To think choosing to spend Mother’s Day without your kids is weird

I never consciously plan anything with Mother’s Day in mind. I barely know it’s coming until it’s almost upon us and then subtly remind my kids, sometimes we’re together , sometimes they’re with their dad, sometimes with their friends.
I love having my kids for Mother’s Day and making it an occasion we share but I’m equally happy to have it without them and chill and do my own thing.
This feels like a thread designed to slag off do’s ex tbf

Well you’re lying somewhere - you said her message back to your husband was “I’ll let you have Mother’s Day this year” and in your next breath say you’ve had the children for 3 years in a row. You sound awful, btw.

So why can’t she go away with her 3 kids

or choose a weekend she doesn’t have them and with you

they are old enough to know they do every otter weekend so it’s pretty shit for them to do 3 in a row with you knowing their mum don’t want to see them on their weekend

it would be a def no from me and say to her she needs to go away th weekend before or after aka her weekend

This is the bit I don’t get! Why was the schedule in place before being discussed?

If it was previously agreed, is she wanting to change it or did she not get the chance to agree it?

If she’s asking for a change, why doesn’t this trigger a swap? Or can’t you say “that is fine but we need to swap it for y weekend”?

Haven’t voted as I think it’s a bit “six of one”

Me too.

I don’t think it’s right to do so if you really want my honest opinion. I think it’s one chance to play happy facilities.

But I would hold that against the two people who remarried, not the step parents who married in, if that makes sense. Not because I don’t think step parents shouldn’t be kind and loving to their DSC - they should - but I don’t hold their existence against them.

If I’d remarried and had more kids my two would be in the sad position of being the two people going back and forth between two families, made up of people who get to stay put and live with both parents. My exh certainly wasn’t going to give up having a second bite of that cherry!

I agree. I feel very sorry for those children. They are being treated like an inconvenience

Growing up, this was my dynamic, we were ‘inconvenient’.

Give the clubs a miss, do something with all of the kids & DH takes you all to lunch.

Voila! Problem solved.

You don’t have your dsc a lot so you get quite a large break already? I don’t even know when Mother’s Day is next year, maybe she doesn’t either.

Just coming to offer some support, OP. Honestly you can’t win on here at times. People twisting what you’re saying to make you out to be the wicked stepmother. I get it.

I’d just say no to the bio mum and keep the weekend for you and your DC.

I do think it’s a bit fucking weird to spend Mother’s Day with one of your three offspring and not the others. Yes.

Obviously she (and you) will sometimes do things without your DSC but a holiday over Mother’s Day without them is odd.

That said, I also find it strange that you have your (collective your) respective contact days in place before any discussion has taken place - I get already having the dates in place for academic yr 26/27 but surely there’s a period of “these are my suggestions re dates, do you agree” and discussions before anyone either books a holiday or thinks of a date as “not supposed to be ours”? So surely before a discussion/ period of consideration of suggestions they’re all up for grabs?

You’ll all have to make it work though and most importantly make sure DSC never feel like third wheels / surplus to requirements in either home.

Hopefully both households aren’t just waiting to relieve themselves of DSC before booking holidays for their “little family unit” (not a quote from you but something you see on MN!)

PS - edit - I agree with having a Mother’s Day to celebrate you the week before with your DC (DH obviously facilitates it being nice and you feeling special) as everyone deserves to be centred sometimes.

Personally you are coming across like you resent your step children because they interfere with your family life.

Honestly I think it's odd that you are thinking about this in terms of how rubbish it is for you.

Obviously your feelings matter, but I think most people would prioritise the feelings of children who are likely to be hurt that they are not being treated as a full part of their mum's new family (especially as they have had no choice in becoming part of two blended families with half siblings on both sides... that's a lot to deal with even if you're not being left out of special occasions and/or trips).

I feel really sad for the kids, it must be awful to see your mum choose to spend Mother's Day with just your half sibling.

In your shoes I'd celebrate the weekend before.

Just bump Mother’s Day to the next weekend and tell DH you will expect out to be extra special to thank you for being so accommodating. No biggie.

They don’t just have one parent - poor kids yet again.

In our family mother's/father's days are for young primary kids. Beyond that we don't celebrate at all.

Apart from that it's really none of your business how she spends her free time.

Not everyone is bothered by Mother’s Day. I don’t bother with any of the hallmark holidays.

she’s given you a year’s notice 🤷‍♀️

OP you will never win as a SM on Mumsnet.

It doesn’t matter what the circumstances, SC will always be seen as ‘victims’ and you must always put the wants and needs of you and your ‘shiny new child(ren)’ last.

Absolutely.

My understanding of Mother’s Day when I grew up was that you get to spend the day without the kids doing some pampering, and that’s what I’ve always done. It’s wonderful. I spend every day with my kids so a day off doing something for myself on mother’s day seems much more appropriate.

It's not really a big deal, it's just mothers day. I do mark the occasion but I'm not sure I'd even think to check when booking a trip or holiday.

You don’t want to spend mother’s day looking after your step children because they will refuse to celebrate the day. seems fair to me. why should you forgo mothers day so that the ex can have a childfree weekend?