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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel deflated after payday despite a decent salary?

530 replies

Wtfisisfor · 24/04/2026 08:04

Do you ever just get paid and think seriously is this it… I got paid this morning 3100 was put into my account, I transferred 1400 to the joint for bills and household expenses. And I’m left with the rest, but when I look at it, I just think, is this it? Anyone else? Just feeling a bit defeated today! I know to some people this is a lot of money. But these days it really doesn’t feel like it. Come and join for a moan

OP posts:
MidnightPatrol · 25/04/2026 09:55

Apprentice26 · 25/04/2026 09:46

I didn’t suggest they were covering anything. They shouldn’t be chipping in towards it.
By the time you reach £100,000 a year, I think it’s safe to say you can pay for yourself.
And cover the services which you use, which actually youre not doing at 100,000 either.

£100k after tax, NI and student loan is just shy of £5,000 a month. £60k a year.

30 free hours + tax free childcare can be worth £15k. Plus child benefit at ~ £3k = £18k in support.

If you earn £62k less tax, NI and student loan you take home £42k a year. Add your £18k of childcare and child benefit and… your ‘take home’ is exactly the same as the £100k earner…

Do you think that is right?

gloopyshoopy · 25/04/2026 09:53

BIossomtoes · 25/04/2026 09:45

Of course they are, the clue is in essential services. How quickly the lessons of Covid have been forgotten. It was entirely due to people in lower paid jobs who went to work every day that the country functioned at all. The contempt for them on the numerous threads like this is really sickening.

My husband was a key worker. As was I. I don't think you really know what your on about and have got yourself whipped up.

Apprentice26 · 25/04/2026 09:52

gloopyshoopy · 25/04/2026 09:50

What are you on about? There is no contempt! People are just stating that if they are paying £30k per annum in tax, then it is unreasonable to withdraw childcare support? Essential services come at all types of salary ranges!? Crikey. This is all very short sighted. Saying the tax system is unreasonably punative is not the same as having contempt.

Edited

So what number do you think you need to earn before you can stand on your own 2 feet and not rely on the state?
What’s acceptable?

gloopyshoopy · 25/04/2026 09:50

BIossomtoes · 25/04/2026 09:45

Of course they are, the clue is in essential services. How quickly the lessons of Covid have been forgotten. It was entirely due to people in lower paid jobs who went to work every day that the country functioned at all. The contempt for them on the numerous threads like this is really sickening.

What are you on about? There is no contempt! People are just stating that if they are paying £30k per annum in tax, then it is unreasonable to withdraw childcare support? Essential services come at all types of salary ranges!? Crikey. This is all very short sighted. Saying the tax system is unreasonably punative is not the same as having contempt.

Apprentice26 · 25/04/2026 09:46

MidnightPatrol · 25/04/2026 09:36

Someone on £27k isn’t paying for anyone else though - their tax paid doesn’t cover the cost of the services they used.

On £120k you pay £40k in tax. On £27k you pay less than £3k.

I’m ok with paying high taxes. I don’t the expect to be excluded from the services these fund though - 97% of parents receiving them, but my having to fund them privately at a five figure cost… incredibly punitive.

I didn’t suggest they were covering anything. They shouldn’t be chipping in towards it.
By the time you reach £100,000 a year, I think it’s safe to say you can pay for yourself.
And cover the services which you use, which actually youre not doing at 100,000 either.

BIossomtoes · 25/04/2026 09:45

gloopyshoopy · 25/04/2026 09:41

@BIossomtoesi think "propping up" is a stretch. Providing essential services that make going to work possible, yes. No argument here that these people are invaluable and should be paid well. My cleaner is paid £20ph though so I don't really know why you've dragged that in. Childcare absolutely is poorly paid. I also pay council tax that includes refused collection. Are those employees propping us all up for providing essential services that they are paid to provide?

Edited

Of course they are, the clue is in essential services. How quickly the lessons of Covid have been forgotten. It was entirely due to people in lower paid jobs who went to work every day that the country functioned at all. The contempt for them on the numerous threads like this is really sickening.

gloopyshoopy · 25/04/2026 09:41

@BIossomtoesi think "propping up" is a stretch. Providing essential services that make going to work possible, yes. No argument here that these people are invaluable and should be paid well. My cleaner is paid £20ph though so I don't really know why you've dragged that in. Childcare absolutely is poorly paid. I also pay council tax that includes refused collection. Are those employees propping us all up for providing essential services that they are paid to provide?

MidnightPatrol · 25/04/2026 09:36

Apprentice26 · 25/04/2026 09:02

I wouldn’t disagree with mean testing all benefits either.
There’s something fundamentally wrong with young people starting out in the world on 27 grand a year having to pay back student finance at £120 a month and then chipping in to pay for some child in West London to attend a nursery whilst its parents go out and feather their nest even further.

Edited

Someone on £27k isn’t paying for anyone else though - their tax paid doesn’t cover the cost of the services they used.

On £120k you pay £40k in tax. On £27k you pay less than £3k.

I’m ok with paying high taxes. I don’t the expect to be excluded from the services these fund though - 97% of parents receiving them, but my having to fund them privately at a five figure cost… incredibly punitive.

BIossomtoes · 25/04/2026 09:32

lovealieinortwo · 25/04/2026 09:30

There’s something fundamentally wrong

Absolutely! the fact people think the person paying 4k in tax a year is propping up the person paying 31k in tax a year is fundamentally wrong 🤦🏻‍♀️

Well they kind of are if they’re looking after their children or cleaning their house.

fundamentallyauthentic · 25/04/2026 09:30

Apprentice26 · 25/04/2026 09:02

I wouldn’t disagree with mean testing all benefits either.
There’s something fundamentally wrong with young people starting out in the world on 27 grand a year having to pay back student finance at £120 a month and then chipping in to pay for some child in West London to attend a nursery whilst its parents go out and feather their nest even further.

Edited

Wrong. That person on £27k would pay back just £15 a month for student loans.

lovealieinortwo · 25/04/2026 09:30

There’s something fundamentally wrong

Absolutely! the fact people think the person paying 4k in tax a year is propping up the person paying 31k in tax a year is fundamentally wrong 🤦🏻‍♀️

BIossomtoes · 25/04/2026 09:25

LlamaBasket · 25/04/2026 08:30

So?

People on NMW should do something about that then. Go back to uni and get a bloody big student loan, that affords them a better job and an additional monthly payment. It’s not the person who worked on progressing themselves fault, that someone else didn’t do the same.

Edited

Yes that would be a really sensible strategy with graduate employment growing and set to continue that way as AI advances. Who does all the jobs that keep the wheels turning and facilitate all these highly paid people?

lovealieinortwo · 25/04/2026 09:24

@Apprentice26

The cost of student finance is a separate topic imo but you do understand someone earning 27k isn’t even paying enough tax to cover their own costs?!

Apprentice26 · 25/04/2026 09:02

lovealieinortwo · 25/04/2026 08:49

@Apprentice26 your adult children pay tax for all sorts of things. Why should someone earning over 100k and paying a lot of tax not benefit from funded childcare?

Or perhaps we should means test all benefits going forward?

I wouldn’t disagree with mean testing all benefits either.
There’s something fundamentally wrong with young people starting out in the world on 27 grand a year having to pay back student finance at £120 a month and then chipping in to pay for some child in West London to attend a nursery whilst its parents go out and feather their nest even further.

gloopyshoopy · 25/04/2026 09:01

Wtfisisfor · 25/04/2026 08:51

Thank you. Yeah I just wanted to say I never said I was poor or broke! I said I felt defeated and deflated. I am well aware that lots of people earn a lot less, that does not negate my feelings at all. I’m allowed to feel the way I feel. And yes I feel grateful about a lot of things too, the feelings are not mutually exclusive tbh. Someone asked what we are saving for. Well to be honest we save for eventual “shit hitting the fan” scenarios seen as we wouldn’t be entitled to much help so we have to do that ourselves.
I was just having a moan…

If you have invested in your career, studied and applied yourself then it is absolutely reasonable that you should be paid more. The fact that the state of the country means NMW leaves people destitute is a separate issue and not one to be levered at the people who earn more than you. Honestly, this week both myself and my husband have easily worked 15/20 hours in excess of our contract hrs and his commute is 3 hrs each way 2/3 times a week. The "grateful you can pay the bills mob" don't see that side of the coin though. Yes all jobs regardless of income are prob v hard work too, but that's the point, we're all getting less and paying more.

Also agree, when you have big outgoings there is a huge sense or responsibility to be ready for the rainy days because you are right, noone is coming to save you!

lovealieinortwo · 25/04/2026 08:54

Frozen thresholds at all levels are causing huge damage to the value of work and people’s quality of life.

I was really annoyed when the Tories frozen bands and really annoyed Labour extended them!

I still work p/t, working anymore hours for me isn’t worth it when it will be all at the higher rate so when I weigh up time lost etc it’s not worth the money.

Wtfisisfor · 25/04/2026 08:51

gloopyshoopy · 25/04/2026 08:45

The predictable race to the bottom comments start early don't they.

So what if OP is in a better position than some? Do we apply to everything? "Oh you had a heart attack, at least you didn't lose your leg". Do we really need to belittle and name call and tell people to give their head a wobble and call people crass. OP might be in the minority with her situation. But she's probably sacrificed huge amounts to get there.

It is absolutely frustrating when you contribute more than some people's full time wage to tax, as OP likely is and you live in a country where that doesn't even guarantee you being able to get a GP appointment.

My family have a similar income OP. The amount of hours worked in our house and stress and sacrifice that come as the trade off for the money do leave you feeling like you don't live the lifestyle that you would expect being in the "better income than 90% of people box". It is extremely disproportionate how much more is taken as your wage increases.

You won't find much kindness or understanding from that 90% though. But you're right, we should ALL be able to afford better lifestyles.

Thank you. Yeah I just wanted to say I never said I was poor or broke! I said I felt defeated and deflated. I am well aware that lots of people earn a lot less, that does not negate my feelings at all. I’m allowed to feel the way I feel. And yes I feel grateful about a lot of things too, the feelings are not mutually exclusive tbh. Someone asked what we are saving for. Well to be honest we save for eventual “shit hitting the fan” scenarios seen as we wouldn’t be entitled to much help so we have to do that ourselves.
I was just having a moan…

OP posts:
gloopyshoopy · 25/04/2026 08:50

malificent7 · 25/04/2026 00:23

You should try living on my wage.

Or maybe you should try improving your wage if you're going to be so flippant in making remarks like this. Cuts both ways.

lovealieinortwo · 25/04/2026 08:49

Apprentice26 · 25/04/2026 08:24

So my adult children should be paying tax to contribute towards somebody earning over £100,000 a year to subsidise their childcare bill ?
I don’t bloody think so

@Apprentice26 your adult children pay tax for all sorts of things. Why should someone earning over 100k and paying a lot of tax not benefit from funded childcare?

Or perhaps we should means test all benefits going forward?

gloopyshoopy · 25/04/2026 08:45

The predictable race to the bottom comments start early don't they.

So what if OP is in a better position than some? Do we apply to everything? "Oh you had a heart attack, at least you didn't lose your leg". Do we really need to belittle and name call and tell people to give their head a wobble and call people crass. OP might be in the minority with her situation. But she's probably sacrificed huge amounts to get there.

It is absolutely frustrating when you contribute more than some people's full time wage to tax, as OP likely is and you live in a country where that doesn't even guarantee you being able to get a GP appointment.

My family have a similar income OP. The amount of hours worked in our house and stress and sacrifice that come as the trade off for the money do leave you feeling like you don't live the lifestyle that you would expect being in the "better income than 90% of people box". It is extremely disproportionate how much more is taken as your wage increases.

You won't find much kindness or understanding from that 90% though. But you're right, we should ALL be able to afford better lifestyles.

LlamaBasket · 25/04/2026 08:37

I have been a teacher in a secondary school. I have watched 15-18 years olds come into lesson, piss arse about, not bother with their work, insist they don’t care and sulk about having to put in a modicum of effort. Be rude. Tell you to F off and generally disrupt their own education.

Then there are teens who work like nobodies business. They are so motivated. They really want to do well. Put in extra time. Give up lunch and after school and appreciate you as their teacher.
They go to uni, get a good job, earn more and then get told to be grateful, because they earn more than the other people.

The world is barking mad - where has accountability gone?

LlamaBasket · 25/04/2026 08:30

Lougle · 25/04/2026 08:08

Right, but your gross salary must be in the region of £6500-£7000 per month? Many people will be on NMW which is ⅓ of that.

So?

People on NMW should do something about that then. Go back to uni and get a bloody big student loan, that affords them a better job and an additional monthly payment. It’s not the person who worked on progressing themselves fault, that someone else didn’t do the same.

Apprentice26 · 25/04/2026 08:24

lovealieinortwo · 25/04/2026 07:39

Funded childcare should be universal imo

So my adult children should be paying tax to contribute towards somebody earning over £100,000 a year to subsidise their childcare bill ?
I don’t bloody think so

TheVoiceOfReason91 · 25/04/2026 08:21

Tbh depending on where you live is what would make it a good amount to have left or not
In my area to have that amount left after paying everything you would be considered well off but in some areas like Chelsea you would need that for your weekly shop
Imy basic take home pay is around 2200 I pay out on all bills around 1900-2000 so my basic month is tight but if I get a bonus which takes my take home pay to around 2500 then we can live like royalty for a couple of weeks before tightening back up

Lougle · 25/04/2026 08:08

thinkofsomethingdifferent · 24/04/2026 09:37

My stoppages this month. I can only hope I reach to pension age so I can get back some of what I put in. And my student loan doesn’t seem to have budged in years.

Right, but your gross salary must be in the region of £6500-£7000 per month? Many people will be on NMW which is ⅓ of that.