to think the expectations of grandfathers vs grandmothers are miles apart?

Biologically, it's fucking impossible without TBH.
Unless you're using a sperm donor - which frankly a lot of men are. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Can be engaged without doing childcare

Ok you’ve only seen one thread, there are more.

I don’t know why these women have babies with men but if you want to find out reasons for anything you have to ask people and then listen to what they say not respond all argumentatively and defensively at them and not accept other reasons because it conflicts with what you believe.

There are many reasons for many things people do because people are complex.

Read through threads here about women questioning grandfather’s behaviour with their children, male nursery workers and you will find people are far, far more skeptical of men looking after children than you are.

So men are ok enough to breed with but that is where their services end?

As the decades go by, this may change. As you will have Grandad who will have done nappies etc.

Because granny did the childcare in terms of feeding, nappies etc. They know the ropes.
Grandad is more likely to have been involved with playtime. But would not be familiar with nappies or feeding arrangements. They didn’t do it first time around. Asking them to learn would be unkind.
Work around the home was in the past more often in households clearly defined. Men cut the grass, dealt with anything around the house that needed maintaining including the car. Women did cookery and washing and ironing. And most of the childcare.

So nobody really expects Grandad to do nappies. He hasn’t a clue where to begin.
That is why. Ask him to mow the lawn and you might be in luck.

I look after my grandsons 2 days a week. My son in laws dad also looks after them 2 days a week. His wife is still working. So your premise isnt my reality

Women rely much more on other women for support because men abuse women and children at such a high rate that even if it is so utterly deep down most women are extremely skeptical of men looking after children.

They cannot imprison the vast majority of men who are looking at child porn because the courts are flooded with them and the conviction for rapes could be as little as 1-2% of the overall number of rapes and that prevalence is high, add it together with DV and child abuse and I think that is why the pressure falls disproportionately to women. Also it is almost always men known to women and children who harm them.

Look at the bear vs strange man in the woods question.

Nah people object to those to. It’s boring as shit.

Fuck me. This again 10 in a fortnight? Just don’t look after your grandkids.

We could equally talk about the unfair expectations of the elderly on daughters to step up and provide care compared to sons.

Women being default carers, not just for children, but elderly/disabled family etc is a huge issue. I'd have hoped it would die out by now. I'm my DD's childcare, I do this willingly and enjoy it. But a lot of my friends are helping out with grandchildren, while their husbands decide not to. I know if it was the granddad doing the care and the grandmother refused to get involved, there'd be a lot of negative gossip about her.
I came from a family were there's a 60(woman)/40 split, but the women worked less. Now I see women doing 60+, while working full time and using savings for maternity leave. Yet the government wonders why we have a birth rate problem.

At my GCs school there is a good mix, across pick-ups, inspire events etc. A lot of Dads put a lot of time into running sport activities etc. But it isn't reflective of every area. I don't think that it's doing us any favours to have immigrantion from countries were women are the housekeepers etc.

My DS’s grandfathers were both dead before he was born so that sorted the problem for us. I don’t know how the rest of you cope with such a huge issue.

I do 3 full days of childcare for my 2 year old grand daughter. From 7 till 1 its just me and her. Then at 1 grandad gets home, then her mam is home by half 3. On the days I dont have her, she'll be out with mam all day and when she walks in the door (they live with us) the little madam blanks me and runs straight to grandad.

And this is what older generations were taught to do. Changing these patterns for younger generations took a great deal of hard work. Changing these for older generations is probably more emotional and mental labour than most parents of young kids really want to take on.

It's pretty tedious now, isn't it?

How have you made it to 20 years? Presumably his attitude isn't a new thing?

My husband thinks he shares the childcare when we have our young grandchildren to stay. His contribution is usually snacks on demand and resorting to TV or iPad. I’m the one playing games, baking with them, organising crafts, reading with them, getting them to bed, to eat fruit and vegetables and clean their teeth.

The children are already savvy enough to know that grandma is hands on and grandad just sits in his chair and lets life happen around him .

That's a race to the bottom. Kids benefit significantly from having actively engaged grandparents.