AIBU to refuse a council house over stairs and no outside space?

Find out what the rules are for turning down a property? Where I am you get 3 offers.

I'd seriously consider a commode somewhere upstairs for at night. I grew up with grandparents that had a downstairs outside toilet in their council house and there was a potty/chamber pot under the bed - so id not see this as a particular problem

She is on the pathway for ASD. That doesn't automatically make the house unsuitable. Suggestions have been made for using the toilet at night - which won't last forever, so short term. There is minimal outside space and the bathroom is downstairs which isn't ideal when DC are small, but will be fine in a few years when she either doesn't need the toilet in the night or is perfectly capable of going down to the bathroom on her own. If it was simply a case of its unsuitable due to a disability, OP wouldn't be posting on here, she would have just refused it.

It would probably help if they refrained from bidding on properties they don’t actually want as well!

When I was working, in housing, much of my job was about managing expectations. Many people had very unrealistic ideas of what they could bid for, how many properties became available and there was a belief that although they had never seen a suitable property in the area they wanted, somehow one would become available just because they were bidding.
I'm not unsympathetic, I've never been unsympathetic, but often the housing stock is so small with few vacancies, and people really need to think hard about what they will reasonably be offered.

She’s six, more than capable of waking you up if she needs the loo. Or buy a commode if going downstairs really is that much of a problem

You will be taken off that band. That’s what used to happen in my area. If you are a priority they would not expect property offers to be declined.
You would be expected to make it work if you are genuinely desperate.
From what you’ve written your daughter doesn’t have an actual diagnosis of ASD. So this would not make any difference.
If your daughter is sleep walking to that extent she is clearly a risk to herself, so what have you put in place in your current property to safeguard her? It’s not just toileting that’s a risk - I would imagine there are many, many risks whatever property she is living in.
The requirement to go outside to regulate herself will not be a reason to decline a property. As a parent you would be (and rightly so) expected to find alternative ways to support her with regulation.
You're extremely fortunate to have been offered a council property and people in desperate need wait years and years for one. The likelihood of being offered a property that is perfect is unlikely.
To be honest you’re probably better off renting privately, or staying where you are.

Honestly I think you need to pull yourself together. You bid for it - you’re lucky to get it. Why bid for it in the first place?

many people would be very grateful to get council housing.

Stairgate her room? If you are so concerned about her sleepwalking then any stairs are a bad idea regardless of where the bathroom is?

We have a downstairs bathroom. Not ideal but I would take my daughter down in the middle of the night because she didnt like the shadows next door's security light made. We survived until she outgrew it.

Why bid on the house in the first place?

Sorry 47th!

I work in council housing, firstly it depends what band you have been placed in as to what my advice would be. If you are in the top 2 bands in our council then you’re priority need and if you turn down a property you are offered without medical evidence as to why it would not be suitable (which I’m guessing you haven’t as this should be checked before you are even offered it to ensure it is suitable) then they would deem it a suitable offer you are declining and your banding would be removed. If you are in lower than the top 2 the you are allowed 3 refusals before your account is suspended.
i would also consider how long it would take for you to be offered another property if you were 97th on the list for this one, that’s very rare to get that far down a list (or is for our council), what’s your positioning like on the other properties you’ve bid on since your banding was raised?

I have a downstairs toilet only and had 2 from birth here and one slept walked. Stair gate is the answer.

They don't take autism or ADHD into account as a medical need. Trust me I know I waited 8 years to be housed with 2 with autism ADHD and epilepsy. Only physical disabilities gets them moved up a band. What got me moved eventually was the house was unsafe for the children and the central heating that had been put in before we moved wasn't efficient. I had family at our house one year for NYE, They don't often feel the cold live in a drafty Victorian house. Even they said the house was freezing. They got us some plug in electric fires made to look like a log burning stove. Plugged it in one day and the socket set on fire. That socket was left nearly a month. Because the landlord was waiting for his mate to do it instead of getting an electrician through the letting agent.

Has anyone snottily reminded you that it's your own fault you are a poor and have to live in social housing and you MUST take the nearest cardboard box, as 'we' pay your rent yet?
God forbid you have something appropriate

Stairgate as so many others said.

Stop with the excuses and leave a home with no stairs to a person who is disabled and can’t manage stairs at all. YABVU

Why do you want a housr rather than your flat? The flat sounds ideal with the outside space and no stairs.. I am not sure why you are wanting to move in the first place?sorry just reread thw thread, current flat is not liveable.
Take the house as others have said and then go from there. You will find a way to manage. Plus you dont have to have bedrooms upstairs, you could have a bedroom downstairs and living room upstairs depending on how the layout is.

That’s not what op said - she said DD sits outside when she’s had a meltdown, not during one. And fresh air can be important to self regulating. Frankly if her DD has special needs OP shouldn’t be giving a flying one what her neighbours think !!

Definitely do not consider locking her in her room as someone suggested. So so dangerous. Guess a stair gate. If you’re concerned that she may get over it as she’s 6 get one that is used for dogs. We had one and it looked like a normal stair gate but was twice the height.

I had a sleepwalker and she would go downstairs make herself a drink, or just wander downstairs with what appears no reason and then walk straight back upstairs 🤦🏻‍♀️ it was worrying at first but her epilepsy nurse said that actually it’s very unusual for someone sleepwalking not to be able to use stairs etc (doesn’t mean the risks are eliminated) they can do a lot of their usually daily things they would do if they were awake. Now how true that is I would like to say but in our case it was absolutely the case. Was super surreal and strange though. And our bathroom was upstairs. We did have stair gates but she just opened them and the closed the behind her. She did eventually grow out of it.

personally I would accept it, for me that reason wouldn’t stop me accepting it I would just try and make it work and put things in place to make it a little safer even if it’s to put your mind at ease. There are a lot of old council properties with downstairs bathrooms as this was how they were made back when they were built. Without speaking to the council direct about what happens if you refuse an offer you won’t really know your options. At our council you can not refuse as you are seen as choosing to remain in inadequate housing

Take the house, try it, if it doesnt work mutual exchange in a year or so

You're within your rights to turn it down for any reason you want to, but just be aware of the possible consequences. It's completely up to your to do your own risk assessment when it comes to the state of your current flat vs your concerns over this new one.

Yes, yabvvvu. 3 years on the housing list is nothing. An upstairs bathroom wouldn’t stop her falling down the stairs another time. I have a double rail, gate, thick carpet. My children do fall down the stairs on occasion due to balance and coordination issues.

Take the house and then try to do a swap. That’s probably better than rejecting.

Which is exactly why op should take this house...her flat is unsuitable and has been deemed so, so she needs to move

An upstairs toilet is not essential since neither she nor her daughter cannot navigate stairs.

Also, outdoor space is not essential.

Op needs to put her level head on and accept that it is extremely rare to find a property with no compromises, so make the best of it to move out of unsuitable flat