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Original poster

To be worried about my 22 year old dating a 30 year old

113 replies

Beyoungbefoolishi · 24/04/2026 12:34

22 dd is dating a 30 year old in (late July) man currently

OP posts:
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Lovemuesli · 25/04/2026 14:45

Oreosareawful · 24/04/2026 12:44

Sorry OP, you're overreacting. Thats not an age gap.

This.

OonaStubbs · 25/04/2026 14:44

Half your age plus 7 should be the law.

Corinthiana · 25/04/2026 14:38

When I was about 22 I found a lot of men my age very immature. Into the drinking culture and football. My husband wasn't, and was already established in a career.

HoppingPavlova · 25/04/2026 14:36

Can’t see the issue. I was saying men around 35yo when I was that age as they were so much better than men my own age. In the main they seemed to have their shit sorted in who they were, what they wanted, were more settled within themselves etc.

My problem was that after a while they wanted to get married, have kids and I was the one that said no, so then I’d move on to the next one and rinse and repeat really looking back on it.

Once I got to 30yo I was able to decrease the age gap as the guys around my age had started to become more mature. Then I was more ready to start thinking about marriage, so it all worked.

When I was that younger age dating men 10-15 years older, there was never a power imbalance and it was never awkward, never anything to worry about, just a positive experience.

Corinthiana · 25/04/2026 14:25

BudgetBuster · 25/04/2026 14:22

Maybe she's not a grown up 22 because you don't like her making her own decisions...

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Could be.

BudgetBuster · 25/04/2026 14:22

Beyoungbefoolishi · 24/04/2026 20:59

She is immature for 22 and still very self centred she’s not a grown up 22 year old

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Maybe she's not a grown up 22 because you don't like her making her own decisions...

Wiennetta · 25/04/2026 14:18

I met my DH when I was 23 and he was 30. We’ve been together for 15 years. I don’t think that age gap is that unusual, surely? It’s similar to a couple of other friends who are also happily married.

Corinthiana · 25/04/2026 14:15

BoredZelda · 25/04/2026 14:11

In which case she’d have a problem whether her partner was 18, 22, 25 or 40.

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This.

Corinthiana · 25/04/2026 14:15

My husband is 8 years older than me. We've been together for more than 40 years.
No imbalance in the relationship!
It's the personality, not the age.

BoredZelda · 25/04/2026 14:11

Beyoungbefoolishi · 24/04/2026 20:59

She is immature for 22 and still very self centred she’s not a grown up 22 year old

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In which case she’d have a problem whether her partner was 18, 22, 25 or 40.

Rewis · 25/04/2026 14:05

22 and 29 is not too bad. Maybe if he is a divorced single father of 3 but if they're both single and childless then it is not red flag age gap.

BudgetBuster · 25/04/2026 14:04

Thepeopleversuswork · 24/04/2026 12:39

I would also be concerned too OP.

A queue of people will be along shortly to tell you they met their husband when they were 16 and he was 30 and they are still “madly in love”, but I am always suspicious of the motives of anyone who seeks out a much younger partner. It suggests they don’t want an equal.

Having said that, if you signal your disapproval she will double down so I would accept it but gently push her to be wary.

Ah yes, because a 22 yr old and a 29yr old (pretty standard 7 year age gap) grown adults are exactly comparable to a 16yr old teenager and a 30 year old partner......

Oh no wait, one involves a literal teen and the age gap is double 🙄

You've just reinvented the OPs dilemma completely

BillieWiper · 25/04/2026 14:02

It's perfectly reasonable. They're both adults. Once you're over 20 you should be able to date people of any age above. I agree if it's teens and people decades older it seems dodgy but this isn't that.

Itsnearlyholiday1929282828 · 25/04/2026 13:13

I was 22 when I met my now DH, he was 29 (about to turn 30) with a 6 year old!
I can’t recall my Mum having any reservations - if she did she never voiced them. I was in a full time career, living in my own flat. Didn’t introduce him for quite a few months.
We moved in together after six months, 17 years later we are married with two children together!

Starsnrainbows · 25/04/2026 13:05

Age gaps that small are perfectly fine.

W0tnow · 25/04/2026 12:43

I wouldn’t be crazy about it either. My daughters will still be at university at 22. Maybe just finishing. Barely starting their careers/adult life. 30 is not the same stage at all. It’s not about infantilising anyone, or branding anyone a creep. I know they want to travel, and build the foundations of their careers. Possibly someone 8 years older is coming out the other side of that stage. Different priorities in life happen at different life stages.

I’m not sure what repeating that a 22 year old is an adult achieves. No one is saying she isn’t.

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 25/04/2026 12:42

Na it's fine, 22 isn't a teenager. He's not even 30 yet. If she was under 20 you might have a point.

TheSandgroper · 25/04/2026 12:41

DF and DM met whe she was 19. He is nine years older. They took up together pretty quickly. They married when she was 23 and had her degree. She died at 63 and he has had a long time without her.

Theirs is the marriage I want and my husband is pretty terrific.

I understand your trepidation, truly I do, but it needn’t be a bad idea.

CurlewKate · 25/04/2026 12:36

I would be concerned too. But there’s nothing you can do about it.

Jc2001 · 25/04/2026 12:19

LlynTegid · 25/04/2026 11:52

There are great variations in 30 year old men, some are a 'manchild', others have grown up.

Given what the OP describes her DD to be, I think a valid concern, though we don't know much if anything about the 30 year old man.

There are great variations in 22 woman evidently as well, but they're all adults.

LlynTegid · 25/04/2026 11:52

There are great variations in 30 year old men, some are a 'manchild', others have grown up.

Given what the OP describes her DD to be, I think a valid concern, though we don't know much if anything about the 30 year old man.

Jc2001 · 25/04/2026 11:50

Cosyblankets · 24/04/2026 23:35

Well maybe it's time she grew up

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Exa
ctly . Cutting the apron strings would be a good start.

Butchyrestingface · 25/04/2026 11:44

The infantilisation of adult women on this site is reaching peak levels.

Rincoe · 25/04/2026 11:41

DuckyDolittle · 25/04/2026 00:06

Maybe this partner will have a positive effect on her then? If he has a little more experience in life and relationships he'll be more likely to challenge her on this behaviour

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Agree with this - if she’s self centred and demanding he might be able to put some manners on her. Maybe she might find any boundaries like this reassuring and might help her to grow up?

Have you met him? What is he like?

DuckyDolittle · 25/04/2026 00:06

Beyoungbefoolishi · 24/04/2026 20:59

She is immature for 22 and still very self centred she’s not a grown up 22 year old

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Maybe this partner will have a positive effect on her then? If he has a little more experience in life and relationships he'll be more likely to challenge her on this behaviour