name changed for this. Tw - sexual act? Sorry if this is crude I’ll try and keep it as normal as possible!!
I’ve been with my partner 2 years. I love him a lot, but we have had arguments in the past about him being quite selfish and expectant of me.
He’s also very loving and has been nothing but gentle with me during sex. I’ll try and keep this as non-crude as possible. Last mint we were messing around on the couch. It was jokingly and light hearted and I started to get near to giving him oral sex (kissing/licking), we were laughing and I was messing around, teasing I guess. He then pushed my head down onto it, and was laughing. I was shocked and couldn’t breathe properly and panicked and tried to lift my head but couldn’t, and then I tapped his leg and he let go.
i said “I didn’t like that”. He was immediately apologetic and said he didn’t like what he had done, and he meant it as a joke. He then got really quiet and I kept trying to reassure him it was ok. He then went out for a drink for an hour and left me.
we’ve never had “forceful” sex, it’s always just been normal, and gentle. We’ve talked before about how things like pulling hair, choking etc are (in our opinion) horrible and isn’t something we’d like to do
during that time I was thinking how weird it was. I remembered 2 other occasions during sex when I felt weirded out.
first time he kept trying to go down on me when I was really sick, I kept saying I didn’t want to but he did it anyway and then after threw my jeans at me after as a joke.
The other time, £10 fell out of his jeans after he’d finished and again he threw it at me and said “for your services”
Ive been sexually assaulted in the past so I don’t know if im reading too much into these events.
when he came home he again apologised and said he didn’t want to make things weird with us and said let’s go to bed. I said I didn’t want to have sex and he just went to sleep. I feel like I said no because he’d gone out and I wasn’t in the mood anymore rather than holding what he did against me. He was quiet and apologetic again and said sorry for ruining our evening and that he didn’t like what he’d done
this morning he’s quiet wirh me and I hate that I have to keep reassuring him
am I thinking too much into this? Should I just let it go? I don’t even know what I’m upset about