I hope you'll come back to the thread when you have time and headspace, and read through some of the answers again, like the one I've quoted here.
You're already coping with something much worse than being on your own: being with a person who makes you feel like you're insane for expecting basic kindness and love, and for wanting to spend your first night home in a warm little bubble of family, being cared for and brought cups of tea while you all coo over your baby. You're not insane for wanting that. That is what most parents want.
Being on your own bringing up two little ones won't be easy but your husband is showing you the kind of care and support you can expect from him, i.e. not a lot, if any. Instead of supporting each other through the good and bad, you will end up doing everything for him, and there won't be any good because he will cause you constant pain, anger, and confusion. The more you can get him out of your and your kids' lives, the better for everyone, I'd say.
It's awful that he's done this to you, but at least now there's no doubt about what kind of a man he is, and what you can expect going forward.
He might tell you that he'll change. But he will never change while you're still with him. He does not even give you a basic level of respect or kindness that most strangers would. In his mind, he can do what he wants because he thinks he'll get away with it. In his mind, he 'wins' if he has no responsibilities towards his wife and kids, but still gets his laundry done and tea cooked and maybe even sex when he demands it. In his world, you two are not a team - you are someone he has to beat in order to feel he is winning at life.
Anyone can change, but to change from this mindset and become a safe, honest, loving husband and father seems like it would take decades.
In the meantime, you have two little ones to think about, and getting them and yourself in a better situation. Ask your friends and family for help - not his side of the family, obvs. Work out what you need help with - finances and housing are usually the first things that come up - and post on here. You will get excellent advice from women who have made it through some really tough times. Just like you will, OP!
Sorry for the long comment! Really wishing you and your babies the best x