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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious with DH for this?

888 replies

Coffeecherrymama · 25/04/2026 22:05

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

OP posts:
ForeverTheOptomist · 26/04/2026 19:01

jdb9803 · 26/04/2026 18:44

2nd time you have posted this on this thread - what is wrong with you!

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Wrong? A little bit stressed perhaps?

jjW29 · 26/04/2026 19:01

Coffeecherrymama · 25/04/2026 22:15

Because I called her assuming she would be appalled at his behaviour and get him to come back home

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Speaking from experience you will never have MIL on your side as he’s her son and can do no wrong in her eyes.Even if she says it’s bad behaviour and that he should come home,she won’t do anything about it.

Doubledenim305 · 26/04/2026 18:51

ilikemethewayiam · 26/04/2026 17:51

I’m sorry, OP, but he’s quite clearly telling you he wants out of the relationship. Do him a favour and oblige him with a divorce. There is absolutely no coming back from this.

Oh, and tell his mother to f*ck off!

Yes he is telling you / screaming at you. I don't want to be married with kids. I don't want a baby. I don't want this life.
He needs to be gone from your life.

nopeandnopeandnope · 26/04/2026 18:50

RoseBlueuet · 26/04/2026 18:45

Posters saying things like lose/damage the passport and change the locks are not helpful suggestions. In fact both scenarios will just cause unnecessary drama and cost money. Neither are legal either.

I suspect this man-child has been playing at being a grown up and OP, in her love and commitment to their vows, has chosen not to see who he really is.

A man, even if he is 25, that loves, cares and values his partner, doesn't leave her 1 day post partum - with a toddler too - to go on the piss for 20 hours. He most certainly doesn't plan a secret trip to Ibiza on top of that.

Dear OP, this is contempt. It is actually wicked behaviour. It is inexcusable, it is calculated, and imo, unforgivable.

I would most certainly file for divorce in your shoes.

This 👆Stick to the right side of the law!

Ljzjta · 26/04/2026 18:48

I hope you have kept hold of his passport, and change the locks. What a selfish prick. You are better off without him.

RoseBlueuet · 26/04/2026 18:45

Posters saying things like lose/damage the passport and change the locks are not helpful suggestions. In fact both scenarios will just cause unnecessary drama and cost money. Neither are legal either.

I suspect this man-child has been playing at being a grown up and OP, in her love and commitment to their vows, has chosen not to see who he really is.

A man, even if he is 25, that loves, cares and values his partner, doesn't leave her 1 day post partum - with a toddler too - to go on the piss for 20 hours. He most certainly doesn't plan a secret trip to Ibiza on top of that.

Dear OP, this is contempt. It is actually wicked behaviour. It is inexcusable, it is calculated, and imo, unforgivable.

I would most certainly file for divorce in your shoes.

Skyelils · 26/04/2026 18:44

What a horrible man get rid

jdb9803 · 26/04/2026 18:44

Lotrgot · 26/04/2026 14:19

DP going to vote Reform. We have never agreed on politics, but this is just shit. I don't know how I feel about him tbh. Im voting Green. I have said please dont tell anyone, i would be mortified! Don't really know what I'm asking here. Just wanted to get it off my chest and see what others think.

2nd time you have posted this on this thread - what is wrong with you!

bumptybum · 26/04/2026 18:37

I just don’t understand some people. His mum sounds shit too.

catlover123456789 · 26/04/2026 18:36

Good for him for winning the prick of the week award on mumsnet.
He got in at 9am, where the hell had he been?

Apparently my dad had a nervous breakdown around the time my younger sibling was born... maybe the pressure got to your dh. Not an excuse, but maybe a reason?

Tbh I'd dump him but it's not that easy when you just had a baby. If he does this again, lock the door and send him his mother's way. She can clean up his stinking vomit.

Nevermind31 · 26/04/2026 18:36

Stop involving his mum - you are treating him like a child.
once he has sobered up - I would ask for an explanation and then suggest a separation. Tell him when he will have the three year old, and that he can come and visit the baby any time.
this would be the end of the road for me - he isn’t mature enough for two kids

Buzyizzy217 · 26/04/2026 18:32

Absolutely NOT being unreasonable. 💯! I’d be totally livid and upset too!

LLM21 · 26/04/2026 18:32

This makes me mad for you! If it was you that had wanted to go out straight after a new baby , you would be the world's worst but he is 'entitled'!

MMUmum · 26/04/2026 18:31

Teacupover5 · 25/04/2026 22:29

Chill out -I was glad my DH was out and I got my lovely baby to myself

Eh? Are you for real ?

BeeDavis · 26/04/2026 18:27

I’m absolutely lost for fucking words. What have I just read 🥵 There is no way you can stay with this loser, please. Let his mother have him back.

whydidyoudoitfin · 26/04/2026 18:23

I'm convinced the 4% that voted YABU are MIL and her sock accounts lol.

whydidyoudoitfin · 26/04/2026 18:22

Justthisandthat · 25/04/2026 22:23

He should be celebrating the baby with you at home.

This is unforgivable in my eyes.

How old are the pair of you? I’m expecting teens.

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Unforgivable is a bit much but you need to have serious words with him. I'm sorry OP you must be feeling so emotional and drained after this. What a fucking wanker!

Doubledenim305 · 26/04/2026 18:18

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 25/04/2026 22:08

No yanbu at all. Is this your first child? If it is I think this is probably him showing you what kind of parent he's going to be. An uninterested and absent one.

First post nails it again.
U need to stand up to this lazy bully or u are in for one hell of a ride.
Get an escape plan sorted.
So sorry and congrats on new baby. X

noodlebugz · 26/04/2026 18:18

‘loose’ his passport so he can’t go to ibiza. FFS i hope you take him to the cleaners in the pending divorce as you’re the only one responsible enough to take care of the children. Best of luck lovely - I really hope things improve and you have good support from friends and your side of the family x

Flamingojune · 26/04/2026 18:15

Sounds like he was way too young to start a family. What an idiot

Cazz1953 · 26/04/2026 18:15

Thats shocking behaviour, he sounds too immature to be a father. Definitely not ok.

Beastieboys · 26/04/2026 18:14

Lock the doors and go to bed if you can ......let his mother deal with him !

BrentfordForever · 26/04/2026 18:09

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 26/04/2026 15:36

Because everything else he's done has been so clever?

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No, cause similarly to paper tickets, he doesn’t exist 😎

Popcorn42 · 26/04/2026 18:03

I could have wrote this, believe me it only gets worse ppl like him dont change, no thoughts for the ppl they supposedly love. One word if Advice i wish someone had given me, always go by actions, words are cheap, actions will always tell you how someone feels about you!

Eeyore85 · 26/04/2026 17:58

I feel so sorry for you this is awful behaviour. I am glad he is out of the house.
You need love and support ❤️
Sending my love

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