AIBU or is this not 100% my fault? *Warning - involves sex and a bit graphic /gross*

His "it was only for a second" pisses me off. Obviously that's all it takes. Many unfortunate things can happen in just a second.

This is not a good man.

Reminds me of the time ex wanted to try anal, and I was young and curious and said OK - then he complained that there was poo on his penis - well, yes, that's where poo lives..

Apparently there's preparation you can do to prevent that - but he knew I'd never tried anal before, knew I'd not done any of that prep, so I don't know what he was expecting really.

Anyway. Of course you're not being unreasonable. If someone shoves something in your mouth all the way to the back you're going to throw up. That's how bodies work.

It was 'fucking disgusting' that he pushed your head down. The fact that you then found yourself grovelling for a cuddle from him is so depressing – that surely cannot be the kind of dynamic you want for yourself in a relationship.

If you stay with him this sets a benchmark for behaviour you will tolerate from him, and for behaviour he is happy to dole out to you.

Leave him, leave him, leave him. Can't say it emphatically enough. Fundamentally, this bloke doesn't care about you. This is the time to really show yourself the love and care you deserve, and end this relationship.

Dump

He caused you to vomit. Don’t feel bad.

Thankfully you are not just wrong in fact, but also in law. It is assault. The reason for recent posts could well be that the men involved have been watching porn. Quickly progressing to gagging is common in porn movies. In those circumstances, specific consent to gagging is obtained in advance, or the recipients are being coerced and abused which is a criminal matter. There is so much material on consent discussed these days it is difficult to imagine anyone with normal social intelligence is this unaware.

do you know you could die and choke on your own vomit or gag reflex or unable to breathe?? run away now, perhaps give a complaint to the police

I think he is gaslighting you here he caused you to throw up and if he had any care for you he wouldn't behave like this. Please don't think it's your fault and it's a massive red flag he is blaming you. Drink added to the mix is not good particularly since you were feeling emotionally vulnerable. Please know your worth you deserve so much better.

You should have bitten him that worked o my first boyfriend. Dickhead

Urgh there's no coming back from this. How on earth did you do something wrong - he assaulted you causing you to throw up.

Yea OP bloody hell, hes a complete slimy tosser. First I wouldn't want sex with someone blind drunk recovering from stressful news (doesn't feel like he prioritised you there at all), and second, pushing your head so much you puked? Hes effing disgusting.

The only good thing that happened that night is that he got puked on as I've never heard of anyone deserving it more.

He is gross .

I thought the post was you asking if he was in the wrong for pushing your head and you were angry at him , but for him to treat you like that is awful. I find men like to do that and actually get turned on a bit at the gagging - I think it makes them feel ‘big’ .

Sex can get messy, and embarrassing , sometimes . But in a healthy relationship there is no shame or embarrassment. The way he has treated you is a red flag , he’s made you feel dirty for something intimate between you two . Personally I would lose all trust in him at this point .

What is it with all these men pushing women’s heads on to their dicks? Is this a porn thing? Never happened to me and if it did I’d have called a stop to the whole thing and probably punched them in the balls.

What do you mean this is not 100% your fault? It’s 0% your fault. Dump him. What a fucking cheek to blame you. 🚩🚩🚩🚩

Jesus Christ. You need to raise your standards.

Stop apologising. 💯
His shitty actions had a consequence (vomiting on him). 🤮
He FAFO didn't he?

The question you should be asking yourself is.... do you want to stay with a man who thinks its acceptable to shove your head down.
My honest answer? LTB and his Vomit covered willy pronto 👋
@CoffeeDate22

I’m so sorry that you’ve had to make this thread and ask if any of this was your fault. He needs to get in the bin. The only reasonable response from him is to be absolutely mortified and apologetic that he’s done something that has made you sick and uncomfortable (whether by mistake or on purpose)

Please dump him OP. This is not a nice man.

Genuinely shocked at the poster who thinks men "getting carried away during sex" is consent to whatever happens after the "carried away". Someone did a number on you.

You could try shoving a cucumber down his throat and tell him he's disgusting when he vomits afterwards. Or, just break up with the abusive twat.

Leave him.

I hope that this thread is helping you understand that you need to leave this man Op

Wtf?

"He got carried away"? Did you lost on the way to the dark, women-hating bits of the internet?

Everyone has a gag reflex. He triggered yours, doing something deliberate, that he hadn't agreed with you or even warned you about. I agree with PP, you have absolutely nothing to apologise for, this is completely on him

It's worrying that he pushed your head down hard enough for this to happen

It's really worrying that his initial reaction wasn't 'oh shit I'm so sorry I didn't mean to push you that hard, are you OK' but instead to blame you and shame you for a completely normal human reaction.

He may as well have cut you then called you disgusting for getting blood on him. That's how fucked up this is.

Well done for recognising that something isn't right here

He deserves everything he got, and more.