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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious with DH for this?

888 replies

Coffeecherrymama · 25/04/2026 22:05

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

OP posts:
SpaceRaccoon · 26/04/2026 16:15

Luckyingame · 26/04/2026 12:30

Stop having a go at @ElatedPinkSeal.
Opinion forum.
If you don't like the opinion, you don't need to get personal.
My father was out for three days after I was born.
Yes, it was 47 years ago, in another country, mother was quite privileged.
Guess what, everyone survived and as a father he taught me stuff and gave me great experience for life to cope with.

Opinion forum - if the opinion is that TrollyMcTrollSeal is a cunt then that's quite fair enough.

ForeverTheOptomist · 26/04/2026 16:06

Efacsen · 26/04/2026 15:52

He was reportedly 'comatose' at 9.30am- that's more than 6 hours ago and if he is still in the same state maybe consider phoning an ambulance?

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... especially if he's still lying in his own vomit. How on earth are you managing to step around him and keep the toddler away from him, and indeed the vomit? The smell must be overwhelming.

Lotrgot · 26/04/2026 16:05

somanychristmaslights · 25/04/2026 23:46

Create your own post, don’t jump on this one.

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Sorry thought I had!!! see I'm not used to posting, just reading others, no need to be quite so direct tho.

Flamingojune · 26/04/2026 16:02

I would be so ashamed if he was my son

CharlieEffie · 26/04/2026 16:00

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · 26/04/2026 15:24

Yeah, it's always the mum's fault! 🙄
Sometimes adult kids can be dickheads, but hey blame the mum.

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Yup i will because her response to her manchild leaving his wife at home alone all night with a 3 year old and a newborn and coming home at 9am in the morning and being so drunk he cant stand is "looks like he had a good night" yeah you can see where the entitled twatish behaviour comes from

MrsLavs · 26/04/2026 15:58

In a former relationship in my early twenties my ex-BF did awful things like this to me (no DC with him thank goodness!) but booking surprise trips, going off for days unexpectedly without telling me, disappearing for hours on end. When we split he admitted he did these things to drive me away as he didn't know how to end the relationship. Completely inexcusable but I suspect your DH is using similar tactics. My advice would be to put yourself and those children first, now. It will more than likely only become more painful.

JayJayj · 26/04/2026 15:53

You can’t stay with him after this.

His actions are telling you, he doesn’t give a shit. And mother who condones the actions!!! Clearly she thinks the sun shines out of his arse.

Please do not stay with this boy. Your life will only get worse. I can only imagine how scary it will be to do, but you are worth more.

Efacsen · 26/04/2026 15:52

SunnyRedSnail · 26/04/2026 15:45

On the basis she has only just found it and he is likely still comatose from alcohol, it is unlikely she has been able to ask him yet!

@Coffeecherrymama did his dad pick him up!?

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He was reportedly 'comatose' at 9.30am- that's more than 6 hours ago and if he is still in the same state maybe consider phoning an ambulance?

peachesarenom · 26/04/2026 15:47

I'm so sorry OP! I think you need space and support. Don't let him ruin this time in your life x

SunnyRedSnail · 26/04/2026 15:45

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 26/04/2026 15:34

Yeah, and what’s he said about it…?

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On the basis she has only just found it and he is likely still comatose from alcohol, it is unlikely she has been able to ask him yet!

@Coffeecherrymama did his dad pick him up!?

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 26/04/2026 15:36

BrentfordForever · 26/04/2026 15:34

This is someone who’s apparently trying to keep it secret … so printing the actual booking confirmation so he doesn’t stress at the airport wouldn’t be his priority , would it ?

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Because everything else he's done has been so clever?

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 26/04/2026 15:34

Coffeecherrymama · 26/04/2026 15:07

No. I had no idea about it

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Yeah, and what’s he said about it…?

BrentfordForever · 26/04/2026 15:34

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 26/04/2026 14:56

In fairness, I'm in my 30s and I usually do print copies out of most tickets to anything, because I have anxiety that I won't be able to pull up the e-tickets when I need them. Manage it by creating myself a physical back up.

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This is someone who’s apparently trying to keep it secret … so printing the actual booking confirmation so he doesn’t stress at the airport wouldn’t be his priority , would it ?

moderate · 26/04/2026 15:31

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · 26/04/2026 15:24

Yeah, it's always the mum's fault! 🙄
Sometimes adult kids can be dickheads, but hey blame the mum.

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Nobody except your own straw man made any claims about “always”. You didn’t read the thread about this specific mother, did you?

nam3c4ang3 · 26/04/2026 15:27

Time to leave Op.

BrentfordForever · 26/04/2026 15:27

ThatBlackCat · 26/04/2026 14:51

Yes, they do, for elderly people who don't have phones.

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Ofc!

and how is this related ? 😂

Hangerbout · 26/04/2026 15:25

I’m wondering whether thr husband has the wrong idea about what paternity leave is for? OP how many weeks does he have off work?

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · 26/04/2026 15:25

Although to be fair in this case the mum does sound just as bad.... 😁

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · 26/04/2026 15:24

CharlieEffie · 26/04/2026 14:48

Always with the enabling mothers!!! She obviously didnt raise him right! Y@ou are entitled to support from your selfish twat of a husband!!

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Yeah, it's always the mum's fault! 🙄
Sometimes adult kids can be dickheads, but hey blame the mum.

tachetastic · 26/04/2026 15:19

I was hugely supportive of OP when this thread started, but it is beginning to feel a little bit like jumping the shark.

Coming home pissed at 3am I can see, but by 9am are most people not into the passed out or hungover stages? I also agree that a 25 year old printing boarding passes for a flight to Ibiza is hard to believe.

If this is true then agree with comments that OP should just let him go and then use the time while he is out of the house to either put his stuff in a skip (or at his useless mum’s) and change the locks, or else find alternative accommodation for herself and her DCs.

Polkadotpompom · 26/04/2026 15:18

OP I'm so mad for you! Have just seen the thread and read all your comments.

Let him go to Ibiza and while he's there file for divorce.

He's clearly not ready to be a decent husband and father. Cut him loose.

And don't rely on his parents going forwards for back up as they've clearly created and encouraged this fucking man child. 😡

Ladynightcourt · 26/04/2026 15:16

Coffeecherrymama · 26/04/2026 15:07

No. I had no idea about it

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At this point you remove his passport and play dumb when he goes looking for it and don’t tell him you know about Ibiza.

johntorodesfatcheeks · 26/04/2026 15:12

Coffeecherrymama · 26/04/2026 09:31

I have sent a video to his mum and her response was “looks like he had a good night out then”!!!! I’m absolutely raging! He’s still lay on the floor because he’s so drunk!! I’m having to try and clean all his sick up out of the carpet but just feel like I want to cry

His mother sounds like an enabling excuse making arsehole. So many awful piece of shit men have mothers like this. These man have normally been brought up in plain sight of their mothers being kept in line and treated like second class citizens who will also go on to expect their future DIL or son’s female partners to have set the bar so low it’s akin to fucking potholing
let her take care of her little baby boy. Fuckers.

Spiderx · 26/04/2026 15:12

Coffeecherrymama · 25/04/2026 22:05

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

Yanbu...as a man myself I am scratching my head as to why husband would rather be with his boozy mates rather than the tiny miracle that has just been brought into this world
I don't get it at all !

LellyLov2 · 26/04/2026 15:08

Wow what an awful man and to not even tell you it seems like his mum may be an enabler aswell put your foot down now or it will only get worse also take his passport or seriously consider kicking him to the curb hope your okay this must be awful for you