Worried about life just passing me by

I do think that those who get to live those exciting new experiences through their kids/teenagers/young adults maybe don't know how good they have it. I try and do exciting new things in my middle age but it's not nearly as good as being young. I'd love to have a young person to live vicariously through!

OP, are there new personal challenges you could look to do? Races, multi day treks, creative projects? Also, if dropping a day at work isn't possible would reducing to a nine day fortnight be?

I was in my late 40s when I found a lump in my breast. No family history of cancer, no smoking/low alcohol/active/normal BMI, low chemicals in the house/toiletries & I haven’t eaten meat & dairy for years. Today I’m in bed & unable to get up after chemo a few days ago. My cancer is thankfully stage 1, even so I’ve had 6 months of chemo & still have surgery, radiotherapy & 6 months of immunotherapy to go, so at least another year of treatment.
You have your health, you have money, you have choices. I would do anything to have my pre-cancer days back & life without worry & physical restrictions. I dream of the day when I can go on holiday & feel the sun on my skin again. You have plenty of opportunities now, please make the most of them. I miss doing ALL the things with my family you currently consider as mundane. Please try & appreciate the little things in life too as life has a way of suddenly turning upside without warning.

Et vous @CholesterolHelp?

@CholesterolHelpany and all of it. My favourite artists are William Orpen (war artist) and John Lavery. Holidays are planned around art exhibitions. Like early modern art too.

Also try Spiral (Engrenages) - french cop show

I agree with previous posters. Part of what helps is finding joy in the small things. The things that I always thought of as old people things - the changing of the seasons, the birds coming out, a bit of sun, taking the kids to a new park with a picnic. It slows the passage of time and the monotony.

But part of it for me is definitely breaking up the ordinary too. I never stop learning. I start a new hobby when I'm bored and do it until I get good/bored. I join a new club or fitness class. I take a day's annual leave and go to a theme park. I stayed after a work trip in India for a week without the kids and went travelling by myself a couple of years ago. It's no longer things that are dangerous in the same way (although I still love a hike or rock climbing) but it's enough to get my body thinking it's novel and fun.

To do that, though, at our age you need the energy. Make sure (if you can) that you sleep as much as you need, get enough water and exercise and get your bloods done/consider depression if they're relevant. Feeling healthier rather than older over the last 3 years (I finally lost the baby weight 😂) has made a huge difference to the 'slow decline' feeling for me

Just to add - like pretty much everyone in life i've had hard times with bereavement, parent with rare illness etc

But i also truly believe that what we apply our minds to is what shapes our reality

Ooh nice tip @Tichter thanks!

I will check that out. I haven't started French yet, i'm thinking it'll be an autumn project

I am currently in a modernist literature reading group & that's running until July so am plenty occupied with that just now

I, too, love allowing myself to fall down deep rabbit holes!

What art do you love?

Your perception of time changes as you age. The years literally pass faster. Look it up. It may explain the feelings you’re having.

Life literally is passing you by and you have maybe 30 good years left.

I’ve learned the opposite in my 40s - I live life slowly. I garden, do yoga, I took up mountain biking. I made a ten year travel plan so I get to go everywhere with the kids I want to.

Ive learned to count my blessings since i have friends who have suffered breast cancer and struggled with sickly children.

@CholesterolHelpif you're learning french try watching The Line (also known as Un Village Francis) on ITV X. Set in Occupied France on the demarcation zone with Vichy.

Are you me? Except I'm learning German - also mid-50s. One child heading to Uni year after next hopefully but I go down the rabbit hole of different historical periods and am mad into art.
I do get down over things and work isn't the greatest at the moment...

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are

I hadn’t heard that poem before but was exactly what I needed to hear this morning. Thank you @Poonu

I'm older than you op, i'm mid 50s

I have had a desire to see & experience as much of the world as possible since i was a teenager.

I am not into kayaking, mountain climbing, skydiving type of adventure and i am equally not into resorts / AI / evening entertainment type holidays

Nothing wrong with either, they just don't float my boat!

I am driven by history, art, literature. It is my work & my passion & i feel immensely lucky to have a vastly rich inner life.

I am always immersed in some aspect & that's the jumping off point for travel to research, see, experience whatever it is i'm obsessed with.

I read a huge amount & even as i'm fulfilling the more routine parts of life like washing up i find myself thinking about something i'm reading & i rarely feel bored

We're transforming our garden this year so that's v exciting as we've never had the oppportunity to do it till now

I'm planning to take a french class (last learned in school) to prep for a fantasy of living in Paris for a year once dc are finished in uni in about 3 years.

Its a mindset. I don't know how we'll achieve it but by taking a positive action it starts a chain reaction & my experience is opportunities then present themselves

My biggest goal is to keep my brain & mind active & to keep curiosity alive, keep learning.

@CoralOP that's what we have done, we have a Motorhome. We have a 2 week trip planned from 7 May. We then have two 6 weeks trips and then up to 12 weeks in January. We have retired which is why it’s possible. @Bananas85 you are right I was a bit of an adrenaline junkie, DH has done much more than me, he has a little scar on his chin from white water rafting and has been to over 150 countries, canoed down the Amazon and trekked through the jungle in Malaysia, camped in Africa, did the Trans Siberian railway.

Yesterday we went to a friends for lunch and learned a new card game, it was great fun and that’s more my firsts these days.

Awe and wonder are available everywhere if you look for them. Your 40s statistically is when you feel the lowest, it picks up again in your 50s. I read something yesterday that it’s being in the moment that makes something a good memory, not the thing you’re doing. You could be doing the most awesome thing in the world and if your mind is distracted it makes it hard for your brain to lay down the memory of what is happening to you as you aren’t focussed on it. You have to be able to focus for at least 15 seconds apparently.

There are so many interesting things to do in the UK, probably an hour or less from your home and I bet you haven’t done them all. It’s the bank holiday next weekend - why not challenge yourself to go and do something new without the unachievable condition it needs to be on the other side of the world? Something I’m really interested in is Neolithic sites and there’s loads all around us!

Totally agree I’ve always had a need for those y she your breath a way moments which I get from travelling seeing the Taj mahak and the hairs in my BF I standing up and a new born gorilla in te wild that’s what I live for

I deal with it by realising that it's just a normal human way to be, so doesn't mean I'm actually doing life wrong. And thinking about all the possible lives that I could have ended up living (Victorian scullery maid, Spartan Helot, etc) and realising this one is near the top of the list, whatever its shortcomings. And being so glad I live in a world with hot water, central heating and the astonishing array of food there is every time I step into my local supermarket. And also are there things I want to change that are realistic?

I could have written this myself I’ve had my first share of rough times cumulating in my ex dying and leaving me to bring up my son alone. I have a fab job lots of friends a happy child and a nice partner I go abroad several times a year. I’ve appreciated the mundane routine after a chaotic ten years with my alcoholic ex but now I’m just bored !!! My son is getting more independent and needs me less and I’m not looking forward to the next chapter of just me and my partner . He is nice and dependable but I can’t remember the last time we laughed . I feel at my most alive when travelling new cultures experiences I’d love to try living abroad but now we re out the Eu that’s harder. I’ve just messaged an old flame from nearly 25 years ago we met in Asia when i was a carefree backbacker and he was on holiday we carried on the romance for a yesr flying back and forth between European cities . A few years back he told ne it was one of his best holidays so I’ve messaged him as I’m going on a girls trip to where he lives. Life’s too short I need some excitement . Im not planning on cheating I just want a chance to remember the girl I was in my 20s “I’m just reading your life begins when you realise you only have one “ lots of good ideas in there

This is true, you just fall into a role of what others expect ,and you just do it....
Then after you do that you dont really know what it is that you want. I'm out of that now; I decided : Enough was enough when my EX.H started chasing the local tarts. I m living alone now and I sit and watch the dust settle in the room. I get up, and do what I want, when I want to. Maybe something is telling you, deep down, to re- evaluate after being taken too much for granted as a domestic slave. You WILL find yourself again but it takes effort. So make that effort walk through the wall of fire. To the other side of liberation.

I always make sure I have at least one thing per week just for me which I really look forward to: meeting a friend, going to the theatre etc That makes everything else so much better.

My youngest will be 18 in four years and I imagine me going abroad to volunteer, teach English, do a remote job I can travel with etc I have no idea if I will actually do it but I love the idea and I try to save up for it.

So small things every week and a big dream in a few years really gets me away from feeling trapped and also makes me appreciate what I have at the moment because I'll miss it when I go travelling.

I find I'm most happy when I'm on holiday
I am most happy when I am at home. Not working is a holiday for me. I do not feel I am missing out on anything but we are all different.

I used to feel this way (and often still do), however a series of particularly shit things have happened to me over the last 7 years or so, including my ex H leaving me, PTSD and developing an auto immune condition.

I look back on 40 and honestly, wish I'd been more appreciative of my health/fully able body.

This is perhaps not terribly helpful, apologies, my one tip woukd be for you to build more fulfilling things into your every day life if that's possible or a new hobby, the odd night away between holidays?

having to go to work all the time and being restricted to only 5 weeks holiday per year

Bless your cotton socks 😂

My suggestion is to make list of things that you want to do & start ticking them off as completed.
Start with some small things & build up to bigger things.
Short goals
Middle goals
Long goals

The key is to actually complete some of the things.

Some things you may fail, so either start again or pick something else to do.

Examples

Start a new hobby or job (Even if it 30 minutes per day)

Join a class or course

Book a weekend away

Raise money for charity

Grow something

Read or listen to music

Find 5 things each day to be grateful for

I interpreted her as saying "the bland moments are life" as if we should learn to be satisfied with a life made of this. She doesn't mention excitement or anything else. And I think that's a dangerous narrative, the whole thing about "enjoying the small moments" because it implies they are enough. And they not enough for lots of people!
Lots of people will feel dead inside even though they have a perfectly good bland life, as we can see in this thread. And then these people feel guilty and "wrong" because they "shouldn't" be unhappy. But a nice quiet life is not for everyone. It may sound indulgent, and it may be indulgent but we need what we need. Respecting our needs and wants is important and women don't learn that.