Inheritance to grandchildren bypassing children

Generally leaving money directly to GC has been done in more wealthy circles where the estate is very large and ample to leave large amounts to DC and also reasonably generous amounts to GC, the faithful butler and housekeeper etc. it may also be done if the DC are very wealthy and may even have requested it go directly to GC as they don’t need it. If neither of these apply, I would assume the person making that will just doesn’t like their DC for some reason.

I could understand your upset if you were the family in need of inheritance to pay off your mortgage and retire. It is slightly uncomfortable that your family get a larger proportion of the inheritance.
However, it’s the grandparents money and they’ve decided they want to help the younger generation now. It is often the case that people who inherit save the money rather than pass it down in their lifetime so it’s less useful for mortgage deposits etc.

Can you look into whether there’s a way of them putting it in trust for them? So for example they can have part at 18 or to use towards education for example and the rest when they are 25 to use towards a house deposit?

Maybe they can see how hard it is for young people today. If they are not particularly elderly and in reasonable health it could be years before the inheritance is passed on so better to skip a generation so they can get the benefit of the money to help with their future. Could be set in trust so they access it at 25, rather blow it all at 18.

Parents know their children the best grandparents have got a glorified view of them. if they’re in their 20s just the wrong time to give them loads of money.

OP, you say youself that the "kids" are comfortable. They don't NEED it.

It's very hard to be a young person these days, with the cost of real estate etc. An early inhertitance would be life changing.

In your parent's situation, I would do the same.

I agree . My parents are talking about changing their will to leave to the GC, I have three and the others have one each so it feels unfair to me .

You remind me of my SIL who is seriously invested in how much my brother will inherit when our dad dies, and whether I want to hang on to my share or let them have it. Because they have frittered away money and have nothing, and I’m comfortable. It’s disgusting.

This isn’t a case of how your sister saw it - it’s what actually happened. Whether she was justified in feeling unhappy about it is a matter of opinion.

I think it's controlling - they want to be ones to help the younger generation rather than allowing the parents the joy of helping their own kids.

We stand to inherit and intend to pass most on to our kids - we have are doing OK but are still far behind where our parents were at our age.

Giving money to your kids is your last act of love and it's always been that way for centuries. Cutting out your children makes a statement about your love/trust for them - and not a good one.

True It's the children's money , not a family pot Say for example there was 5 grandchildren and 500k to split between them It seems obvious they should get 100k each.

It's irrelevant that 3 might be from one family and 2 from the other.

I hate inheritance threads. For starters it could all go on care home fees.

The main thing is all dgc benefit, equally. If only 2 were getting something 3 weren't that would be unfair but they're all getting the same. Yes your dh and bil miss out but they don't really because all their dc will benefit.

I don’t think it should skip a generation. It’s not great for young people to have access to so much money at a young age.

You're a decent sort and very kind hearted to acknowledge that your kids will get more than their cousins, and you want to do something about it. There aren't many like you about, unfortunately.
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Yep. An exercise in control.
And it's deeply annoying when people accuse the person as being grabby and entitled when it's not about the money itself but that the person being left out realises that this is yet another opportunity for the aging parent to get one over on them.

But as nearly everyone is probably going to see it as grabby and entitled if they make a fuss they have to keep quiet.

If this is the case here, good on him for refusing.

A lot of shit narcissistic parents have a soft spot for their grandkids.
Probably because they get nothing but adoration from them and don't need to do the hard grind of raising them.

DM’s will leaves most of her money between her four DGCs, putting it in trust until they are 25. She discussed this with me and DB before drawing it up. It seems very sensible and reasonable for her to want to give her money to those who will need it most, and I was flabbergasted when she asked if I minded that more was going to DB’s descendants. He has three DC, I just have DD, they’re all her DGC and she loves them equally. I also love DNs.
Of course, this is all hypothetical anyway, as it could all go on care fees.

It is reasonable not to trust your children to pass the inheritance on- my father inherited and will pass almost nothing on, he refused to help me at university despite it being his recently deceased mother's explicit wish- the dead have no say, you have to lock it into the will to be sure it will happen.
Speculating what the affects of inheriting will be on your children is at very best unhelpful- there is nothing you can do about it, so suck it up, you are being far too controlling- it will be their money it's up to them
You can still pay for a house deposit or wedding- how does their inheriting change your ability to do that? You say you are not interested in inheriting but between the lines you absolutely are interested, because you want to control the flow of money and retain power over them.

We're in the same position, in-laws giving to grandkids. The in-laws benefitted hugely from inheritence themselves and have had a very comfortable retirement because of this.
We will have a far more sparse retirement despite paying into pensions and being sensible as we've had a fair amount of challenges with redundancies, ill health etc. But they just don't see that.
That said, it's their money, it's their choice and none of our business.

For me your only legitimate concern is about the impact of gc inheriting at an age when they might make unwise decisions.

I agree with you OP. My mother has decided to do the same and my sister and I are hurt by it. Neither of us are well off, we both still have large mortgages and there’s no prospect of any inheritance from anywhere else either. Of course it’s entirely her choice but I know everything I leave will be going directly to my DCs. If they have kids and decide to pass some of it on to them then that’s their choice. Very few of my friends in their 50s are in the situation where they have paid mortgages off, mostly due to divorce etc. Times have changed.

Among my family and friends, inheritances from parents have largely been wholly or partly passed on to adult dcs anyway.

Not your money, not your decision , not your problem.

imagine talking about inheritance and the person hasn’t even died yet. Disgusting!

Ok, my experience ;
Grandma died.
Parent's already very rich, many holidays, openly saying they do not need the money.
Inheritance left to parents, who spent it all on more holidays, cars etc for themselves.
Not a bean to their own kids, the adult grandkids in their 30s/40s. That money could have literally changed all of the adult kids lives.
Grandma trusted the money would be split up between everyone, that did not happen.

I’d be happy for in-laws to leave it to my kids. They’re going to need it more than I do.

I think you have to let this go as it's nothing to do with you. If your DH takes it up with his parents then that's different