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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Age 9 daughter left out always

34 replies

Anotherbiscuit · 24/04/2026 21:45

9yr old has about 5 other girls in the class of whom appear to be in a clique.

Main mum organises lots of activities and mine is never invited. I have made an effort with some of them / invited in past but get blown off.

daughter is constantly asking to see them outside of school but she is never invited to any of their play dates or trips. She thinks they are her friends as they play a lot at school however nothing happens outside.

also difficult because they go to some of the same after school activities and others all get lefts together where as we don’t.

I have explained to her that we cannot control what other people do and maybe they are not such good friends but she’s gone to bed crying.

one cannot force others to be friends with your child I get that but it seems really unkind to never invite. I have invited other children in my other child’s year to things to avoid similar happening.

what is the best course of action? I was going to message main mum about it but then decided not to as she obviously doesn’t want anything to do with us !

OP posts:
Moonnstarz · 25/04/2026 06:52

Have you invited them 1:1 or as a group before?

I think what you have explained to DD is fair. You cannot control it what people do in their free time. Maybe these parents just gelled and have other things in common.
Does you DD do any clubs to meet other friends?

To be honest it's the same where I am. People either stick to themselves or have found a group of parents who they get on with and the kids all get on so they socialise with them. They aren't rude and turn down party invites or anything, but I think for most people when it comes to free time you would rather spend it with someone you are comfortable with too.

JuliettaCaeser · 25/04/2026 06:49

That’s awful. Are there literally only 5 girls? If so I would consider moving her. The fact the girls get on in school show it’s not your dd that’s the problem.

If it helps dd2 didn’t find her tribe at primary but is now at 16 is extremely popular with absolutely legions of lovely friends and constantly at parties, It was the place not the child

ToffeeCrabApple · 25/04/2026 06:45

Is that all the kids in class? I'd be a bit put off by a class size so small for exactly this reason

ThejoyofNC · 25/04/2026 06:43

Is there anything about your family that would concern them enough to not allow their children around you? XL bully dog, someone in prison, weird hobby, obsessed with social media?

If not, I would message to be honest. She's already been ostracised so what's the harm?

Endofyear · 24/04/2026 22:14

Are there only 5 girls in the class or are there other girls you could encourage your DD to be friendly with? I would keep inviting 1 or 2 of the girls to playdates and make them really fun - take them to do an activity or have pizza making or cupcake decorating parties at home, popcorn and movies or nail painting and sticker tattoos. Once word gets round that your house is a fun house, the others girls will be angling for an invite too!

Coka · 24/04/2026 21:53

They are also coming upto an age they will start to arrange things themselves so you could encourage your daughter to ask one or two of them to meet up at the park or something.

Coka · 24/04/2026 21:51

Its an awful age, i sympathise. I would keep attempting to arrange things with 1 or 2 others in the group. If sucessful then 'main mum' may feel left out and start to include your daughter. Or speak to the teacher and see if they can encourage a friendship outside of the group.

Original poster
Anotherbiscuit · 24/04/2026 21:48

Also not invited to any of their smaller gathering birthday parties which have all taken place since Sept.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anotherbiscuit · 24/04/2026 21:47

It would actually be easier if they excluded her at school but they play a lot with her
, teacher has confirmed that she’s well liked in school. I think it’s driven by the parents. Not sure what we have done.

OP posts: