming with him to be honest but I’m also really upset as well

OP posts:
Whatsappweirdo · 27/04/2026 20:55

so so sorry op x

user1493379562 · 27/04/2026 19:55

ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · 27/04/2026 07:23

Don’t know, I haven’t verified the facts myself. A legal loophole I expect…. 🤷‍♀️ There are plenty of them!

Feel free to check…. You can let us know…

Legal or not, given what I’ve read, I’d be stopping him coming back in the home one way or another.

I’d be gathering evidence and building a case against him, just in case. And if this is what the OP does to keep the kids and herself safe, so be it.

Edited
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I had two locks on my front door. a chubb lock and a five lever mortise lock. When my ex was messing around, living with his mistress but coming home when he felt like it I got the five lever lock changed and it was quite cheap to do so. I had the locks changed so I could go and see my family to sort my head out. The ex (at the time was a serving police officer) tried to access the house and when he couldn't he tried to get a place of safety order against me. His colleagues who knew what he had been doing just laughed at him.

jdb9803 · 27/04/2026 18:20

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · 27/04/2026 11:34

Jeez, the Opinion Police has turned up 🙄
The perils of asking "am I being unreasonable" means that sometimes you might hear things you don't like.

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I think the reason for asking for the apology wasn’t a difference of opinion it was the patronising tone when they were very very wrong - he wasn’t 5 minutes late, he was 11 hours late - he threw up all over and passed out. He’s also off to Ibiza tomorrow without telling OP - and to top it off, his holiday and 18 hour bender are being paid for by OP as he is unemployed - so yeah, they should apologise

shhblackbag · 27/04/2026 18:20

Is he thinking you're trapped now so he can behave however the fuck he wants?

Money for a secret trip to Ibiza when he's not working. Complete asshat.

Katkens · 27/04/2026 18:01

I’m intrigued to know if you gave birth earlier than expected? I mean - it would be bad whatever the case, but did he think you might still be pregnant when he went to Ibiza and in his head that wouldn’t have been as bad? But booking a secret holiday is awful whatever the case and going out when you’re just home is also not ok.

Lightuptheroom · 27/04/2026 17:53

I can relate to your story as it happened to me 24 years ago. We were divorced by the time DS was 2. Your MIL also has the same attitude as my ex mother in law.
I'm surprised he hasn't shown these behaviours before if your other child is 3.
Unfortunately they can and do 'check out' when there is a newborn around.
Only you can decide what you wish to put up with.

WallaceinAnderland · 27/04/2026 17:45

If he is off work, is he the main carer for the children?

thepariscrimefiles · 27/04/2026 17:44

PlumpHobbit · 27/04/2026 17:40

How has the piece of shit managed to pay for ibiza if hes been out of work so long?

Surely with just one of you working, and you now on maternity pay, every penny will be vital, yet hes spent it on a bloody holiday, for himself only at that, and with a brand new baby at home. Plus drinks and possibly drugs

Youre basically a single mum at this point, so may as well kick him out, im sure mummy would be only too pleased to take him back

I would imagine that his over-indulgent mother probably gave him the money. She definitely seems to think that his behaviour is just fine and dandy and that OP is making a fuss about nothing.

XMissPlacedX · 27/04/2026 17:41

what a piece of shit he is, op I hope your ok

PlumpHobbit · 27/04/2026 17:40

How has the piece of shit managed to pay for ibiza if hes been out of work so long?

Surely with just one of you working, and you now on maternity pay, every penny will be vital, yet hes spent it on a bloody holiday, for himself only at that, and with a brand new baby at home. Plus drinks and possibly drugs

Youre basically a single mum at this point, so may as well kick him out, im sure mummy would be only too pleased to take him back

eastegg · 27/04/2026 17:32

Cariadm · 27/04/2026 16:29

OMFG!!! Not sure why you even feel the need for validation of your anger and disappointment at the selfish, uncaring and frankly unbelievably mean spirited behaviour of your H...not even going to give him the privilege of DH!! 😡
As others have said this is a massive indication of what you will have to get used to in the future in regards to parenting your child (or children should you ever feel tempted to procreate with him again! 🙄) and honestly, I don't know where you go from here as you appear to have absolutely no back up from his mother who should be ashamed of herself but obviously isn't...not difficult to wonder why H is as he is is it!
I am so sorry that you and your little one have been treated so appallingly, is he normally this self obsessed and uncaring or is this a first? Sorry to have to say this but if a person can do something like this apparently without shame then it does not fill me with confidence that he is suddenly going to beg for forgiveness and never do it again...for me the writing is on the wall in big letters and if this is your first child please let it be the last with this excuse for a Dad, partner, husband and friend! 😥
Sending love...xx

Show quote history

I’m afraid the updates are even worse…

Cariadm · 27/04/2026 16:29

Coffeecherrymama · 25/04/2026 22:05

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

OMFG!!! Not sure why you even feel the need for validation of your anger and disappointment at the selfish, uncaring and frankly unbelievably mean spirited behaviour of your H...not even going to give him the privilege of DH!! 😡
As others have said this is a massive indication of what you will have to get used to in the future in regards to parenting your child (or children should you ever feel tempted to procreate with him again! 🙄) and honestly, I don't know where you go from here as you appear to have absolutely no back up from his mother who should be ashamed of herself but obviously isn't...not difficult to wonder why H is as he is is it!
I am so sorry that you and your little one have been treated so appallingly, is he normally this self obsessed and uncaring or is this a first? Sorry to have to say this but if a person can do something like this apparently without shame then it does not fill me with confidence that he is suddenly going to beg for forgiveness and never do it again...for me the writing is on the wall in big letters and if this is your first child please let it be the last with this excuse for a Dad, partner, husband and friend! 😥
Sending love...xx

SunMoonandChocolate · 27/04/2026 16:20

Coffeecherrymama · 26/04/2026 21:58

I don’t think I want DH back in the house at all from now on to be honest

I don't blame you OP, he and his family clearly have a totally different way of looking at life, and to continue with the relationship after this, would I think just be storing up future problems for you and your children, so better to get rid of him altogether now, then the kids won't miss him.

Sorry this has happened to you, but please try not to let it blight the joy of your new baby. Sending you a hug.