To be worried about my 22 year old dating a 30 year old

Well maybe it's time she grew up

FFS...they are both consenting adults!

I've seen a lot of absolute nonsense spouted on here but this must be up there in the top 5 stupid replies.

Self centred people usually stay self centred, no matter what their age.

My husband and I started dating at the same ages. I am older (woman). Been together 15 years now and I have totally forgotten the age gap. It’s not an issue.

My DDs husband is 7 years older. I dunno about " equal". She was his boss at work within a year of meeting him and as the old fashioned term states " wears the trousers"

Not an unusual age gap really is it. My ex was six years older than me and even with the smaller gap, there were a couple of times when he was obviously older as I wanted to do things he had got out of his system like backpacking around Europe. So she just needs to make sure it doesn't hold her back and she has regrets.

I think there’s quite a big maturity gap between 22 and 29, but it’s not creepy territory. I’d be concerned if he was 35+

No. If he was 39 then maybe, but 29 is fine.

Yep, this.

I ran rings around men the same age as me. I have always protected my own interests and he is very forgiving of how aggro I can be and it makes for an excellent relationship. I

But she isn't 'much younger'. She's in her early 20s, he's in his late 20s. They're two adults of the same generation and the same stage of life.

You're being incredibly weird about this. Seven or eight years is nothing for two adults.

If she was an 18-year-old sixth former and he was a 40-year-old managing director or something then yes, obviously there would a power imbalance, but that isn't what's happening here. What's happening here is two adults of a similar age, who would naturally be going out to the same places, doing similar things, have the same cultural and social frame of reference, are dating. That is normal. It isn't weird or creepy or a power imbalance of any kind.

What IS weird and creepy is the way some people on Mumsnet infantilise adult women as if they're silly little innocent girls with no agency who are being preyed upon by wily, clever, sexually predatory older men seeking to corrupt them. The fact that someone would see a relationship between a 22-year-old and a 29-year-old in those terms says a lot more about that person than it does about the people in the relationship.

I would not worry if your daughter is happy that is all that matters. We woman prefer older guys anyway and they are usually so attentive to us ladies.

I think it's a bit old, 24 and 30 I'd not find too odd, or the same age gap when she's about 25/26 but I don't think there's anything you can do and it's not super concerning unless there's something else about him that concerns you.

There is nearly 7 years between me and DH and we met at similar ages.

The age difference didn't really come into it, we had similar likes and dislikes, similar outlook and similar attitudes. It worked.

I wonder if the man’s parent is worrying about him? Why would a younger girl be interested in him? It seems it’s always parents of daughters that worry about them coming to harm, why not the other way round? At the end of the day this girl has as much chance of hurting him as he does hurting her.

This is such an odd way of looking at relationships. When my husband and I met, we were both students. He had left school after A levels and worked for a few years before deciding that he did want to go to university after all. We were on the same course and interested in the same topics, so that was one thing we had in common from the off. As we got to know each other, we found there were others. As for why we ended up married, we just clicked. I get on with him and have more in common with him than anyone else I've ever met. The fact that he's six years older than me is irrelevant.

There can be enormous differences in the kind of lives people of the same age have lived. One person could have grown up in care and had a really difficult start in life, exposed to stuff that no child should be. Another could have had a very sheltered upbringing, wrapped in cotton wool by parents, protected from as many risks as possible, never learning to cope with adversity. Most of us would fall somewhere in between. One's chronological age bears very little relationship to that kind of maturity in my experience.

I wonder what kind of girl she is and does she treat him well? Works both ways really.

So they are 22 and 29 🤣
what a non issue

Apparently a lot of younger women are seeking out slightly older men as they grew up without manosphere content on the internet and have obnoxious views their younger peers. I don’t think it’s a massively problematic gap tbh.

Same age gap here. Met when I was 18, i think looking back i was actively seeking some one more mature than boys my own age. It’s worked out okay, married 30 plus years. Two grown up kids. Only small niggle is he’s aging faster than me, but thats due to chronic health conditions that can happen at any age. He still looks 10yrs younger than his age, no one ever believes me when i say he’s older than I am!
I think young people today are “younger” than they used to be though - most of my generation were living independently by early 20’s, married younger, had kids younger - thats quite unusual now due to ever increasing costs.

Yabu

Nothing wrong with that, she is a grown woman.

Lol. I was 22 when I met my DH, and he was 29. If he was looking for someone who wouldn't challenge him or be too independent, then he must have been sorely disappointed!

But that was more than 30 years ago, so hopefully he has come to terms with it by now!