With dementia on the increase, AIBU to think that many overestimate the amount of inheritance they may receive?

This is why we've been helping our son during his Uni years and first few years of working. Far better to help him setting out in life and making him self-sufficient with a good education/good career than leaving him to fend for himself in minimum wage work having to wait for his inheritance before he can buy a house, have expensive holidays, etc. We've helped set him up so that he can earn enough to look after himself and have a good life, then he won't "need" any more inheritance from us. "Teach a man to fish and he'll never be hungry, give a man a fish and he'll be hungry the next day"

We both "suffered" because neither of our parents gave us any financial support when we were young and we had to fend for ourselves in low paid crap jobs due to effectively not being allowed to have a better education. That had knock on effects, such as compromising on what adult/further education we could do and what jobs we could do. It took us both many years to scrabble some qualifications together to get into better professions and then years more doing self study to get professional qualifications alongside full time work. It meant we delayed getting married and delayed starting a family. It meant we couldn't buy a house near either set of parents. Ultimately it meant our parents only had one grandchild as I was too old to have a second after having my first at nearly 40! It meant they didn't see as much of their grandchild as they wanted because we didn't live close and they became too old to drive long distances.

By the time we got our respective inheritances, it did us no good as we were approaching retirement ourselves and had paid off our mortgage etc. The money is literally sat in the bank unspent - except for amounts given to our son so he didn't need to take out maximum student loans, amounts we've filtered into his ISA accounts and amounts we paid to help set him up in his unfurnished rented flat in the city he first started working (hundreds of miles away) for furniture, utensils, F&F etc. We encouraged him to move away for work so that he wouldn't be limited by poor career/job availability in the crap run down region we live in and the only way to do that was to subsidise the costs of him relocating! We've both said we'd wished our grandparents had left their estates directly to our son, but they didn't, so we've been drip feeding their money to him ourselves to help him when he needs, not make him wait until we die!

Had our respective parents given us some financial support, even small amounts, our lives, and those of our parents could have been so different. We didn't want to impose that on our son. I'm sure our parents would have preferred for us to have lived closer to them, given them more grandchildren, been close enough for them to have had more "fun" with the grandchildren, etc., than just watching numbers get bigger in their building society passbooks!

The most popular care home in our town is owned by Barchester Homes which, until late last year was owned by three billionaires, so that tells you something.

It's no wonder entrepreneurs like Duncan Bannatyne started off on their quest for fortune by owning care homes. It's very lucrative creaming off other people's misery.

It should never be relied on or form part of future financial planning ... anything left to you is a bonus, not a right.

I can't help but wonder if people (who currently don't have an elderly or unwell parent) realise just how expensive care fees are in this country?

I see so many inheritance threads on here and people getting upset because they have discovered a sibling or other relative is set to benefit more from a potential will or that a parent or in-law has suggested they should add this person in or take that person out and see threads stating 'We are set to inherit this or dc will be rich at 25 with this big inheritance from their gp' etc?

I can't help but wonder with an ever growing ageing society and diseases like dementia being the biggest killer in this country that many people will have a shock when their parent or grandparent ends up in a care home and all of 'their' inheritance is swallowed up.

I'll be honest, up until a few years ago, I too had no idea just how expensive care costs are to the individual or to society in general.

My parents are in their 80's and mum is (now) in advanced Alzheimer's disease having suffered for the last 8 years and even though she also has cancer, heart disease and osteoporosis her poor body must have a strong will and desire to keep on living because despite succumbing to various infections and a couple of falls over the last year, one which saw her fracture her neck (a fracture that most elderly osteoporosis sufferers die from), she keeps on going.

Due to her frailty and double incontinence she requires carers 3 times a day which is currently costing mum £4k per month (almost £40k so far). Thankfully my parents can afford this. Post hospital discharge mum had 6 weeks of 'free' LA funded care and it was dreadful, so we are thankful there are funds for private care and I will forever be grateful for that. This current care though is really not enough so between my elderly father, my sister and I we fill in the rest of the time (carers only here for a maximum of 3 hours per day, usually less) and it is beyond stressful. Eventually and probably sooner rather than later we will have to conclude we just can not keep mum at home any longer and she will most probably have to go into a care home and with her growing complex needs it will more than likely cost £1600+ per week, so at least £70k per year. Dad is 85 this year and although he is in physical good health we are concerned that his cognition is declining too so who knows what the future lies ahead for him and how much care he may need?

DH's uncle had a stroke two years ago and has been in a care home, on end of life care, for the last 18 months, this has so far racked up a bill of £150k.

Personally, I have never relied on an potential future inheritance and I am thankful that my parents have enough funds to be able to pay for the best care their money can buy, I know many are not so lucky. But I could never rely on my parents money coming my way and so dh and I have long ago made our own provisions for the future but reading so many of the inheritance threads here with siblings squabbling over wills whilst their (often not yet too elderly) parents are still in fine fettle makes me wonder how many will be in for a big shock should either of their parents or relatives become one of the many who are diagnosed with dementia every year and need lots of care?

Yes, this is from the Office for National Statistics although a few years out of date

"The majority of older people live independently in their own homes. As of 2021, there were 278,946 individuals aged 65 and over living in care homes in England and Wales, representing 82.1% of all care home residents. This accounts for approximately 4% of the total population aged 65 and over, increasing to 15% among those aged 85 and over. "

Dementia patients shouldn't have to fund care home costs. Google continuing healthcare it should be covered by the local authority

Dementia patients shouldn't have to fund care home costs. Google continuing healthcare it should be covered by the local authority

This is all nothing new: has nobody read Dickens?!

I can't help but wonder if people (who currently don't have an elderly or unwell parent) realise just how expensive care fees are in this country?

I see so many inheritance threads on here and people getting upset because they have discovered a sibling or other relative is set to benefit more from a potential will or that a parent or in-law has suggested they should add this person in or take that person out and see threads stating 'We are set to inherit this or dc will be rich at 25 with this big inheritance from their gp' etc?

I can't help but wonder with an ever growing ageing society and diseases like dementia being the biggest killer in this country that many people will have a shock when their parent or grandparent ends up in a care home and all of 'their' inheritance is swallowed up.

I'll be honest, up until a few years ago, I too had no idea just how expensive care costs are to the individual or to society in general.

My parents are in their 80's and mum is (now) in advanced Alzheimer's disease having suffered for the last 8 years and even though she also has cancer, heart disease and osteoporosis her poor body must have a strong will and desire to keep on living because despite succumbing to various infections and a couple of falls over the last year, one which saw her fracture her neck (a fracture that most elderly osteoporosis sufferers die from), she keeps on going.

Due to her frailty and double incontinence she requires carers 3 times a day which is currently costing mum £4k per month (almost £40k so far). Thankfully my parents can afford this. Post hospital discharge mum had 6 weeks of 'free' LA funded care and it was dreadful, so we are thankful there are funds for private care and I will forever be grateful for that. This current care though is really not enough so between my elderly father, my sister and I we fill in the rest of the time (carers only here for a maximum of 3 hours per day, usually less) and it is beyond stressful. Eventually and probably sooner rather than later we will have to conclude we just can not keep mum at home any longer and she will most probably have to go into a care home and with her growing complex needs it will more than likely cost £1600+ per week, so at least £70k per year. Dad is 85 this year and although he is in physical good health we are concerned that his cognition is declining too so who knows what the future lies ahead for him and how much care he may need?

DH's uncle had a stroke two years ago and has been in a care home, on end of life care, for the last 18 months, this has so far racked up a bill of £150k.

Personally, I have never relied on an potential future inheritance and I am thankful that my parents have enough funds to be able to pay for the best care their money can buy, I know many are not so lucky. But I could never rely on my parents money coming my way and so dh and I have long ago made our own provisions for the future but reading so many of the inheritance threads here with siblings squabbling over wills whilst their (often not yet too elderly) parents are still in fine fettle makes me wonder how many will be in for a big shock should either of their parents or relatives become one of the many who are diagnosed with dementia every year and need lots of care?

I spoke to my IFA about this, to get the statistics. Going into a care home is the most expensive risk in old age. However, less than 10% of the elderly will need this. In my & my partner’s family no parent/grandparent went into a care home. This contrasts to the stories above.
Of the 10% that do go into care, the average stay before death is 2 years. Therefore, he advises clients who are interested in protecting their estates against this to have £80k per annum in reserve, so around £160k.
As discussed by previous posters, there are exceptions to this, but they are statistical outliers. Of my IFAs 150 clients (all retired) he has 1 in a care home & 1 heading that way.
I do agree that no one should “expect” an inheritance. I am especially concerned about the tax implications for my heirs. On that basis I am setting up a trust for my heirs which will lie outside of my estate & cover the likely tax.