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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be furious with DH for this?

888 replies

Coffeecherrymama · 25/04/2026 22:05

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

OP posts:
ChillingWithMySnowmies · 26/04/2026 13:50

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · 26/04/2026 13:49

Drugs?! Are we just making stuff up now 😕

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OP herself said she wondered if he'd taken drugs because of the state he is in. so no, no-one is making stuff up.

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · 26/04/2026 13:49

MrsPicklesToBe · 26/04/2026 13:44

Where was he til 9.15am?! That’s unforgivable especially if drugs too and vomit around a newborn and 3 years old. You’re better off rid of him I’m afraid to say. His family sound like scum bags too!

Drugs?! Are we just making stuff up now 😕

ChillingWithMySnowmies · 26/04/2026 13:49

sounds to me like a silly little boy who isn't actually emotionally mature enough to be married or a parent of one child, never mind two.

OP.. get rid of him.

My ExH was an absolute cunt to me, but he was never a left me home alone with a newborn, rolling in drunk at 9am, vomiting on my carpet & passing out sort of a cunt.

You have a special level of cunt there.

ThatBlackCat · 26/04/2026 13:48

Catpuss66 · 26/04/2026 13:20

Put the video on FB say his mom thinks this is ok, on your first day home with a newborn. Out them both. Shame them both. Badly behaved people don’t like being called out in public.

Yes, do this. He deserves shaming! It's the least he deserves.

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · 26/04/2026 13:48

Ilovecakey · 26/04/2026 13:47

How would he know it was her who did it. Doesn't sound like hes in a state to remember anything

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Oh, that makes it alright then! 🙄
FFS

Ilovecakey · 26/04/2026 13:47

Passingthrough123 · 26/04/2026 12:44

Pouring bleach into someone's eyes and mouths would constitute assault. Not sure OP needs to worry about being arrested on top of everything else!

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How would he know it was her who did it. Doesn't sound like hes in a state to remember anything

Ilovecakey · 26/04/2026 13:46

Charel2girl5 · 26/04/2026 12:38

Love this!

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Thank you

PigglyWigglyOhYeah · 26/04/2026 13:44

Apologies - I voted YABU by accident. You absolutely are NOT being unreasonable.

MrsPicklesToBe · 26/04/2026 13:44

Where was he til 9.15am?! That’s unforgivable especially if drugs too and vomit around a newborn and 3 years old. You’re better off rid of him I’m afraid to say. His family sound like scum bags too!

ThatBlackCat · 26/04/2026 13:43

KiwiFall · 26/04/2026 13:06

As his dad is coming to collect him (and I assume his trip to Ibiza) I would use the time and space to have solicitors appointments and bag all his stuff up and send round to his mum’s as she seems to see nothing wrong with his behaviour.

As to the people who said their fathers went on benders when they were born and their mothers didn’t bat an eyelid. Doesn’t make it okay. Yes I get that men like to wet the baby’s head but not the day after they are home from hospital. Also not all night and coming home in a state that the OP has a drunken (possibly drugged) liability on top of 2 children to deal with. Again just after giving birth herself. Women when they have just had birth need help and support both physically and mentally. I couldn’t come back from this lack of consideration and respect for you. So sorry.

Not even the day after. The very same day she left the hospital.

Those that say their fathers took off think their dysfunctional upbringing was normal so castigate those with higher standards than them, to make themselves feel better.

Sensiblesal · 26/04/2026 13:42

Passingthrough123 · 26/04/2026 13:20

So in your real world you wouldn't mind your DH going out the same day you brought your newborn home and leaving you to deal with them and a toddler, then coming home around 20 hours later at breakfast time so drunk he vomited all over the house?

I think I'd rather live in my real world with standards and boundaries.

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in my world people don’t act so petty, just cos the husband has wrongly gone for a night out and acted like a complete chump does not justify

changing locks (esp if you own jointly)
getting his mother to collect him
pouring bleach on him (WTF)
go out for the day & leave baby with MIL - who we have determined is an absolute tool & deffo should not be left with the children
take videos and post them on facebook/send to mother
lock him out - which could have led to him banging on doors & neighbours calling the police
destory/hide the passport - this is controlling & abusive, if he doesn’t want to be with his family, whilst its very sad, you can’t make someone be there

as someone else said in my real world I act with a level of decorum & not petty tit for tat, abuse, or general low life jeremy kyle shit

yes he has been a dick but she has just had her second baby with him, they live together, are adults and should be able to act as such

My husband never behaved like this so maybe I am just lucky I found a decent man, they appear in short supply

grumpygrape · 26/04/2026 13:35

ElatedPinkSeal · 26/04/2026 13:20

Having said all that, printing out a boarding pass is quite low status in 2026, kind of in the same way paying in cash is

I've been called some things in my life but 'low status' is a first, not sure whether to be insulted or proud. 😊

MargoChanningsglass · 26/04/2026 13:33

This reply has been deleted

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Ya think?😅

Purplebunnie · 26/04/2026 13:32

MineThineYom · 26/04/2026 12:25

I think your best option is to cut your losses here OP.
I wouldn't bother reading him the riot act, I would smooth things over and act normal meanwhile I would write down everything that had happened and start building a divorce case. Don't do anything to tip him off, focus on organising things so that you can get rid of him fully and make sure there is no way back for him.
Don't communicate with his parents or if you do make it completely neutral, they will not support you at all they will be in his corner fully.

Best advice so far.

What is the old saying softly softly catchy monkey

Glad your sister is there to support you

thepariscrimefiles · 26/04/2026 13:27

Luckyingame · 26/04/2026 12:30

Stop having a go at @ElatedPinkSeal.
Opinion forum.
If you don't like the opinion, you don't need to get personal.
My father was out for three days after I was born.
Yes, it was 47 years ago, in another country, mother was quite privileged.
Guess what, everyone survived and as a father he taught me stuff and gave me great experience for life to cope with.

I hardly think the @ElatedPinkSeal is the victim here. They have just made stuff up to exonerate OP's DH and MIL who have behaved horribly towards a very vulnerable OP. Posters are just pointing that out. Plus, @ElatedPinkSeal has had a post deleted so obviously said something bad enough to be reported and for Mumsnet to agree that it broke posting guidelines.

Luckyingame · 26/04/2026 13:27

Catpuss66 · 26/04/2026 13:07

Yes your dad gave you lesson on how to be a real dick, but probably your mother never forgave him. She probably would have left if the stigma & financial means of certain cultures allowed. Having been a midwife who saw this happen to women over & over again women never forget at their most vulnerable time they were abandoned by their husbands. You have taken the arrogance of your father. You should be so ashamed.

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You what?
My Mother was a Division Director of a Border Control Office in former Communist Czechoslovakia. She wouldn't have needed my Father, anyway, as she was in a very privileged position.
My Father was military.
You, however, have no place to tell me to be "ashamed".
OP's husband had a night out, as his Mother said, I believe.

TanquerayTickles · 26/04/2026 13:26

Hide his passport, then leave him with his parents. That way, you only have 2 children to look after instead of 3.

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · 26/04/2026 13:26

Catpuss66 · 26/04/2026 13:23

Yes act like you are on Jeremy Kyle show treated like you are in a Jeremy Kyle show.

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What's that going to achieve, though?
I wouldn't be stooping to their level and inviting yet more drama and bun flinging from everybody else into the mix.

Butterme · 26/04/2026 13:26

This reply has been deleted

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Auroraloves · 26/04/2026 13:24

ElatedPinkSeal · 26/04/2026 12:05

calm down! I’m just speaking from my experience. Nothing wrong with that age gap! Didn’t read the full thread originally and yes it does sound a lot worse now and uacceptable. I thought he had simply gone on a night out - the stuff about coming back in that state and the trip away is clearly unacceptable

Edited
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So why post such shit if you don’t have a full understanding of the situation I.e not reading the full thread

Catpuss66 · 26/04/2026 13:23

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · 26/04/2026 13:21

God it's getting like the Jeremy Kyle show in here now

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Yes act like you are on Jeremy Kyle show treated like you are in a Jeremy Kyle show.

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · 26/04/2026 13:21

Catpuss66 · 26/04/2026 13:20

Put the video on FB say his mom thinks this is ok, on your first day home with a newborn. Out them both. Shame them both. Badly behaved people don’t like being called out in public.

God it's getting like the Jeremy Kyle show in here now

Passingthrough123 · 26/04/2026 13:20

Sensiblesal · 26/04/2026 13:15

Normal people do not do this or any of the other batshit suggestions in the thread. Such as get MIL to come look after the baby today cos he had a night out.

honestly some of you people do not live in the real world

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So in your real world you wouldn't mind your DH going out the same day you brought your newborn home and leaving you to deal with them and a toddler, then coming home around 20 hours later at breakfast time so drunk he vomited all over the house?

I think I'd rather live in my real world with standards and boundaries.

Catpuss66 · 26/04/2026 13:20

Put the video on FB say his mom thinks this is ok, on your first day home with a newborn. Out them both. Shame them both. Badly behaved people don’t like being called out in public.

ElatedPinkSeal · 26/04/2026 13:20

Having said all that, printing out a boarding pass is quite low status in 2026, kind of in the same way paying in cash is