To say 'make your own breakfast' to Husband

We all get our own breakfasts and lunches even if we are all home unless 2 of us want the same thing (four adults one child) either dh or I get the child’s meals.
Dinners I make 4 dh makes 3
You were wrong to snap you maybe need to be more proactive to avoid the martyr approach. “I’ll do breakfast, you sort lunch” sort of thing

I do sympathise with your feeling exhausted but do you think perhaps you need to all do a calm objective sit down sort out, including the kids, on who does what when? The tea/coffee thing I find ridiculous. I am a coffee drinker, late husband only ever drank tea and we made hot drinks for each other without any problem. can your 16 YO not do his own hot chocolate and make tea and coffee at the same time? You are in an up to your arse in alligators moment but you can sort this.

Well that's entirely your choice. Few people have time to break off from work in the middle of the day long enough to make a full cooked lunch for everyone. And while it's very nice that your son likes hot food, at his age if he likes it that much, he can make it himself. I bet he'd soon rediscover a taste for sandwiches. You're setting up unrealistic expectations and then surprised when it all gets too much. If you want this kind of menu, you could take turns cooking curries for dinner and have the leftovers for lunch the next day instead. And everyone gets their own breakfast whatever it is. No need for anyone to be martyring or exploiting.

I tell DS he has to get his own laundry bag downstairs on a saturday and load the machine then call one of us to set it to start the wash

Seriously? Can't he even switch a washing machine on? It's hardly difficult. You really need to stop actinhg like he is 6 years old and show him how to do things for himself.

My 10yo granddaughter was living with me full-time, and now part-time. We established what she was able and allowed to do in the kitchen, i.e., not allowed to use the stove/oven w/out me there. She makes sandwiches (pb&j, turkey), or warm up leftovers in the microwave for lunches or snacks, even packs her own lunch If she doesn't want school lunch that day. She rinses her dishes and puts them in the d/w.

She also has chores, but knows how to vacuum, clean the bathroom, change her sheets, etc. I guess the point is if you've not taught your son basic kitchen, laundry and cleaning skills he's going to be at a disadvantage. And if you're doing all of this for him at 16, he may likely think a woman will be doing, or arranging for all this to be done. Not something to be proud of.

When lockdown happened, I had just come out of hospital after emergency surgery and had to rest all day. I had 1 sixth former, 1 uni student, 1 working DC and 1 DH all at home. I told them all, I will provide dinner in the evening every day, other than that, lunches, breakfasts, drinks etc. are down to you. We still keep to this system now, you might find this approach works for you @OneThingAfterTheOther

Ps I don’t think you were wrong for snapping!

I tell DS he has to get his own laundry bag downstairs on a saturday and load the machine then call one of us to set it to start the wash

Go wild and show him what button to press ... teach a man to fish and all that!

Just because you have hot lunches instead of sandwiches, your 16 year old should still be able to reheat last night's dinner and boil some rice.

It's like you don't believe that teenagers are allowed to use household appliances.

Can your teenager really not make a sandwich or a hot chocolate or get thier own snacks?

There's no reward for being a martyr. I'd have told your husband to make his own fucking breakfast too.

Er yeah!

My mid teen, is neurodiverse, has a mild visual impairment and loves to cook for himself. Even uses his legs to walk to the shop to get the ingredients if we haven’t got what he wants in!

Please don’t let yours grow up thinking that it’s women’s work..

Yes, my DD14 made French toast for lunch the other day and brought me some too. She has learning difficulties but can feed herself. Have some easy food - noodles, sandwich fillings, eggs etc and have him make his own.

If you do it all for him, he’ll never learn for himself or understand what a total pain it is to be constantly feeding other people.

Your 16 year old can make their own snacks!! My almost 12 year old will sort herself some toast, a toastie, some noodles etc.

You’ll be bringing up the next generation of men expecting women to do everything for them.

I dont think you're being wrong for snapping. You asked if your husband wanted breakfast and he changed his mind. He sounds like he doesnt appreciate your time and is treating you a bit like hes skivvy.

My two year old makes hes own sandwhich at nursery so im sure your teenage will be capable of making one. In my household growing up we had to make our own lunch at secondary school.

Totally agree.

Your 16 year old should be making his breakfast snacks and lunch himself by now!! In two years he could be out there fending for himself somewhere he needs to be set up for this now. If not he'll just turn into another manchild!

Do it - tell them to sort themselves out from now on.

There is no reason for you to be treating your son like he is royalty and you are his servant.

It is insane. Do you wait for the call to go wipe his arse for him when he is in the toilet too?

My ex-husband would always sort himself out with food, snacks, coffees etc and if he was making it for himself, he'd never ask if anyone else wanted anything. Would have been annoyed if I'd done the same though. It IS annoying when you're the default for all the cooking and chores and basically find yourself operating as an unpaid housemaid. These things grind you down over time.

Well, stop cooking lunch and snacks for a start. Everyone, including the teen gets their own sandwich and fruit and tea and biscuits. Three adults in the house-so take turns to get dinner. And the not “risking” a takeaway is bonkers.

I know, it's really very strange.

What? He's 16. Why can't he set it away?

Yes. They get their own breakfast too and have done since early teens. By 15 they also took a turn in the week to cook dinner for everyone. They clean up if they make a mess too.

Boys. I have boys. They also iron, put on a load of laundry, vacuum and always offer to make coffee or bring a cold drink if they are getting a snack or drink for themselves.

Your son will be just like his dad if you don't make him get his own food.
I have 4 boys the oldest ones are 22, 19, 17 I make their main meal in the evening but anything other than that, the stuffs in the fridge, freezer, cupboards ect help yourself. My 22yr old has moved out now and he is managing just fine.
Edited to say they've done their own breakfast / snacks etc from 12yrs old bc I refuse to raise men that cannot do basic life skills like getting their own food, cleaning etc.