To say 'make your own breakfast' to Husband

That's a mad amount of food to have in a day! I'm guessing you all eat by the clock rather than when you're hungry?!

I won’t repeat what everybody else has said already OP, but I do agree your son will greatly benefit from learning life skills such as sorting meals on his own ASAP. I moved abroad at 16 for my studies (not to a boarding school, I was in student accommodation) and had to suddenly learn how to fix ALL my meals every day. Cook, wash, clean and prepare “life” for the next day, even if I was tired after an exam. Would your son be capable of this if he were to leave home this summer (or in 2)?

On the other hand, there’s been a lot of fixation on the hot lunch by (presumably) British / northwestern posters. I am from a Mediterranean culture where our main, hot meal is always eaten at lunchtime. I cannot get on board with just a sandwich halfway through my day, sorry.

What happens, though, is that you prep and plan accordingly so that you’re not by the stove for an hour and a half in the middle of your working day. You either cook the day before and take a box to work, or if you are working from home, you (aka the rice-and-curry-lover-DH) coordinate throughout the morning and cook parts of the meal progressively so that it’s all ready to eat when you take your break. I don’t spend my lunch breaks cooking my hot lunches - I spend that time eating them. Eg at 11am (or even before logging in for work) peel veg / prep spices or whatever. Put on a load of rice an hour later. Half an hour before eating, if not on a call, someone chucks the veg in the pan and lets it cook. 1pm the break arrives, you plate up and spend the actual break eating your hot lunch. Not slaving by the stove. Not catering to Mr Bread-makes-me-bloated.

I don't think people are winding you up - my son had a kids kitchen tower (they're a thing, you can google) as a toddler, and was chopping up vegetables to 'help' with the cooking. It sounds like you've been your kids' skivvy all their lives (and your husband's?), and now you're paying the price.

Not sure autism is where I would go for this but I think plenty of posters have told you what they think on this matter. I'm inclined to agree with them. To more important matters - you. Having read your posts about feeling exhausted. It sounds like you are doing lions share of home stuff and have a demanding job. If you feel there is a change and this is worse than perhaps it was in the past definitely go and see your GP. Not sure your age but it could be thyroid, peri/menopause etc. The other thing I picked up on was you saying that you felt exhausted after socialising. Maybe you could be neurodiverse. Or alternatively an introvert. Speaking as an introvert there is no shame at all in feeling drained after being with people. Sounds like they were his friends as well not yours. Be kind to yourself, stand up to husband, do less and go and see your GP and tell them what you've told us. Also I would have said a lot worse to your husband if he was mine so anyone who said you were being petty really hadn't read your OP properly in my opinion. He needed pulling up. Some women are so programmed to be subservient to men they love telling other women off for not doing it. Mumsnet is full of misogynistic women. Its an actual crying shame!

You tell him as someone who works full time, you and his Dad don't have time to cook curry for lunch. But he could help you or your DH batch cook some tonight, to eventually take over cooking a couple of nights a week. He'll get to understand how labour intensive cooking everyday can be. Does he not even know how to do stir fries? You're doing him no favours.

I'm my DD's childcare. My 11 year old Granddaughter made lunches for her and her sister, because I'd managed to slip on their stairs, during the Easter break. Her and her 9 year old sister can make sausage rolls and use the airfryer/microwave. My generation were all cooking from 11, we did home education at school and were the latch key generation. My youngest DD, who has LDs and went to a SEN school started doing cookery and at 14 did work experience in Costa. At home she baked. At 16 she started on a catering course and in pizza hut. You do realise that 16 is an age to start in Macdonalds? At your son's age my DD could have quite easily batch cooked curry. She made roast dinners, cakes etc. Don't go part time to become chef cook and bottle washer. Start conversations, take time off over summer if you need to. Your son can learn to cook from YouTube etc.

You say I’m busy and I’m not the cook general. At 16 he should be able to make a curry himself, my sons had a wide repertoire of meals they could cook by that age and my 16 year old great nephew is the same. He brought a delicious home made pudding to Easter lunch.

Maybe read the OP's posts?

To help reset your expectations, here' my timeline of learning to cook.

Age 5, responsible for making morning tea for my grandmother when she visited and taking it upstairs to her.

Age 7, making own breakfast; light help in the kitchen (mainly things like washing and chopping veg and washing up).

Age 9, able to make simple dishes alone - soup, quiche, pizza, macaroni cheese, rice pudding (from scratch, not ready meals and packets). Became homely responsible for pancake day dinner - savoury and sweet pancake courses.

Age 11 making own after school snacks, and lunches during school holidays, helped with cooking dinners. For my mum's birthday I made her a victoria sponge and decorated it with handmade sugar flowers as a surprise.

Age 13, my mum was a single parent doing shift work so I cooked my own dinners every other week. Learned to gut, fillet and cook whole fish. Allowed to work with boiling sugar - caramel, jam.

Age 16, would have friends round (or go to theirs) and cook multi-course 'dinner party' meals for 4-6 people or made-from scratch pizza parties. Equal share of family cooking. Started to get creative with things like elderflower sylabub, a cake I saw on Masterchef (which has become my signature cake), experimenting with ideas like deep frying herbs in beaten egg to make fancy croutons.

Age 18, catered my own 18th birthday party (cocktail snacks - blinis, mini filo parcels etc). Moved out to university and became fully self sufficient.

Age 20, catered own birthday dinner party,, 14 people, 3 courses, starter was individual souffles.

So yes - a mid teen can make their own lunch. And switch the washing machine on unsupervised. At 16 he's only a couple of years from university and having to fend for himself. He need to learn these skills, fast.

This sounds like a massive “mountain out of a molehill” situation. I snapped at my husband this morning too. He was very annoying, but I shouldn’t have snapped. He apologised for what he did wrong, I apologised for snapping. Job done, move on.

So, I hope your brought your teenage boy to English dictionary and I apologise whole heartedly for the ageist heathen I have raised. 😂

Part boil rice till almost cooked, still a bit firm, leave to cool, do not rinse. Leave in fridge for at least an hour.

Chop chicken into strips and marinate in teriyaki marinade in fridge for at least 6 hours. He suggests the blue dragon one is nicest.

Fry chicken over medium to high heat with as little extra virgin olive oil as you can get away with without it sticking. Once mostly cooked, add finely sliced carrot sticks, roughly chopped spring onions, water chestnuts and bamboo shoots. Last 2 he uses tinned. Continue to fry until they go a bit limp. Remove chicken, leave veg in and push veg to back of pan.

At this point we had an infuriating conversation where I tried to nail down amounts and got met with 'Idk, SOME. More than a bit but not a lot.' So you'll have to guess.

Take cold rice and dump in with veg. Add finely chopped, pre cooked, unsmoked gammon or really firm thick ham. Add 2 tablespoons of dark soy sauce. Stir until its all really hot. Shove to back of pan. Get front of pan super hot (I think he means offset it from the burner so front side is hotter)

Crack eggs into bowl, add salt, pepper and beat. Tilting pan with one hand so it doesn't run back into the other stuff, add egg. Don't stir. When the edge starts to go omelettey, use fish slice to sort of cut that edge off and push to back with other stuff. Don't rush or it will go scrambledy.

Once egg is all cooked and pushed in, toss it all together. Add 2 big spoonfuls of the teriyaki marinade and mix in.

Leave cooking over a low heat. Stir regularly. Stick chicken in an oven dish and drizzle over teriyaki sauce. Not to be confused with marinade. Again, blue dragon. Put in oven at 'quite high' 180 - 200 ish I'm guessing. Leave in until top goes gummy or crispy however you want it. Check rice and add more soy sauce to flavour if it needs it.

Dish up rice, arrange chicken on top 'so it looks proper pro.'

He also suggested if she's like you mum, she should start with a wok not a pan as it's easier to keep the egg separate so if she messes it up and it scrambles, she can scoop it out and try again.

I asked what he meant by like me and he very awkwardly back pedalled and came out with the gem 'well its harder to learn new stuff when you're older.' I told him to bugger off and do his homework, quick, while he still knows everything. Cheeky little sod! 😂

Pasta on the hob at 8.... yeah? Why not, nowadays its more supernoodles in the microwave but still they could do basic meals. Pasta and sauce, scrambled eggs on toast etc.....

G&ts..... well any spirit and mixers, mine loved playing barmaids when younger once they were shown how to measure etc. Now the oldest is a master cocktail maker. the youngest would happily get a beer and get the lid off before she was 6. Its what kids do, its how we prepare them for life.

Is there a cultural element that sees kids/boys mollycoddled, I am asking that as a genuine question btw.

When mine were 7 they LOVED putting stuff in the oven. They thought it was great fun. Kids are weird

But. It was perfect for teaching them how to be safe. Wearing oven gloves, not touching hot surfaces, etc and food safety - pre heating the oven, making sure food is properly cooked and so on.

If you start basic cooking and cleaning tasks when they are very young they love helping and learning. Then by the time they are teenagers they know exactly how everything works and they haven't grown up thinking it's all mum's job so they crack on and do their share because it's normal . As it should be.

I must have misread. I thought he was the last of 4 for some reason.

Should be a doddle then! We have GCSE exams in year 10 here as well and DD is still engaging in household tasks and applying for Saturday jobs.

What was your plan for readying your son for the world exactly?

I was living independently when I was 15 - in another country as an exchange student. The host family had fallen through, so the organisation just gave me a flat and someone dropped by once per month to leave me some money for food. I didn't even have a phone. Of course I did my own shopping, cooking, laundry, cleaning etc. Sure was just half a year, but still.

I’ve been saying mine could happily live in the woods for quite some time. 😂

Actually, air cadets have taught her to cook on a camping stove too.

Sharp knives are safer than blunt. Mine was using hammers and screwdrivers to help as well (and ladders). All supervised, of course.

How were your other children parented?

Photos would be outing but I’ve a video of her making beer with her dad when she was 16 months old. She takes an active part in every stage (and has done many times since).

A video at 3.5 making her own scrambled eggs on the hob (supervised but she was in control).

She can make pizza from scratch, several pasta dishes, most kinds of eggs, her dad taught her to make bread long before lockdown. She’s grown potatoes in the garden and knows how to do jackets or boiled spuds. She’s a dab hand at cakes of all
kinds and is now getting into chopped salads.

She stayed up until I had submitted my degree dissertation last year (she was nearly 15) so that she could pour a glass of Prosecco for me to celebrate.

And it’s not hard to pour gin into a measure and over ice and lime and pour a small can of tonic over it.

What’s the point of having kids if you can’t teach them to do nice stuff for you?

No, we're really not winding you up.

You are in a massive minority, still doing everything for your 16 year old DS.

He doesn't need to 'learn' how to make a sandwich, surely it's obvious!

But yes, definitely teach him a few easy recipes, and your DH can too when it's his turn to cook.

And get him doing some chores- vacuuming and dishes are easy.

I don't think it's fair to ask DC to sort his own meals during exam period with two parents at home. That can wait until exams are over.

In the meantime you divide the meal slots up evenly btw you and DH. Whoever is in charge can decide which meal they do for everyone in their slot. One hot meal a day, the other meal is sandwiches and cereal for breakfast.

You’re just shooting yourself in the face doing that though and bowing to the patriarchy. Total own goal. Reduced to a housekeeper.

My maternal grandmother was no housewife in the 1950s. She was working full time before, during and after having 5 children. You can be damn sure my grandfather wasn’t sitting back demanding eggs and toast.

Mine was using sharp knives (under supervision) safely at 4, cooking pancakes on the hob at 4. Made her first loaf of bread entirely unaided at 7. Now at 15 she is essentially capable of living independently.

If you treat kids like kids all their lives, however will they learn to become adults?