AIBU to feel dads get more praise for everyday childcare?

I used to hear about how amazing my very abusive ex was from school, other parents etc.

He never did a parents evening, never sent in PE kit / water bottle / lunches / paid trips etc and I always got the calls to pick up the slack (and did, despite being the only one of us who worked) but "he does so well with them".

What was funny was seeing the look on my oldest DS face whenever it was said.

Yep, the expectations are very different.

That being said, there's still a difference between you both being around and one of you in hospital with the other doing 100% plus handing a potentially worried child and a change in routine. I think you'd both deserve a well done in that circumstance, and would probably get it (though more for him 🙄).

Yep, I was told DH was a fantastic dad simple because he looked after his own child!

Oh yes, if contributing in any way it’s often presented as doing the mum a favour too…!

I remember when my son wad tiny and I took an evening job in a bar when dh could be home with the kids and when I met the bar manager the first thing he told me very proudly was that he had been a single Dad. I then worked with him for about a year and in that time I heard all the disgusting comments he made about single mums and wish I’d pointed out his proud achievement of being a single dad but he was my manager so I didn’t.

Patriarchy, misogyny, sexism
All of the above and more.

People need to be reminded, When a dad has his children, its not that they are 'looking after them", its not "childcare" its parenting. It isnt special; its basic.

Yes! I was walking to the station with my neighbour who was telling me how amazing my husband is, I informed her I’m quite good too seeing as I was going to work to pay the mortgage and he was doing the childcare. Women need to stop praising these men because they entertain useless men.

Oh yes, my ex in laws think my ex is absolutely fabulous looking after our kids every other weekend. Apparently, “he does everything”.

My BIL regularly said he was ‘babysitting’ his own children. I remember my partner saying ‘how the fuck are you babysitting, they’re your kids!’ BIL really didn’t get it and thought he was doing a great service to his wife who only wasn’t looking after them because she was working. He took them to his parents house where MIL looked after them while he watched the football, yet MIL still thought he was great for having the kids to ‘let’ his wife work. 😵‍💫

Yep, it’s annoying. As long as your husband doesn’t think he’s done anything amazing though, then just roll your eyes or say something like ‘yes, he’s a fully functioning human, even with that penis attached’.

I hope you’re feeling better.

I had a couple of week long hospital stays when DD1 was 18months old ish and was on a ward with primarily older women. The sheer amount of incredulity when asked who was looking after DD and I replied DH was amazing. I think most expected a mum or MIL roped in to help. They were even more shocked when I told them DH was a stay at home dad!

I hope to be a small part of the attitude change towards default parents, I do it in small acts of rebellion, like putting DH's number first on contact forms (and pointing that out when inevitably school phone me first) and sending DH to baby groups.

Well I wouldn't be doing everything going forward, he should be doing his share of parties and activities!

If he did so well he'll obviously be doing at least 50:50 once you are back 100%.
Won't he ?
You have the ammunition 😊

‘Hands on dad’

’Helped out with the kids’

‘Helps with bedtime’

See it all the time here.

YANBU. Two of DDs infant school friends had lost a parent very young. One had a single mother and the other a single father.

I will leave it to you to imagine the HUGE difference in praise that was regularly heaped on just one of these sadly widowed parents.

Yes I had the same thing after a stay in hospital. Just sexism isn't it I guess.