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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious with DH for this?

888 replies

Coffeecherrymama · 25/04/2026 22:05

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

OP posts:
99bottlesofkombucha · 25/04/2026 23:48

muggart · 25/04/2026 23:25

you can always pass it off as an accident… baby brain plus exhaustion plus no help.. little mistakes are bound to happen!

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Yes whats going to happen? He wakes up the street so they all know he’s raging drunk the night his wife had a baby? He calls the police and they look at the 24 h old baby and the drunk man and their faces say you fucking twat?? There is no scenario where the op gets in any trouble for this whether it’s legal or not.

tachetastic · 25/04/2026 23:48

Lotrgot · 25/04/2026 23:44

DP going to vote Reform. We have never agreed on politics, but this is just shit. I don't know how I feel about him tbh. Im voting Green. I have said please dont tell anyone, i would be mortified! Don't really know what I'm asking here. Just wanted to get it off my chest and see what others think.

I think you posted on the wrong thread.

DownyBirch · 25/04/2026 23:47

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 25/04/2026 23:15

Not legal, no

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But. let's face it, who's going to arrest the mother of a newborn baby?

tachetastic · 25/04/2026 23:46

PyongyangKipperbang · 25/04/2026 23:42

That it has happened once, on this day of all days, is enough. Any other day, maybe but not today.

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So what are you suggesting in practice?

somanychristmaslights · 25/04/2026 23:46

Lotrgot · 25/04/2026 23:44

DP going to vote Reform. We have never agreed on politics, but this is just shit. I don't know how I feel about him tbh. Im voting Green. I have said please dont tell anyone, i would be mortified! Don't really know what I'm asking here. Just wanted to get it off my chest and see what others think.

Create your own post, don’t jump on this one.

somanychristmaslights · 25/04/2026 23:45

Don’t put the key in the lock. He’ll likely wake the whole house (and your neighbours) trying to get in. But I’d leave him a note saying he has to sleep on the sofa. And tomorrow, he better be the most sorry, grovelling husband ever!!!

Lotrgot · 25/04/2026 23:44

DP going to vote Reform. We have never agreed on politics, but this is just shit. I don't know how I feel about him tbh. Im voting Green. I have said please dont tell anyone, i would be mortified! Don't really know what I'm asking here. Just wanted to get it off my chest and see what others think.

hypnovic · 25/04/2026 23:42

Coffeecherrymama · 25/04/2026 22:16

What the hell?? I don’t keep him caged up??

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This must be his foul mother you are replying to

PyongyangKipperbang · 25/04/2026 23:42

tachetastic · 25/04/2026 23:35

Stop clutching your pearls. She has said this isn't what he's normally like. He messed up big time tonight but it doesn't have to happen again.

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That it has happened once, on this day of all days, is enough. Any other day, maybe but not today.

JellyTrees · 25/04/2026 23:42

This is so awful. Do you have family or friends nearby who could either come stay with you and tell him to go back to his mum's until he's grown up, or pick you up? You need taken care of right now, not all this added stress.

Talk with your health visitor and have her speak to him.

Imbusytodaysorry · 25/04/2026 23:42

ByRealOtter · 25/04/2026 23:15

Yes! Absolutely!!!!

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Obviously she would do it by mistake as she is very tired

tachetastic · 25/04/2026 23:41

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 25/04/2026 23:32

He’s a lazy cunt, not a child that needs to be trained though. Sadly I don’t think any amount of training would help 🙄

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Worth having a go though before writing him off. Could prove to be a diamond in the rough and all that.

DownyBirch · 25/04/2026 23:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OP is making him feel trapped? What utter nonsense. Clearly OP is not locking him in, and it's not as if he even bothered to ask if it would be OK with her. No man with a shred of decency or morality would think of going out on the lash in these circumstances.

ByRealOtter · 25/04/2026 23:41

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 25/04/2026 23:17

He’s entitled to enter his own home unfortunately

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True but he really “deserves” a night out apparently so he should literally stay out of his home if he and his mum think that.

DownyBirch · 25/04/2026 23:39

Coffeecherrymama · 25/04/2026 22:09

Our second child x

His mum is saying he’s “entitled” to a night out and “entitled to celebrate the baby” but I’m absolutely furious

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His mum may be thinking back to when she was having children when she would have spent the first few nights in hospital and there was no problem with the father going out to celebrate. When it's your first night home and, I assume, you gave birth very recently, going out should be absolutely out of the question. His dickhead friends shouldn't be facilitating this, either.

OneFineDay22 · 25/04/2026 23:38

Coffeecherrymama · 25/04/2026 23:14

We don’t have a chain but I think I’ll leave my key in the door, is it ok for me to lock him out of his own house though?

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“is it ok for me to lock him out of his own house though?”

Yes. Under these circumstances I think I would tbh.

tachetastic · 25/04/2026 23:35

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 25/04/2026 23:20

This wont improve. He's shown you who he is.

Stop clutching your pearls. She has said this isn't what he's normally like. He messed up big time tonight but it doesn't have to happen again.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 25/04/2026 23:32

tachetastic · 25/04/2026 23:30

Even if someone is legally entitled to enter their family home, I don't think one night spent sleeping in their car or on their mum's sofa will do them any harm, if it teaches them an important lesson.

The OP's DH is still young enough to learn.

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He’s a lazy cunt, not a child that needs to be trained though. Sadly I don’t think any amount of training would help 🙄

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 25/04/2026 23:31

muggart · 25/04/2026 23:25

you can always pass it off as an accident… baby brain plus exhaustion plus no help.. little mistakes are bound to happen!

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Good point well made! Accidents do happen in that situation…

tachetastic · 25/04/2026 23:30

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 25/04/2026 23:24

He’s entitled to enter the house though, even if he is a total cunt

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Even if someone is legally entitled to enter their family home, I don't think one night spent sleeping in their car or on their mum's sofa will do them any harm, if it teaches them an important lesson.

The OP's DH is still young enough to learn.

Willyoujust · 25/04/2026 23:30

I’d be fucking fuming!!! What a selfish prick!!

Isekaied · 25/04/2026 23:29

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 25/04/2026 23:15

Not legal, no

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It doesn't matter- what is he gonna a do to his wife who is a new mum- report her?!

If she wants to lock him out- let her.

Maybe it'll be the wake up call he needs.

shhblackbag · 25/04/2026 23:29

What an absolute twat he sounds. Sorry.

OnceUponATimed · 25/04/2026 23:29

Coffeecherrymama · 25/04/2026 22:24

He isn’t usually like this

Just wanted to add a message. My DH did this when DS2 was 2 days old. My dad went with him.They all got really pised, and my dad drove them home. DH invited his friend to stay over, he was sick in our sink. They all woke me, DS1 and DS2 up.
I didn't trust anyone else to look after them.So how to put them, both back to bed at about three am.
It's the one and only time in our 26 year old relationship that I slapped him.
I am never that slappy person. And he has never been a twat like that again. DS2 is now a lovely grown up and we all got past it well

I'm only saying this because you're husband is usually decent. As is mine.

Around here wetting the baby's head is it tradition that all of blokes I know, have done. It's a stupid tradition, but it's considered very normal.

Annie834 · 25/04/2026 23:26

YANBU this is ridiculous. And I’m usually big on everyone should still get their nights out after a child, I posted in a similar thread today that I don’t see a problem with husband going out when baby was 10 weeks, but first night home is mind blowing. Congrats on your baby!