To be furious with DH for this?

Astounding behaviour. Literally WTF. a special place in hell for men like this honestly.

None of us have any idea what he is like but OP has said that he is not normally like this, and I choose to trust her judgement on her own husband. He has messed up and he needs to learn his lesson, but it doesn't need to be repeated. Don't make it into a bigger deal than it needs to be.

If he does return home, OP, suggest you remain very calm.

Simply tell him you don’t think there’s any way back from what he’s done today. Because you don’t want a relationship with someone who doesn’t love you. Then leave it at that, making clear he should stay elsewhere tonight, or certainly not anywhere near you or the children, as presumably he’s been drinking heavily.

I don’t know any man, of any generation, who’d do such a thing.

This is even worse because it's your second and you have a fresh newborn and a toddler to juggle. There are no words for this.

Everybody advising lock him out aren't thinking straight.... A drunk man coming home to find he can't get in his house is unlikely to just quietly and meekly decamp to his mums or wherever. He's potentially more likely to bang the door/ring the bell and shout in the street demanding to be let in. All of this will be more upsetting for Op and potentially wake the baby and older child. Plus the neighbours. Unless he's a quiet drunk. He's a thoughtless husband and a worse father but it's probably safer Op to let him in, sleep it off and sort the future out in the morning.

This isn't a mistake. He left his wife at home with their newborn baby on the first night she was home from hospital to go out with his mates to a pub.
Don't excuse a crap husband and father.

This!!!!!!

I would send him 1 last message saying “stay at your mums tonight” and double lock the door or leave you key in it then go get yourself some sleep, congratulations on your new baby x

Im assuming all, or most of his other 25yo mates he’s out with aren’t fathers themselves?

I crikey, I agree with that. If I was OP DH would be sleeping in the car on the driveway for a week while still being expected to clean the house and do his share of nappy changes. I wasn't being an apologist. What I was saying was that comments like "He's shown you the man he is. He will never change." are unhelpful. He can change. One fuck up doesn't have to mean divorce.

Still doesn't mean you let him off though.

I'd be so angry. Absolute selfish fucker. He's blatantly ignoring you.

Stop calling and messaging him. Go and try and get some sleep.

On the first child, the dad tries to make an effort. On the second child, he doesn't. Sorry OP, but this is his way of saying the newborn is your child, not his, and he's not going to help. Things usually get much, much worse after the second child. They're your kids now, and if you ask for anything, you're just a nag.

Oh gosh it gets worse. He is an a grade asshat. Lock the door and let him sleep on the doorstep. So sorry this is happening to you OP x

YANBU

What an utterly selfish and disrespectful man.

Though hardly surprising, given his mother’s reaction. What a dreadful woman to have as a MIL and grandmother to one’s children.

He clearly doesn’t love you. Suggest you act on that accordingly.

Why do I smell a man who will say "I didnt see the divorce coming" with the caveat "my mum said what I was doing was fine".

So sorry about your first night home from hospital. Your partner has been very selfish and probably shouldn't be around a newborn. As for his Mum, just ignore

I am a suggesting that it isnt a "ahh its just one off! Let him be!" situation when the OP literally just left hospital with a brand new baby that she birthed.

Its a "tear him a new one" situation.

We all go out and lose track or have a few too many (often both) but doing that on the evening of the day your wife and newborn have been discharged from hospital is so wrong I am amazed that anyone can find any way to be an apologist about this!

This is a fucking unhinged thing to say to a freshly postpartum woman.

It’s absolutely fine. You say you locked it to feel safe and didn’t realise your key was in it, because you were exhausted with giving birth and distracted by the baby crying. This is all completely reasonable!!! I’d be planning the bonfire of everything he owns for when I was physically a bit more capable so it sounds like your husband is a lucky man for not being married to me.

Its not a police matter, its a civil matter.

If he called the police they would see the state of him and actively encourage him to leave. If he kicked off he would be arrested, not the OP. Then he would need to go to court to get access to the property, it has nothing to do with the police.

100% this. What an absolute prick he is, and his mother running interference for him. Ugh.