Girlfriend, Baby Mum & Dirty little secret….

Have you thought about doing a course to recognise the way some abusibe men work to get your trust and control such as the Freedom Project.

You may be more vulnerable to such men for all sorts of reasons.

He sounds like probably a fairly awful guy though I do have some sympathy for him keeping you a secret after you got back together, his mum clearly hates you and has already decided to destroy your life once so I can understand why he didn't want her to find out about the two of you.

You say you’re a sucker for love, but you have to recognise there is nothing loving about any of his treatment of you - domestic abuse is never ever something done by someone who loves you, and keeping your relationship a secret shows he doesn’t respect you at all.

Poor baby

@SShelby no you aren't being unreasonable to be very upset. There has been some naivety on your part and hopefully that won't happen again.

In practical terms, SS have let this go once. If you are reported again, a pattern starts to emerge. Please cut all ties and get yourself settled so your children can go to school. I would also advise that you don't put this person's name on the birth certificate.

Good luck.

Sounds like you need a fresh start. Can you move far away so that he and his family cannot contact you in the future?

He’s obviously not a good dad (he’s primarily selfish), so don’t let him or his family have access to your children until they’re adults and can make their own choices about whether to have contact.

I mean I can understand you being upset but would you really want the woman who reported you as being an abusive mum to know you had another child on the way. I would want to protect myself and my children from that. If you go back to someone who was arrested for domestic abuse, who was a coke user and who comes from a family, you were unfortunately naive to believe it would work out well.

The best thing you can do now for you and your children, is take it as a lesson learned and not let him back in your life as as the possible repercussions aren't worth it. You and they deserve better.

On average it takes women seven attempts to leave abusive relationships so the fact she's made that decision now is a credit to her. Don't be so quick to judge if you haven't lived her life.

The fact is she's made the decision to have two kids with a man who is a drug user and violent. That is what she has decided to do, not once, but twice.

It is. However, it's also honest.

If you want to do the best by your child, continuing a relationship with a man who has a drug habit and getting pregnant in these circumstances isn't exactly wise is it?

You know this though yourself.

I am struggling to understand what you want the responses on this thread to say.

Apart from ditch this loser and sort your own shit out and stop making stupid decisions, there's not a huge amount anyone can really say because that's the position you are in.

She hasn't learnt from her mistakes though. I don't champion people who bring innocent kids into a world of drug taking and violence. She chose that and she has to take responsibility for her shit poor decisions.

I disagree. If OP had wanted to put her kids welfare first, she wouldn't have gone and got pregnant again.

Rude. Did you miss the bit where social services have taken no further action or do you just like kicking people when they're down? She knows she hasn't made the best decisions and she's also explained why her spelling and grammar isn't the best.

Nasty tone of superiority and classism to these replies.

OP I don't think you have made amazing choices having 2 babies with this loser guy.

I don't want to be prejudiced against your background and heritage but gypsy/traveller communities don't have an amazing culture when it comes to supporting the rights, dignity, education and independence of women. This makes it possible that you don't have the support you need - it's unfair but means you might need to put in extra work now to pull it round, to make a good life for you and your kids.

Yes it is rubbish that he didn't tell anyone about you. Forget him, work however you can to get him to financially support his children. It's likely he has another relationship or family on the go if he won't go public with yours.

Make a long term plan for work so that you can support yourself and your children - it's the only way to be really free and secure.

I think some people are being a bit harsh. We all make mistakes and I'm sure you've now learnt not to have him back in your life again. He is the father and might want contact with his children so be prepared to have to have some contact with him. Don't fall for any niceness though and don't ever ever get back with him.
You've been in an abusive relationship and unfortunately it can also come from the wider family members such as his mum. It's probably a good thing that he hasn't told them about you because you don't want his mum interfering and getting social service involved again. Concentrate on your children for now and don't be a sucker for love.

You obviously don’t know the site very well.

Mn isn’t a place where people are going to congratulate you on making decisions that put children at risk. Why would you voluntarily have a second child with an alcoholic addict domestic abuser whose mother tried to have your child removed from your care, and whom you don’t trust enough to live with? And then get cross, not because of any of that, but because he didn’t tell his family he is back in a relationship with you, which is absolutely the least of your problems?

Well done for dumping him. Please don't get back with him or someone like him again. Your daughter and new baby need consistency and stability in their lives and mum's boyfriend dramas can upset this. I often see Freedom Programme recommended on here as a tool to help women understand their worth, their boundaries, making good choices.

Good luck!

It probably wasn't the best idea to get pregnant by this man again.

You're not unreasonable to he upset but you are unreasonable to have invited the drama back into your life and them be surprised that there's drama.

I don't really know what anyone can say. You chose this.

Why e we old you have him back? Just why?