To be furious with DH for this?

I get a sense there is more things he has done. This can't be the first of him bringing a prick!

I couldn't come back from this.

You would have less stress with two kids than two kids and a prick of man!

Sounds like the apple didnt fall far from the tree. Your 'DH' and parents are awful.

Seems like he doesnt do much parenting anyway so you'd be better off without him.

Im so angry for you. How dare he do this to you. Your MIL is aweful. I am a MIL and I would boot my son up the ass if he did this to his wife I sure as shit wouldn't pay for it.

This is an incredibly wise comment. I wish I could give it a thousand upvotes.

Better times ahead, OP.

And, congratulations on your gorgeous new baby!

I hope you'll come back to the thread when you have time and headspace, and read through some of the answers again, like the one I've quoted here.

You're already coping with something much worse than being on your own: being with a person who makes you feel like you're insane for expecting basic kindness and love, and for wanting to spend your first night home in a warm little bubble of family, being cared for and brought cups of tea while you all coo over your baby. You're not insane for wanting that. That is what most parents want.

Being on your own bringing up two little ones won't be easy but your husband is showing you the kind of care and support you can expect from him, i.e. not a lot, if any. Instead of supporting each other through the good and bad, you will end up doing everything for him, and there won't be any good because he will cause you constant pain, anger, and confusion. The more you can get him out of your and your kids' lives, the better for everyone, I'd say.

It's awful that he's done this to you, but at least now there's no doubt about what kind of a man he is, and what you can expect going forward.

He might tell you that he'll change. But he will never change while you're still with him. He does not even give you a basic level of respect or kindness that most strangers would. In his mind, he can do what he wants because he thinks he'll get away with it. In his mind, he 'wins' if he has no responsibilities towards his wife and kids, but still gets his laundry done and tea cooked and maybe even sex when he demands it. In his world, you two are not a team - you are someone he has to beat in order to feel he is winning at life.

Anyone can change, but to change from this mindset and become a safe, honest, loving husband and father seems like it would take decades.

In the meantime, you have two little ones to think about, and getting them and yourself in a better situation. Ask your friends and family for help - not his side of the family, obvs. Work out what you need help with - finances and housing are usually the first things that come up - and post on here. You will get excellent advice from women who have made it through some really tough times. Just like you will, OP!

Sorry for the long comment! Really wishing you and your babies the best x

Coffeecherry, how are you doing?

I can only imagine you must be reeling right now that your life has seemingly changed in the blink of an eye, and I really hope you have plenty of real-life support as well as all of us strangers on the internet cheering you on.

I assume he’s gone to Ibiza? Did you have chance to speak beforehand and has he said a single thing to defend himself? It sounds like he’s suddenly realised he’s a father of two and needs to ‘settle down’ and has either decided on one final hurrah, without asking you, or has decided it’s not for him and is running in the opposite direction so he can’t be accused of ‘settling down’. Did he do anything like this when your first baby was born?

It’s heartbreaking that he’s not the person you thought he was, but he’s showing you who he is and where his priorities are right now, so my advice is you let him get on with it. Focus on your babies, and on yourself and your recovery from the birth and the past 9 months, and take all the offers of help you receive from family and your friends. I know I would be packing up his clothes and leaving them for him to collect, but I also know that it’s a lot easier said than done, and raising children, especially when one is a brand new baby, is tough on your own. Sending love and strength.

@Coffeecherrymama did he go to Ibiza yesterday?

Agree. He will be the extra child

Did he actually go to Ibiza, assuming flight was yesterday? How his parents can defend this I don't know.

I hope you support OP and are bonding with baby. Although hormones will be all over the place and clearly a lot going on, please try and focus on yourself and the children. Clearly, 'D'H is a waste of space which you can deal with when you are feeling better. Just ask him to stay away while you sort the kids.

The tickets were for yesterday ? has he gone - do you know ?

I’ve been in a similar position in the past, it really does not get better. You and your children deserve better a life. It will be difficult but with the help and support of your family and friends you can get through this. I think your unbelievably strong for standing up and saying enough, you will have saved years of grief for yourself and your children x

OP, sorry to be nit picky, but I noticed you say that you found 'ticketS' plural, were you just referring to several pieces of paper with details of the booking, etc., or had he booked for you, or someone else, to go with him?

I hope that you and the new baby are now bonding well, as such a major upset may have caused problems.

Sending you all my best wishes for a really happy future, without this waste of space and his family.

I haven’t got time to read the replies so I’m sure I’m not alone in saying this, but just in case:
You already are coping on your own. You handled a brand new baby and a toddler on your own in an extremely upsetting and stressful situation. There won’t be a night on your own that is harder than the one he just gave you (bar maybe a few exceptional events like illnesses etc). The difference will be that you won’t have been put through the wringer in the process. You absolutely can handle day to day life on your own. I’d wager that your life would actually get much easier in the long term.
Big hugs to you x

And the MIL. With people like this, who needs enemies eh!

what an absolute waste of a space of a father and husband. You’re far better off without him in your life.

Is mum sounds awful OP you’ve literally just given birth and she’s enabling her son to treat you this way it’s so cruel how are you feeling

Yes to assist you once home. A cleaner, post birth stay in a private facility, decent takeaway delivered to home etc etc.

his mum sounds like a piece of work with absolutely no standards and of low moral fibre.

Have they always been like this?

His Mum is typically taking his side. It could be against the law to change the locks but you can go to the family Court and get an Occupation Order particul rly if he frightened your child. Similarly, if he goes off and leaves you alone with a 3 yr old plus a new baby, the Court could take measures. Keeping him out depends on you saying he is frightening both you and your little one. Might make him think too. You need support around you and a plan that doesn’t depend on him. If he comes home drunk or frightening, call police. Right now your recovery and the baby come first.

Schrodinger's Ibiza Trip!

You will find the strength to get through it wont be easy sometimes. He booked a holiday without telling you to leave you alone to care for 2 DCs when you have just delivered his child!!!! What is there to stay for? He doesnt work, he is a liar, he is a sneak he sounds like a mummies boy. How will you ever trust him again . At the age of 62 I can honestly tell you that unless a man is an equel partner its just not worth it, you can get a dildo to perform his functions. He might have the kids for a couple of weekends a month if you divorce which sadly is a huge amount of free time compared to a married women. Men are failing badly and they cant even work out why. Their loneliness epidemic is self inflicted. Unlike previous generations of women you dont have to put up with the scraps he thinks you deserve. Good luck.

I thought you'd been home a month or two at first and still thought YWNBU - I imagine if you wanted a night out you wouldn't be able to just say 'well I'm entitled to go out', you'd be checking with him first so I'm not sure why he felt entitled to just waltz off?

Only to discover it was the night you got home from the hospital!? What on earth was he thinking!? Bless you OP, you deserve far better and I'm sure you will cope without him. It will probably prove easier actually. He's clearly one of those men who thinks sitting in the same house as his child is enough parenting for a Dad. Sounds like you'll be far better off without him!

Oh jeez. Another one. Is this completely new unsurprising behaviour? I doubt it very much, so may women become pregnant by men who act like children but expect that they’ll miraculously grow up overnight because you have given birth. He sounds like a dick. I know so many MILs like this so precious over their little boys, who can’t do anything wrong in their eyes.