To be worried about my 22 year old dating a 30 year old

Is she at uni? At home? Has she lived away from home? Does she have a career or clear career aspirations?

To me the only real danger is the classic trap of him earning more so it “makes sense” to prioritise his career when making joint decisions and so she can never “catch up” or reach her full potential. I read about that so often on here and it’s sad. But it is avoidable if she’s clear about her priorities.

So 22 and 29? I wouldn’t be concerned about that age gap as long as there are no other issues. Are they at a similar stage in life and want the same things? That’s more important for two people under 30 I would think

22 is not "much younger" than 29. They are both adults in their twenties, likely with very similar life experiences and moving in the same circles, with the same interests and hobbies etc.

‘Seek out’ and ‘much younger’ is doing some serious heavy lifting. How do you even infer that the man sought her out from a single sentence opening post 😂

Don’t see the issue. It would be very different if she were 17 and he 24 but they’re both adults.

Probably the same maturity level. Seems fine to me. Both adults and this isn't pervy proportions. YABU.

I’m personally not a big fan of age gap relationships generally but that’s not a terrible gap, it could definitely be worse.

I’ve been married to the man who was 30 when I was 22 for 20 years!

I met dh at 23 and he was 30. Been married 27 years! Never thought it was predatory at all as I was an independent adult making my own choices.

Dh was 21 and I was 28 when we started dating. He was still in uni. 🫣 We’d go places and he’d get IDed and they’d just wave me through. It absolutely can work if everyone is in the same place in life. Dh was and probably still is more mature than me. We got married when he was 24 and I was 31 and had our first baby a year later.

We are still very happy 18 years later, but we were very well suited to each other with similar values and wanting similar things from life.

Obviously, no one can tell you if that’s the case, but I think if they aren’t in the same place in life, it will be a bit of fun and then fizzle out.

It’s absolutely fine! Good for her - 22 year old men sometimes aren’t quite as mature emotionally as women at that age, so hopefully she’s enjoying it

have you met the guy yet? Is there something about him (other than being 29) that makes you think he’s not a good partner for your DD? What’s his relationship history?

Maybe he didn't 'seek her out'. Maybe they just met and actually really liked one another. 🙄So every man who is dating, married to, or with a woman who is younger than he is, is only with her because he doesn't see her as equal?

My DH is a good few years older than me and I can assure you we are most definitely equals and both view each other as such.

You have a funny way of looking at relationships IMO

YABU.
DH is 7 years older than me. I met him when I was 20. We will be celebrating our 45th wedding anniversary this year.

What are you are concerned about specifically?

There was an age gap of almost 14 years between my parents. My Dad was born in October 1947 and Mum was born in September 1961.

They met in the summer of 1985, when Mum was coming up to 24 and Dad was 37.

I don't think large age gaps by themselves are anything to worry about when both parties are consenting adults. And I don't see 7/8 years as that large of an age gap.

It falls within the half your age plus 7 rule so it is ok.

I was 22 when I met my husband, he was 28. I’d been living independently for 4 years by that point. Unless you have concerns about your daughter being vulnerable or something similar I think you are unduly concerned.

Seven additional years of being an adult is seven more years of life experience. It makes for an imbalance in the relationship.

She may be an adult but she’s a very young adult. He’s been around a lot longer. It doesn’t mean he’s abusive or cynical. But a person who wants a genuine partnership of equals doesn’t seek out a mate who is far less experienced than they are. Why would they?

And by the way because you don’t agree doesn’t mean I am living in “cloud cuckoo land”. Its perfectly possible to robustly disagree without being an arse.

What utter tosh

22 and 29 are perfectly normal ages to be in a relationship together. What are you worried about?
I've said it before and no doubt I'll say it again, you don't have to only date people who were born in the same year as you. As long as everyone is a consenting adult what does it matter?

Again what utter nonsense 😂You live in cloud cuckoo land.

What the hell has age got to do with whether someone views someone as their equal or not. 🙄

This seems fairly normal to me, the only thing is she might be at a slightly different life stage, but if she's settled down working, left uni, and he's 29, I think their life stages are probably fairly similar. Nothing to worry about due to age here, I think, be more concerned if he's a stable nice man and she likes him.

I’d be concerned if he were 50 - creepy; or 40 -less creepy but impractical and leading to issues later in life (when she is 40 stuck with a 60yo)
But as it is - he 29. Men this age these days are not that far off your daughter’s age.
Maybe a little more mature, but it’s a good thing, and probably why she likes him.

I’m standing by it. A man who wants a much younger partner isn’t looking for an equal.

Does it mean he’s a dangerous predator? Of course not. But it means he doesn’t want someone who will challenge him or have too much independence in the relationship.