To say 'make your own breakfast' to Husband

OneThingAfterTheOther · 2026-04-24T08:48:37+00:00

We do manage to share the load of chores as both work FT and one high schooler DC to drop/pick at times from activities. But with DC home with school exams , I found myself doing all the cooking and washing straight for the past 4 days after a weekend that was equally busy with dinner out with friends of DH on a Sunday late night. I think with DC home , it meant making 4 meals a day on time whilst normally we do late meals and easy meals while working. We were both worried about ordering out as DC had a bug just last week and we didnt want to chance it with exams with takeout food etc. I was also tutoring DC as requested to by DH on a subject I am more familiar /expert in for his exam this week. DC off to school this morning and I went for a mini lie down before logging into WFH. Was getting myself eggs and toast when DH goes ' Can I get some toast and eggs too' I had previously this morning told him I am exhausted after the past four days and do have work today just like he does. And can he make the lunch today, for which DC will be home for. To which he appeared to just smirk and laugh it off ' OH im in charge of lunch eh' I snapped when he asked for breakfast and said get your own breakfast rudely. He was shocked as that is a rare for me to do. At worst I would say ' I am so sorry, no time, office call in two mins, here have half mine' etc AIBU to lose it and snap ? I didnt feel I could snap when DC around on study leave the past week, but it building up a bit DH said ' but I did car pool run this morning and groceries' I have said this a gazillion times but I can order from Asda/tesco the weekly shop and do a better job of it without picking only markdowns and almost expired items half the time. And the car pool drop is two minutes by car after I sorted DC ready to go.

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 27/04/2026 13:14

OneThingAfterTheOther · 27/04/2026 09:35

Not sure if that was game playing or just moody inconsistent behaviour, hard to say really.....

After my tearful breakdown yesterday morning (partly just worry about DS having a tummy bug during exams now) - H and I talked and he said he will be doing the cooking this whole week (already batch cooked quite a bit yesterday and appears to be doing more this morn) - he said it a bit like ' I can do all the cooking this week, no biggie, no drama....' harumph :-)

He was cooking this morning while chatting to FIL and mentioned making breakfast as if he does it everyday, not just today after my tearfulness yesterday haha .....and FIL was all like very good , yes as if that was perfectly reasonable for a husband to cook half the time when wife works - but if DH were to say, I will never cook again another day as I AM MAN regardless of whether the little woman works as well or not - I can see FIL nodding along reasonably to that as well. He might be sad about it if it was his daughter rather than DIL tho. Thats a whole other in law rant though isnt it, and a global phenomena from what I read all the time on here.

Isn't there 2 weeks until GCSEs start? I know my SD's first exam is a BTEC and that's next week, but it's the fortnight after that when she's really in the thick of it and then she has a few dotted around until mid June. A stomach bug very rarely lasts longer than 48 hours.

Exams should be all finished by the end of June and he will have 2 whole months before starting 6th form. This is his time to really work on life skills. If he can get a job in a hotel or restaurant kitchen then he will quickly learn some cooking and cleaning skills and earn a bit of money to save towards Uni or enjoy now.

LizzieSiddal · 27/04/2026 12:17

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 26/04/2026 22:39

It's not about him eating, it's about the fact that he's functioning at the age of around 8 based on your description of him. It's not his fault at all, it's 100% yours and your husband's fault. He needs and deserves for you to step up now and start treating him like a 16 yo, soon to be an adult, and make him take responsibility for himself. At a bare minimum, at 16, he should be able to:

-Make his own breakfast and lunch
-Do a full load of laundry, including switching it on himself, drying it and putting it away
-Make a meal for the family once in a while
-Clean up after cooking
-Keep his own space (bedroom, bathroom if he has his own) clean and tidy

And if he can't, you really need to teach him, straight away.

Show quote history

Agree so much with this.

When my DDs left home for uni at 18, I made sure they could do all of the above, plus make a full roast lunch and be competent in 4 other of their favourite recipes.

If I had had sons I’d have been even more insistent on developing their “domestic” skills because I wouldn’t want them leaving home thinking it was someone else’s job to facilitate their eating/cleaning/laundry etc for the rest of their lives.

Your son is 16, it isn’t too late for him to develop these important life skills. It’s in your and your H’s hands.

SethBrogan · 27/04/2026 11:57

Honestly OP that is a ridiculous amount of constant cooking for three people. It sounds like one of you is constantly in the kitchen! And on a related note, how are you able to work FT and be cooking such elaborate dishes every morning and lunchtime?

And the way you speak about your son is a bit strange to me. You talk about him like he’s a child. Why are you tearful because he’s got a stomach upset? Why has that thrown your whole weekend? He’s 16! He’ll be absolutely fine - you don’t need to hover around him because he’s under the weather. Why are you tying yourself up in knots over all this?

OnGoldenPond · 27/04/2026 10:13

OneThingAfterTheOther · 27/04/2026 09:35

Not sure if that was game playing or just moody inconsistent behaviour, hard to say really.....

After my tearful breakdown yesterday morning (partly just worry about DS having a tummy bug during exams now) - H and I talked and he said he will be doing the cooking this whole week (already batch cooked quite a bit yesterday and appears to be doing more this morn) - he said it a bit like ' I can do all the cooking this week, no biggie, no drama....' harumph :-)

He was cooking this morning while chatting to FIL and mentioned making breakfast as if he does it everyday, not just today after my tearfulness yesterday haha .....and FIL was all like very good , yes as if that was perfectly reasonable for a husband to cook half the time when wife works - but if DH were to say, I will never cook again another day as I AM MAN regardless of whether the little woman works as well or not - I can see FIL nodding along reasonably to that as well. He might be sad about it if it was his daughter rather than DIL tho. Thats a whole other in law rant though isnt it, and a global phenomena from what I read all the time on here.

The big “I’ll do ALL the cooking this week!” gesture is all very well, but sounds quite likely it’s a performative one off to placate you and he doesn’t really think he has done anything wrong. Especially with the showing off to his DF about what a great helpful husband he is - sounds like a bit of a passive aggressive dig at you for not doing your “wifely duty” possibly. You would know more about the tone used.

The test will be if he keeps up the effort long term. Somehow I doubt it. The only way forward will be to just stop cooking for both of them and point to the fridge when they start bleating. Your DH is a grown man FGS, he won’t starve. Perhaps give your DS some coaching in how to prepare simple lunches if he really is clueless, but then let him get on with it. He will likely be living independently at uni in 2 years, he needs to learn this stuff!

Good luck OP, don’t let these two make you their servant.

SpryTaupeTurtle · 27/04/2026 09:39

OneThingAfterTheOther · 27/04/2026 09:35

Not sure if that was game playing or just moody inconsistent behaviour, hard to say really.....

After my tearful breakdown yesterday morning (partly just worry about DS having a tummy bug during exams now) - H and I talked and he said he will be doing the cooking this whole week (already batch cooked quite a bit yesterday and appears to be doing more this morn) - he said it a bit like ' I can do all the cooking this week, no biggie, no drama....' harumph :-)

He was cooking this morning while chatting to FIL and mentioned making breakfast as if he does it everyday, not just today after my tearfulness yesterday haha .....and FIL was all like very good , yes as if that was perfectly reasonable for a husband to cook half the time when wife works - but if DH were to say, I will never cook again another day as I AM MAN regardless of whether the little woman works as well or not - I can see FIL nodding along reasonably to that as well. He might be sad about it if it was his daughter rather than DIL tho. Thats a whole other in law rant though isnt it, and a global phenomena from what I read all the time on here.

Your husband should be taking a bigger share of cooking and cleaning going forward - it should not take a crisis where you are exhausted to get him to step up.

Original poster

OneThingAfterTheOther · 27/04/2026 09:35

Not sure if that was game playing or just moody inconsistent behaviour, hard to say really.....

After my tearful breakdown yesterday morning (partly just worry about DS having a tummy bug during exams now) - H and I talked and he said he will be doing the cooking this whole week (already batch cooked quite a bit yesterday and appears to be doing more this morn) - he said it a bit like ' I can do all the cooking this week, no biggie, no drama....' harumph :-)

He was cooking this morning while chatting to FIL and mentioned making breakfast as if he does it everyday, not just today after my tearfulness yesterday haha .....and FIL was all like very good , yes as if that was perfectly reasonable for a husband to cook half the time when wife works - but if DH were to say, I will never cook again another day as I AM MAN regardless of whether the little woman works as well or not - I can see FIL nodding along reasonably to that as well. He might be sad about it if it was his daughter rather than DIL tho. Thats a whole other in law rant though isnt it, and a global phenomena from what I read all the time on here.

OP posts:

OnGoldenPond · 27/04/2026 07:55

OneThingAfterTheOther · 24/04/2026 10:01

When I asked him before I started making mine he said no thanks when I was taking mine off the stove, he came and said can you do mine too

Yes I do feel like I was petty, and he did look very shocked

Show quote history

In that case, as you offered when it would have been easy to just do double quantities and he refused, you are quite justified to be annoyed that he changes his mind and wants you to do him a portion from scratch.

That’s an odd thing for DH to do and sounds like game playing to me. Does he often do things like that.

You need to stop running around after these people who are old enough to sort themselves out. Everyone should be sorting out their own breakfast and lunch and then taking it in turns to prepare the evening meal. That includes your DC, but maybe he gets a temporary pass while he is in the middle of exams.

SixtySomething · 27/04/2026 00:36

ABG0 · 25/04/2026 11:09

Sometimes Mumsnet just isn't the place to post. This woman is clearly exhausted and utterly fed up. It's not about how much extra time & effort it would have taken. It was the straw that broke her. The lack of basic emotional intelligence and compassion on this platform makes me despair at times.

Unfortunately, I think it’s worse than that.
I don’t think there’s necessarily anything wrong with people’s EI. It looks to me that people enjoy having a go BECAUSE they realise she’s at her wits end.
Sad to say. 😢

SpryTaupeTurtle · 26/04/2026 22:50

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 26/04/2026 22:39

It's not about him eating, it's about the fact that he's functioning at the age of around 8 based on your description of him. It's not his fault at all, it's 100% yours and your husband's fault. He needs and deserves for you to step up now and start treating him like a 16 yo, soon to be an adult, and make him take responsibility for himself. At a bare minimum, at 16, he should be able to:

-Make his own breakfast and lunch
-Do a full load of laundry, including switching it on himself, drying it and putting it away
-Make a meal for the family once in a while
-Clean up after cooking
-Keep his own space (bedroom, bathroom if he has his own) clean and tidy

And if he can't, you really need to teach him, straight away.

Show quote history

At 16 I could certainly operate a washing machine. I could make my own breakfast and lunch. Don't think I ever made a full meal for my family either - but I cooked my own dinners a lot after a certain age. My mum was a single parent and she worked so we didn't eat all at the same time

I don't think my wee brother ever cooked when he lived at home but when he moved out he used to come to my mums once a week and cook her a meal. For years

I take my mum out as much as I can because I appreciate her and I maybe didn't appreciate her enough when I was in my teens

I actually went veggie at 16 and my stock lunch for school was rolls and cheese with green pepper. Took me two minutes to make

ButterYellowHair · 26/04/2026 22:50

OneThingAfterTheOther · 26/04/2026 19:01

I could always do an hour to two a day on top of office work in my 20s and 30s...I am not even 'just 40' anymore ...I am mid 40s.....just not what I was after 5.30pm.....

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Sickness is caused by viruses or bacteria or other pathogens. Not by mums feeling tired and talking about their feelings anonymously.

99bottlesofkombucha · 26/04/2026 22:48

Kids do get ill op, this is nothing to do with your personal discovery that you’re not a slave. I spend a bit of time trying to think about how to feed my oldest, who’s only 10 but quite sporty and eats a lot. That does not mean I allow him to demand hot meals for lunch, and I’m a better mum for teaching him he doesn’t rule the house than I would be if I made him the hot meals because he wanted them.

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 26/04/2026 22:39

OneThingAfterTheOther · 26/04/2026 18:58

Hey my gas/electric was 145£ last month, is that high? Its a large house and I miss when we lived in a cosy two bed apt up and till a few years ago. will downsize in two years if not sooner

So H cooked up a storm today and I have put it all in the fridge and frozen some of it too

No cooking for a week

But I feel guilty now that I came on here to whinge about H and somehow it became more about how much son has been asking for to eat - as hes actually very skinny and not a big eater historically - and now has not been able to eat with this stomch bug the whole day , have had to give some more medication just now (loperamide). Like I ill wished him or something just by whingeing about cooking for him :-( i know its crazy silly

Maybe God really is a man and part of the patriarchy too....sorry, just a bit down that DS is sick....

Edited

It's not about him eating, it's about the fact that he's functioning at the age of around 8 based on your description of him. It's not his fault at all, it's 100% yours and your husband's fault. He needs and deserves for you to step up now and start treating him like a 16 yo, soon to be an adult, and make him take responsibility for himself. At a bare minimum, at 16, he should be able to:

-Make his own breakfast and lunch
-Do a full load of laundry, including switching it on himself, drying it and putting it away
-Make a meal for the family once in a while
-Clean up after cooking
-Keep his own space (bedroom, bathroom if he has his own) clean and tidy

And if he can't, you really need to teach him, straight away.

Original poster

OneThingAfterTheOther · 26/04/2026 19:01

SpryTaupeTurtle · 26/04/2026 16:51

No - that wasn't me. Yes. It's easy to fall into habits. Don't let people make you feel that it's your role to do everything - because it really isn't. There are too many women who work full of part time and take up most of the slack when it comes to housework /caring.

I wrote a uni essay about this last year. It's referred to as time poverty. Women on average spend 30 minutes - 2 hours a day on things like cooking cleaning, caring and that's often on top of work - that's worldwide

And it's more pronounced when theres kids in the family

Show quote history

I could always do an hour to two a day on top of office work in my 20s and 30s...I am not even 'just 40' anymore ...I am mid 40s.....just not what I was after 5.30pm.....

OP posts:

Original poster

OneThingAfterTheOther · 26/04/2026 18:58

Hey my gas/electric was 145£ last month, is that high? Its a large house and I miss when we lived in a cosy two bed apt up and till a few years ago. will downsize in two years if not sooner

So H cooked up a storm today and I have put it all in the fridge and frozen some of it too

No cooking for a week

But I feel guilty now that I came on here to whinge about H and somehow it became more about how much son has been asking for to eat - as hes actually very skinny and not a big eater historically - and now has not been able to eat with this stomch bug the whole day , have had to give some more medication just now (loperamide). Like I ill wished him or something just by whingeing about cooking for him :-( i know its crazy silly

Maybe God really is a man and part of the patriarchy too....sorry, just a bit down that DS is sick....

OP posts:

MachineBee · 26/04/2026 17:41

ItTook9Years · 25/04/2026 20:12

Your employer is highly unlikely to agree you working 3.5 days a week.

And it’s insane to a) drop a decent portion of your salary to basically skivvy after two lazy men and b) to take the hit on pension and career progression when your son will be moving out soon enough.

Why are you so resistant to demanding your DH step up? He has zero excuse. He’s not studying, he has all the body tasks required to learn and do things. If he took a fair share of the load off you, your life and energy would improve no end.

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Totally agree with this.

SpryTaupeTurtle · 26/04/2026 17:30

CombatBarbie · 26/04/2026 16:54

Totally random question, how much is your gas/electric bill with so much cooking!!!

That did cross my mind today :)

CombatBarbie · 26/04/2026 16:54

Totally random question, how much is your gas/electric bill with so much cooking!!!

SpryTaupeTurtle · 26/04/2026 16:51

OneThingAfterTheOther · 26/04/2026 16:43

were you 'Sprycat' before name change @SpryTaupeTurtle .....I have had advice from you, before, if so, before my own recent name change to not be outing with friends on here (not sure if that works really).

I just need to take more of the good advice I get seriously

No - that wasn't me. Yes. It's easy to fall into habits. Don't let people make you feel that it's your role to do everything - because it really isn't. There are too many women who work full of part time and take up most of the slack when it comes to housework /caring.

I wrote a uni essay about this last year. It's referred to as time poverty. Women on average spend 30 minutes - 2 hours a day on things like cooking cleaning, caring and that's often on top of work - that's worldwide

And it's more pronounced when theres kids in the family

SpryTaupeTurtle · 26/04/2026 16:43

OneThingAfterTheOther · 26/04/2026 16:39

Exactly @SpryTaupeTurtle .....

Turns out DS unfortunately really has fallen sick today , very worrying as floppy , tired and not eating , only sipping water and on paracetamol, temps down now though and the stomach seems to have settled since morning gradually. No rash, no stiffness of neck (Still anxious about meningitis after the kent outbreak)

I think hes very worried about not getting well by tuesday for the next exam.

SO much for home cooked food 24/7 to keep the bugs away during exam season

I went to Asda today as H had forgotten too many things yesterday and bought stuff we didnt need and came back in a rush yesterday from the shops for a work project he has been doing over the weekend as it is overdue (not thrilled by this)

So I went today and got loads of soups, breads, pasta, sauces, finger food snacks and veg that can be eaten as finger food with dips. I am set to feed three ppl with very little 'cooking from scratch' this week but still staying on the right side of healthy eating

H did make a curry just now to freeze/fridge for the next few days ahead , meanwhile.

We are cooking and eating way too much has been my main learning from the thread to start with, even before coming to the point of fair division

Edited

Well that's something. Hopefully your son will feel better by Tuesday and your husband will take on more of the cooking going forward - and then you can have some sort of rota for cleaning as well

Original poster

OneThingAfterTheOther · 26/04/2026 16:43

were you 'Sprycat' before name change @SpryTaupeTurtle .....I have had advice from you, before, if so, before my own recent name change to not be outing with friends on here (not sure if that works really).

I just need to take more of the good advice I get seriously

OP posts:

Original poster

OneThingAfterTheOther · 26/04/2026 16:39

Exactly @SpryTaupeTurtle .....

Turns out DS unfortunately really has fallen sick today , very worrying as floppy , tired and not eating , only sipping water and on paracetamol, temps down now though and the stomach seems to have settled since morning gradually. No rash, no stiffness of neck (Still anxious about meningitis after the kent outbreak)

I think hes very worried about not getting well by tuesday for the next exam.

SO much for home cooked food 24/7 to keep the bugs away during exam season

I went to Asda today as H had forgotten too many things yesterday and bought stuff we didnt need and came back in a rush yesterday from the shops for a work project he has been doing over the weekend as it is overdue (not thrilled by this)

So I went today and got loads of soups, breads, pasta, sauces, finger food snacks and veg that can be eaten as finger food with dips. I am set to feed three ppl with very little 'cooking from scratch' this week but still staying on the right side of healthy eating

H did make a curry just now to freeze/fridge for the next few days ahead , meanwhile.

We are cooking and eating way too much has been my main learning from the thread to start with, even before coming to the point of fair division

OP posts:

SpryTaupeTurtle · 26/04/2026 16:09

Lmnop22 · 26/04/2026 15:32

Even worse. You ought to be able to do nothing for days and have the slack picked up in the family. Jesus.

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I would not wish this on anyone but I had an accident a couple of years ago. Complicated fracture. I live alone and I could do pretty much zero for myself for a couple of months. My mum only lives two bus stops away so she came most days and made me sandwiches.

What would happen if the OP was sick/busy/had an accident/on holiday/out with friends for the day

Obviously the husband could pick up the slack. He's just choosing not to/sulking. Promoting the idea that it's her job to run after them because of culture/tradition?

It's unbelievable to me that she's having to run after them on her days off as well - at the weekend too

Id be launching the dal at the wall and buggering off to the pub/gym/anywhere

Lmnop22 · 26/04/2026 15:32

SpryTaupeTurtle · 26/04/2026 14:34

One kid. One husband who is doing less by the day.

Show quote history

Even worse. You ought to be able to do nothing for days and have the slack picked up in the family. Jesus.

Original poster

OneThingAfterTheOther · 26/04/2026 15:01

Thanks @SpryTaupeTurtle and other posters....

OP posts:

SpryTaupeTurtle · 26/04/2026 14:46

Op. You said something earlier in the thread that it's your husband that is telling you that you need to make meals for your son, I'm sure. That would be fine if his lunches were simple but he's getting home cooked curries. Someone mentioned a slow cooker earlier in the thread. I don't think that's a bad idea but I still don't think the onus should be on you to do all the cooking

Surely if you have or you get a slow cooker your husband can prepare a curry at night and there will be something to eat at lunchtime

Seriously - you and your husband need to split everything and your son needs to pitch in

Your son can make his own sandwich at lunchtime. He does not need chicken curry or rice and dal every lunchtime

He can go in the kitchen and make himself a cheese sandwich or whatever he likes. When I was 16 I used to either get a school dinner or I took a packed lunch and if I took a packed lunch. I made it myself. Including during exam times because back in the day we got no study leave before exams - only in between them

Your husband really should not be pushing you to do all the cooking for him and your son. It's really unfair