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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be furious with DH for this?

888 replies

Coffeecherrymama · 25/04/2026 22:05

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

OP posts:
Passingthrough123 · 25/04/2026 22:55

Coffeecherrymama · 25/04/2026 22:36

He is still not home now and he’s still not answering any calls or messages

Double lock the front door, switch your phone off and get some sleep. If he wants to be an utter prick on his newborn baby's first night at home, he can do it while sleeping off his hangover in the garden.

Then tomorrow you need a serious think about whether you want to stay married to such a selfish git.

Original poster
Coffeecherrymama · 25/04/2026 22:53

But I don’t really want him around the baby drunk

OP posts:
Original poster
Coffeecherrymama · 25/04/2026 22:53

He’s still not home. I don’t really want him in the house drunk when he gets home but I have no choice because he has his own key so he will just let himself in.

OP posts:
Apillthatmakesyousayalltherightstuff · 25/04/2026 22:53

Oof. Just imagine you're talking to your children in 10 years or so... And when Baby1 was born Daddy was so excited, holding my hand so tight and wiping my forehead with a warm flannel. 'What about when I was born?' asks Baby2. Oh, erm. Well Daddy wanted to go to the pub with his mates that night...

99bottlesofkombucha · 25/04/2026 22:53

PeachySmile2 · 25/04/2026 22:37

Not sure who is the biggest prick - DH or MIL. They deserve each other 🤢

This- a day old baby and just leaving his wife to it!!

tachetastic · 25/04/2026 22:51

Coffeecherrymama · 25/04/2026 22:36

He is still not home now and he’s still not answering any calls or messages

Does his mum live nearby? If so, I'd be tempted to lock the door and leave a note for him to go and spend the night at hers and come back in the morning when he's in a fit state to be a father to his newborn child.

Do you really want him walking in pissed and trying to do a night time feed and change?

I'm so sorry @Coffeecherrymama. This isn't what a man celebrating the birth of his baby is meant to look like and his mother's attitude is disgraceful.

neilyoungismyhero · 25/04/2026 22:48

My first husband picked me up early from the hospital so he could go to football on the Sunday. He then went to his usual after match drink up until 2.30. I cooked an oven tray thing and sat looking at my first child in almost panic. I'd never even held a baby before. I never forgave him and neither should you. Selfish piece of crap.

Gymnopedie · 25/04/2026 22:47

His mates have told him it's the tradition for men to go out on the first night to 'wet the baby's head' (yes, it used to be a thing). And he's been too weak or too selfish to say no. You are going to have to have a major word with him when he does come in, and when he's sobered up he has a LOT of grovelling to do. If he doesn't, take note. He might not have been like this before but he might be now.

aWeeCornishPastie · 25/04/2026 22:46

I take it he has form for this kind of behaviour OP

Bbq1 · 25/04/2026 22:46

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Wtf. Are you for real?

sittingonabeach · 25/04/2026 22:45

I would be telling DS what I thought of him if he acted like this

Autumngirl5 · 25/04/2026 22:44

SunMoonandChocolate · 25/04/2026 22:17

Piss off MIL!

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If I was his mother, I would be tearing him off a strip and tell him to grow up. Appalling behaviour. I’m so sorry OP.

GinaandGin · 25/04/2026 22:44

lottiegarbanzo · 25/04/2026 22:41

Get him to come home? He’s not a child. He’s a father of two.

Don't waste your energy. Focus on you and your children. Do what you need to do. If he wants to be a dad he will be, if not, not.

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If only women could opt out of responsibilities like that

GinaandGin · 25/04/2026 22:43

LadyTable · 25/04/2026 22:37

I’m asking a simple question.

But as it seems to have caused a few mini meltdowns, I’ll leave you all to it.

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You were shit stirring
He should not be going out boozing in the first place
He should be at home celebrating the baby by spending time with baby and doing his duties as a father
And supporting his partner.
Attitudes like yours continue the bar being so low that it's in hell

PepsiBook · 25/04/2026 22:42

He chose to miss his first evening at home with his new baby? That's disgraceful.

thisisyoursign · 25/04/2026 22:42

Appalling behaviour from DH and MIL. I can’t believe he left you to go drinking and I can’t believe MIL said he’s entitled to celebrate. He should be at home looking after you. I’m so sorry.

Forty85 · 25/04/2026 22:42

What a prize prick. If this was my son id be ib the pub myself marching him home. Going out to wet the babies head I don't see an issue with, but once you are all settled home and youre doing okay and happy with it. Not your first fucking night home. I'd message him tell him the doors getting locked as you're going to sleep and he can go to his mums to stay the night. I'm so shocked anyone would find this acceptable on your first night home.

lottiegarbanzo · 25/04/2026 22:41

Coffeecherrymama · 25/04/2026 22:15

Because I called her assuming she would be appalled at his behaviour and get him to come back home

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Get him to come home? He’s not a child. He’s a father of two.

Don't waste your energy. Focus on you and your children. Do what you need to do. If he wants to be a dad he will be, if not, not.

Popiscle · 25/04/2026 22:41

He should have stayed home with his family and enjoyed the first evening having the new baby at home. He should be looking after you, not swanning off at this time. So sorry, OP, and for your MIL too.

whymadam · 25/04/2026 22:40

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Jesus.

Pistachiocake · 25/04/2026 22:40

NuffSaidSam · 25/04/2026 22:11

YANBU

But what I don't understand is how has this side of his personality never shown itself before? Because either this is who he is and you've made a baby with a complete prick or this is wildly out of character and he's having a breakdown/got a brain tumour.

She said it's their second, so yes, I would be worried, as presumably she wouldn't have had another if he'd acted like this with the firstborn.
But it's really strange if his mum's just started being out of order too-I assume you would have challenged her before if she had been unreasonable first time round, OP? I'm all for grandparents helping out, but not for their presumably adult kids asking their views about going out!

LadyTable · 25/04/2026 22:37

GinaandGin · 25/04/2026 22:32

Why are you justifying bad behaviour

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I’m asking a simple question.

But as it seems to have caused a few mini meltdowns, I’ll leave you all to it.

Happyjoe · 25/04/2026 22:37

Teacupover5 · 25/04/2026 22:29

Chill out -I was glad my DH was out and I got my lovely baby to myself

Not everyone is the same as you, the OP also said he was aware she was struggling.

PeachySmile2 · 25/04/2026 22:37

Not sure who is the biggest prick - DH or MIL. They deserve each other 🤢

Original poster
Coffeecherrymama · 25/04/2026 22:36

He is still not home now and he’s still not answering any calls or messages

OP posts: