To be furious with DH for this?

Wow. This is indefensible, he clearly doesn’t care that his newborn has just had their first night at home. To come home in that state is absolutely awful. Your DP is supposed to be someone who enhances and makes your life better, not harder!!

does he sound as though he's that kind of partner?

OP, i think your "partner" found your thread (or his mum)

Is he using his paternity leave for Ibiza?

Normal people do not do this or any of the other batshit suggestions in the thread. Such as get MIL to come look after the baby today cos he had a night out.

honestly some of you people do not live in the real world

Please make plans to leave him. This is unforgivable.

His behaviour confirmed the needs of your kids and yourself come second to him and his mates. Coming home at this time steaming? Yeah I’d say very likely drugs.

last night coupled with a secret trip away? You’re not a team and for me, the relationship would be dead in the water.

Ignore his mum OP. The fact she thinks this is ok sums up the type of person she probably is and explains why he thinks this sort of behaviour is acceptable.

Get your sister to help you pack a bag for him and when he’s in a fit state to be moved get him to his mums and ask him to stay there.
Use the time he’s in Ibiza to get the rest of his stuff packed up and make a plan for the future.

Yes your dad gave you lesson on how to be a real dick, but probably your mother never forgave him. She probably would have left if the stigma & financial means of certain cultures allowed. Having been a midwife who saw this happen to women over & over again women never forget at their most vulnerable time they were abandoned by their husbands. You have taken the arrogance of your father. You should be so ashamed.

As his dad is coming to collect him (and I assume his trip to Ibiza) I would use the time and space to have solicitors appointments and bag all his stuff up and send round to his mum’s as she seems to see nothing wrong with his behaviour.

As to the people who said their fathers went on benders when they were born and their mothers didn’t bat an eyelid. Doesn’t make it okay. Yes I get that men like to wet the baby’s head but not the day after they are home from hospital. Also not all night and coming home in a state that the OP has a drunken (possibly drugged) liability on top of 2 children to deal with. Again just after giving birth herself. Women when they have just had birth need help and support both physically and mentally. I couldn’t come back from this lack of consideration and respect for you. So sorry.

Fair enough but she didn't get it, found out what she's like with her response, but still sent a video as well later?
They're grown adults, if DS is being an arsehole in his relationship I'm not sure what I'd be expected to do - not like I can tell him off and send him to bed early anymore.
You need to take a bit more personal responsibility in your late 20s.

Show me a thread on here where we hear both sides. You can't. We have to take OPs at their word without any evidence to the contrary. This is a site to support mothers and if anyone desperately needs support, it's OP.

It's obvious why he is like he is. It's because of his mother's attitude that he can behave in a despicable fashion but it's never his fault.

He stayed out all night and came back in such an awful state that OP who only left hospital yesterday with her new baby has had to clean up his vomit and other bodily fluids, yet his mother just thinks that 'boys will be boys'.

By doubting OP's word and looking for reasons why she is to blame, you are defending him and his hideous mother.

She wanted SUPPORT from her MIL.

It was the OP contacting his mum so she could tell him off. She seemingly wants her interfering.

Because he’s a mummy’s boy ?

They think they're being ultra cool when in fact they look ultra stupid and juvenile...

Was just thinking the same, there's some proper dickhead responses on here lately.

I'm saying that I think that she has enough to deal with and think about right now, without the insinuation that she also consider the stability of her marriage right now.

Pouring bleach into someone's eyes and mouths would constitute assault. Not sure OP needs to worry about being arrested on top of everything else!

He has behaved unforgivably. I would be horrified if my husband can crawling in after being missing all night, vomiting everywhere and frightening the children, let alone with a very, very young newborn! I mean, surely you're quite sore and tired ANYWAY, plus looking after the 3 year old.

The secret Ibiza tickets - when was he even going to tell you?

Not that this excuses anything, but did he want this baby? Sounds like he's trying to escape. Maybe you should help him out by packing his bags. Unlikely he can come back from this.

As much as he deserves it do not take revenge on this man. You need to be whiter than white @Coffeecherrymama ; he's the bad guy, you're the good one.
Stay on the moral high ground.

Lots of people print them out on paper as they don’t use apps.

Love this!

Did you have a good relationship with MIL before? Her reaction is terrible too.

Were their signs that he’d checked out of the relationship before? Going to Ibiza is really confirming that.

Make sure to superglue his passport together.

I genuinely know of someone who celebrated the the birth of his child by visiting his mistress on the same day.
Get your duck in a row, just in case.