To be worried about my 22 year old dating a 30 year old

I think it depends how they met. If he is the type to actively seek out younger women then yes that is odd. I met my husband at 18 and he was 26, we worked together but it was a while before he knew my age and he debated it for a long time whether he should make a move or not but due to my age and we've been together 15 years now, married 10 years and have 2 children. At 22, she may well have more in common with a 30 year old man than a man closer in age as males mature later than females.

I wouldn't be concerned OP.

I met my husband when I was 19 and he was 25. We have been married for well over 40 years, very happily. I can assure you that he has never been in any doubt that I will challenge him when necessary and we have both had plenty of independence in the relationship.

The men in my life are fine, thanks, but thanks for your concern.

Utter, utter rubbish. 19 years between my DH and I and we are very much equals. Maybe you need better men in your life

I’m 29 and my life experiences are very different to what they were when I was 22 and just out of university. I have a career, a child, a house etc. I can’t relate to 22 year olds.

25 and 32 is the same age gap but more equal.

That gap is nothing. 19 year gap for me and been married 20 years

Do you believe that emotional maturity is aligned to chronological age Op?
So all 22 year old are of the same level of maturity give or take?

I don’t think that is the case, because maturity really is “emotional intelligence” of which there are always varying amounts, the same as any type of intelligence.
We are used to thinking about children in terms of their age group, because of the school system, but in reality if you were to look at ages 12-20 you would find that both academically and emotionally, there would be a proportion of 12 year olds who would be on on par with 20 year olds, and all the other combinations in between.
We obviously don’t encourage this type of relationship because of the sexual aspects, but that aside, there wouldn’t really be a problem.

A similar age relationship can obviously work fine, but in all honesty it’s more about being aligned in emotional maturity and life ideals and preferences.

Why the “30 year old in (late July)”? 😂🤦🏽‍♀️

What kind of man is he and does he treat her well?

No, because I wouldn't consider 7 years to be "much younger".

YABVU

Does that also apply to women dating younger men?

I was 28 and DH was 39 when we met. Been married 36 years and very much equals.

Yabu, unless she has vulnerabilities you haven't mentioned. I started dating a 29 year old when I was 21. We've been married 12 years and have 2 kids. She's a fully grown adult.

Yes OP he should be locked away as a dangerous predator indefinitely (sarcasm, obviously).

Seven years in your twenties is bugger all ffs.

I have kids in a similar age group and wouldnt like that age gap even if they were the older one.

However they are adults and my disapproval wouldn’t make any difference.

People infantilise young adults so much.

As if when they met, they had their ages sharpied into their foreheads? A 22 year old and 29 year old dont look much different, both could be graduates working the same job at the same level.

A 22 year old could have children already, be in a very important job like the army, have their own property, know how to drive, have shagged loads of people, travelled.

Honestly this is bizarre.

The 30 year old has had many years of adult life behind him already, and many years of dating etc.. If my 22 yo DD began dating him I would be wondering ‘what’s wrong with him, why did previous relationships not work out?’. But, I’d probably offset this, begrudgingly, with ‘maybe he just hasn’t found the right one yet’. So I’d leave them be.

I know at least 3 couples with that age gap

Right…but she’s not 16. She’s old enough to be a junior doctor ffs. So she can be responsible for people’s healthcare but but not sleep with a man who happened to be born seven years before her?? That’s ridiculous. And infantilising. Should her boss not employ her because she is ‘soo young’? Imagine if her mother refused to take her opinion because she isn’t ‘old enough to be taken seriously’. You’d think that was outrageous yet this guy (who isn’t even 30 yet, anyway!) is akin to a pdf because he has started a mutually desired relationship with her?

Completely normal.

I was 18 when I met my ex, he was 26 and very immature, hence why he is an ex now.

Hahaha! Absolute shite! My poor unfortunate, 8 years older husband must be incredibly disappointed that he married me when I was 22! Being that I am the most independent person he’s ever met and there is no one who is more challenging than I am! I enjoy challenging people, especially him for fun! Albeit, I suspect you’ve just made what you’ve said up anyway, but just to clarify, you’re wrong!

What’s your DD like? Do you see her as immature, vulnerable? What life experiences has she had? Other relationships / lived away from home? Does she have a balanced foundation for her life of other things - longterm friends, hobbies, career, ambitions, plans etc. How did they meet? What’s his situation - has he children? Been married or lived in a long term relationship? What’s his relationship history? What’s his basic foundations as listed before. I don’t expect you to know everything but these would be the things I would be noticing at any age.

Ir suggests they don't want an equal? What?
There was a ten year age gap in my first marriage similar age to OP daughter and he was ten years older. No issues of inequality whatsoever

She’s 22 not a baby. It’s not of your business as long as he is nice to her.

When I was 22 I was travelling dating men older than me from my age to 30 and I have no regrets!!! Some 22 year olds can run rings round a 30 year old man.