To say 'make your own breakfast' to Husband

Do it then, what is stopping you?

I’ve got the 7 year old making her own toast, and if the stove wasn’t a bit temperamental she would be scrambling eggs too.

I don’t understand why you can’t teach (write down instructions and pop them on the wall?!) your son how to turn the washing machine on?

you’ve really painted yourself into a corner where you are maid to your son and husband. Take back control “you are cooking twice this week” “I’m doing the shop what ingredients do you need? Or will you stop via the supermarket on Tues & Thurs?” Then just don’t step in to fix it.

start your son cooking twice a week (along side you for now) with the aim that in 8 weeks from now you expect him to cook twice.

theb when your bloody FIL comes to visit take yourself upstairs for a lie down (or phone a friend ) and if FIL says anything you reply “oh in this house FIL we all take turns cooking and tonight it’s Husbands/Sons turn, so you’ll need to speak to him directly about that”

A 16 year old should be capable of making this. My brother and I used to make whatever we wanted at that age. I remember cooking curries for my mum for when she finished work. I was never told or made to do it - I chose to.

Tell him it's GYO!

So he can make himself chicken curry or he can make himself a sandwich but don't do it for him. And yes to making sure he cleans up after himself as well.

My kids were packing their own lunches when they were at primary school!

So much burning martyr here...

Get a grip, woman.

Your DS is going to be sorely disappointed when he gets into a relationship if he expects this level of servitude.

My ten year old makes his own lunch

It's not supposed to be a competition as to who does more , who is more tired but time and time again this comes up on MN . Your husband asking you to make eggs shouldn't be a huge deal but being a bit nearly shouldnt result in sulking .
Everybody needs to grow up . And that includes your 16 year old . No point passing exams if he can't make a sandwich for lunch .

so what if 90 year old gets upset? let him get upsset.

My nearly 14 year old and 12 year old makes their own breakfast and will make lunches on the weekend and holidays. Sometimes for all of us, sometimes just for themselves depending on what everyone is doing. They can do a salad, eggs, sandwich, open a tin of soup, cook bacon or sausages or do themselves pasta. They will occasionally bake or cook an evening meal following a recipe although the youngest will need one of us in the room so he can ask if he gets stuck. They have been making tea and coffee for the family for years.

I highly suspected you were of Indian heritage!

Stop doing this for your son - you are literally repeating and reinforcing the pattern that you dislike in your FIL!

Think of your future DIL!

Also - you really need to get some rest because you seem so sensitive about these things that can easily be solved by just not doing them.

Talk to your husband.
Carve out time for yourself so you can rest and relax.
Stop martyring yourself for a 16yo nearly adult male.

The FIL dynamic I understand is more culturally tricky but if he is India and you live in the UK then those would be infrequent interactions. Break the cycle in your own actual life. Said as an African oppressed by very similar cultural norms.

In a nutshell. That boy sounds very spoiled and demanding.

I think, for you, you need to have a think about it all really. I think it's more cultural than anything else. It's not that practical to make currries for one at lunchtime. So you all need to take turns or eat 'western' or make curries for dinner (taking turns) & the left overs are for lunch the next day.

As a family decide how you're going to eat & then sort out something that means you're ALL contributing. 16 year olds (even if male!!)
Can cook, they just need teaching.

Hes living in England, You need to teach him to cook, clean, operate the washing machine if you want him to have a happy relationship in the uk. & given English is the only language he speaks (what a shame) he's pretty limited in finding a wife/domestic in another country!

maybe get his legs used to walking too!!

Exactly, I’m constantly having to remind my teens that lunch is not an exciting meal and a sandwich is standard for most people.

No, don't. When DC asks, say, 'Dad is in charge of lunch.' and go back to WFH. And if he says, Dad isn't doing it, tell him to make himself a sandwich then.

You don't have to leap into chief cook and bottle washer. You have an apple and a piece of cheese. NOTHING for DH.

(This sounds like I'm blaming you. I'm not. This is the age old domestic load of women. RESIST!)

tell him to stop being so fucking rude

You tell him that yes, it's just a sandwich.

Would you be doing all this if he was a girl?

You're mollycoddling him, time to prepare him for the real world.

No you don't need to serve anyone. Your conflict aversion is ridiculous and what you're doing for a 91yo is being repeated through the generations making a 16yo think women are there to cater for their poor ikkle hungry tummies. Do you really want to make this boy into the kind of husband who expects his wife to do all this shit? Ffs get a grip and start acting like you're an equal to them.

My kids have been able to sort themselves and cook basic meals like pasta from age 10 🤐

YES! How do you think they will survive uni in a couple of years.

Seriously you’re martyring yourself. You need a new rule where everyone makes their own breakfast/lunch/snacks and drinks.

Why can’t a 15/16 year old cook his own chicken goujons ffs?! Turn on oven, open packet, place on baking tray and put in oven, set timer, put on oven gloves and remove from oven.

Yes, a slow burner for sure.

Surely you say, in this situation, your dad is making your lunch today and leave them to sort it out between them?

As much as I agree with getting the teen to do more, I wouldn’t push work onto the teen because dad is sulking.

haven’t rtft but if you haven’t come across it, look up Fair Play by Eve Rodsky about invisible labour, pink and blue jobs. She also created a card game where you each claim cards representing the jobs you do. It’s a very effective give way to start the discussion, because most men are naturally competitive and want to win more cards, and it’s a very visual demonstration of their laziness.

https://fairplaypolicy.org/the-cards

You tell him a sandwich is a perfectly good lunch and if he wants chicken curry he’ll need to learn how to make it.

My 8 year old can make her own lunch. She makes pasta and sandwiches, and gets her own snacks. She asks to do other stuff but I won't let her use the oven yet.

And hot chocolates using the pods in the coffee machine.

Give yourself a break, op. Let the men fend for themselves a bit more.