Worried about life just passing me by

Me! I hear you - I’m in my 50’s no friends 3 children all with send, husband that works away alot
no family either
i just feel like what’s the point of life as I can’t enjoy it… don’t ever get a day off no break nothing 🤯
I always think life seems to happen to other people and here is me
I don’t think social media helps though tbh and I have to step away from it a lot

You are not alone in feeling this way. I watched an interview with Michelle Obama recently and she said something about this that stick with me. Hopefully it’s helpful to you as well:

Yes and I am 51 in a job I hate , can’t afford nice holidays (and like you that’s the only time I actually do feel happy) , small house , 11 yr old DD with school fees and mortgage for another 15 years . No time or money for any social life. Feel totally financially trapped and unhappy. Life is definitely passing me by. Most of my friends don’t have kids and are living their best lives.

People often only learn to be content in life when something goes wrong.
A bereavement, illness or some other serious upset can often make you really appreciate the days where nothing happened.

Those days when you get up, mow the lawn, take the kids to the park, cook dinner, watch a film together. Those are the good times that whizzed by whilst you were thinking of the next thing.

Could you try building in a bit of buzz? Once a month something that will make your heart race? Then try to drop one thing a day that makes your heart sink. Sod dusting the living room - go for a walk. The dust doesn't matter.

This is a really good poem. https://gladdestthing.com/poems/the-orange

I'm 48 and have decided to suck it up.

There's nothing I ever wanted to achieve. No job I hoped to do. I have no special skills or talents.

So I crack on with the dishwasher and laundry. I do walk the dogs in the woods and enjoy the spring air and all of the 'look for the wonder in the small things' stuff and I exercise constantly and eat well and enjoy looking after body and mind.

But now my children are about to leave home I am basically empty of motivation!

Even holidays have lost their lustre since I now have reflux and can't enjoy eating out at night.

I saw a poem the other day that was about how life is so short and how 'I'll never be a poet in Berlin or a flower grower in Amsterdam'. And I thought, god how exhausting to have all that wander lust. It makes me tired thinking about it 😂

No I don't, I do think it's definitely mindset. I'm also 40 and have just watched three people die we love, one after the other, in a short space of time. It's really given me the perspective to appreciate what I do have and the people in my life and make the most of it. My mum died at 65, which is only 25 years away, so I don't want to waste a minute hoping for more, as who knows when it will all be over.

I can't be bothered to work really but I've reframed it in my mind that without it, I'd not be able to live the life I do and have the house we do. Even things like running my son back and forward to his sport and games, it's exhausting but how much we chat and bond is worth it. I hope one day when I'm no longer here, he will appreciate that time we had together.

The last three years were pretty crap for us, this year I've filled it with fun things I wanted to do - going to see a comedian I love, festival, holidays and concerts.

Realistically you're never going to do all the fun things in the world, but you could sit and write a bucket list of the things you really want to do and do one as often as you have the time and finances.

Outsource the tedious things if you have the finances, get a cleaner if you can. Make sure others in the house are pulling their weight if they are old enough. If your children are only young then you will have more freedom as they are older. I've now got two teens and an adult who are all more independant and it's given us more time and freedom too.

Edited for using the wrong your.

Yes but that travelling around the world can only happen for her because other people are doing boring things like cleaning the planes she will fly on, cooking in the kitchens of the restaurants she will eat in, running the stalls in the “fabulous local markets” that she’ll inevitably find.

What Im trying to say is there’s boredom everywhere but there can be wonder everywhere too if you look for it.Change your routine, go see a play you’ve never read the reviews for, take a city break in the UK to a place you’ve never been before etc.

On holidays I always tell myself “today Im going to see something Ive never seen before” because it’s true - I will. There’s no reason that cant be the same at home.

I get bored easily, always have done so have spent a life trying things. Lots of dangerous things when I was young, like peering over the edge of a mountain and jumping off cliffs in to the sea. As I age and my health has let me down plus if I break a bone now it could be a lot worse, so no more riding motorbikes and playing hockey.

We run out of firsts as we age, that’s what I feel so now my firsts are gentler. I have tried many types of dance classes and art classes for instance.

Life is unfortunately too much emptying the dishwasher. I remain positive when doing that dull chore and listen to music. It is a bit of a mindset but repetition is generally dull. I am also lucky enough to be surrounded by good company and that makes a huge difference.

I was 40 last year and have started to feel the same. I got promotion last week - a job I have wanted for 10 years but feel weirdly flat about it. I met a woman last night who is taking her children out of school for a year to go and travel the world and I felt so jealous. My kids are lovely and my husband and I get on OK and I enjoy my job (which is also incredibly rewarding) but am just a bit meh. Midlife crisis?!

What are the amazing things that you aren’t doing?

In the main this is a mindset thing.