To be furious with DH for this?

He’s acting outrageously and sounds like his Mum is part of the problem. He probably learned his attitude from his parents in childhood. Was he like this with your first?

My DH didn’t go out for months after each of our DC were born and when he did it was with me and GPs babysat. Had to persuade him to go as well, he didn’t want to leave the DC. He’s not some saint though, just a normal involved Dad. You have the right to expect the same from your DH and if he is incapable of that I would consider going it alone as you will be shouldering all the burden if you stay with him.

I would imagine that a night on the tiles is probably at the bottom of OP's list of priorities. Realising that she is married to a man who doesn't give a shiny shite about his newly post-partum wife and his new baby should be her focus now.

I'm pretty sure that the hospital wouldn't have released OP to go home if they were aware that she would be left completely on her own with a new baby and a 3-year old. What if she started bleeding or the baby had breathing difficulties? He's a callous and uncaring cunt.

YAdefNBU.

Sick of MILs defending their childish sons. No wonder so many men have probs being adults.

Honestly though wonder why women have such low standards.

It's probably not going to get better OP. If it doesn't, you need to decide what you want to do. Waste your life on this guy who behaves like an AH or go have a good life without him.

Not really sure what you want @Coffeecherrymama

Your dh is an asshole. So is his mum.
Neither respect you.
It won't change.

This is a weird dynamic. I never phone my MIL when my DH pisses me off.

This is a weird dynamic. I never phone my MIL when my DH pisses me off.

Of course they don’t. They do have access to resources and expertise in post-partum issues, including safety for both mother and baby. If a dad is getting wasted and going awol on day 1 at home, and the mil (who has been turned to for support) is unwilling to see why this is a problem, the health visitor can make sure he understands the dangers of being drunk in care of a newborn, and what appropriate support of a postpartum mother looks like.

JFC your bar is low! He went out at 4.00 pm leaving his newly post-partum wife on her own with their brand new baby and a three-year old and it is now eight hours later and he isn't back, hasn't been in touch to check that she is OK and he hasn't even read her messages.

How is there any coming back from this?

Ignore the trolls on here. That’s an absolutely abhorrent way to treat you. I’m actually shocked. Also why is your MIL putting her oar in?! She should be thinking about her daughter in law who’s just given birth!! I honestly despair at the depiction of so many men on here. Rest up OP and I hope he realises how ridiculous he has been and grovels but somehow I fear he won’t.

My dad did the exact same thing after bringing my brother home from the hospital.
Left mum, me and the baby in the house with no food.

The father of your child went off and got drunk the first night his baby was at home and you think that's good. You need a higher bar.

Hope you had a okay night given the circumstances, I’d be absolutely fuming OP you’re definitely not being unreasonable your first night home is special plus some help would be nice!

Yes, that’s exactly what she wants to do with a one day old baby and a toddler…

OP he’s a total piece of shit and you deserve better.

Well there's only one thing for it- it's your turn now for a night on the tiles and he can stay home with the baby!

Agree with this!

He’s the one who has undermined her.

No it’s not!

But this needs to be sorted properly, when he’s sober.

Did he come back?

I don’t know if going on MN when you’re full of hormones from a new baby is a good idea. But I guess why you’ve done it, it’s can be reassuring especially when others (dh/mil) have tried to make you feel you’re being unreasonable. Only thing is by the time you’re done here someone will have convinced you to divorce him, burn his clothes and change the locks. You’d get a range of Understandable to extreme suggestions by people who don’t have to live it out. Thing is, at this point early post birth, your body’s gone through so much and you might make decisions you normally wouldn’t. Also MN can be unkind too which you don’t need.

At this point please book and plan nice things for you and your babies. Arrange (good) friends to come over and coo and make a fuss over you and your babies. Tell good friends you need a pamper and look forward to that. DH likely knows he’s out of order but you really don’t need an argument now or to make him the focus of your energy. Otherwise you’d just stew and worse still, draw inference about your worth from a man who is (for the moment) being very inconsiderate.

Much much later when things have calmed down, you can quietly assess in your own head your DH’a behaviour.

if nothing else any reaction or talks you have with him now will be chalked up to you being irrational which will gaslight you and make things worse. It’s far more effective and scary if you don’t knee jerk react as someone who has acted badly expects.. for now.

This 100%. Unbelievable behaviour.

You’re sleep deprived caring for a newborn alone - we all do things accidentlh when tired 😉

Agreed but he also became a parent at 22 which is very young and not all men (in fact I’d argue most) are mature enough in their 20s full stop never mind early 20s…

His behaviour is obviously outrageous so I’m not making excuses for him. I’m surprised his mother backed him like this too. Maybe she knows something you don’t and he’s miserable but only been confiding in her?

I would be leaving. It’s not often I say this but I’d find this unforgivable,

@Coffeecherrymama hope you’re ok this morning.

ofc you’re NOT unreasonable to be upset

1. that he decided to leave without even asking on your first day home alone with a newborn (and an older child)

2. he has ignored you all evening - what if you had needed to go to the hospital.

he sounds very immature. I know you say he’s not usually like this but it’s strange for him to behave so extremely out of the blue. I woudlnt ask his mother in law to get involved in any further issues as she clearly only wants to support her son regardless of the situation. Hope you have other good support available that are there do you!!!

congratulations on new baby and hope there can be a swift resolutoon

If he never used to be like this and it's a sudden change, I would question whether there's something else going on - maybe a situation at work? Having his head turned?

It's all very well for the poster upthread to criticise people suggesting that she reconsiders whether she wants to be in this relationship, because OP has just had a baby, but the reality is that she should be considering all the options and potential reasons for his behaviour. He's not thinking about her having just had a baby and that's her reality - posters can't give her genuine hrlp if we have to sugar handle with kid gloves. The OP had a baby not a lobotomy - she asked for advice and she deserves honesty from those who respond to her thread.

I hope you are okay And getting some rest.