To think choosing to spend Mother’s Day without your kids is weird

She's taking the piss saying she'll "let" your husband "have Mother's Day this year" - he's not their mother. If she'd said "sorry, it's the only time NewHusband and I can go, and we have to bring 4yo because there's no one to watch him, but we'll celebrate MD before we go/we don't really celebrate it anyway" I'd have had more sympathy. Either way, it's OK to say no to a change in the agreed-upon schedule if it's not convenient and that shouldn't mean losing time with the children overall. In this case I might take them and include them BUT if the accommodation is all one way like it sounds, YourHusband should make it clear it's a one time exception and the basic agreement may need to change.

She wanted to be the primary carer for maintenance and benefits reasons. She has a habit of acting like granting us extra time with the children is a huge favour and that we should thank her... This is horrible if true; the arrangement should strongly (if not only) prioritise what's best for the children. But I don't think there's much you can do about it except supporting your husband in getting a more equal fixed arrangement in place, even if that has to be through formal channels.

The point is she has their kids the majority of the time. She is asking their father to have them an extra weekend, and giving him a year's notice. She isn't asking you, he is asking you to accommodate that. If you don't want their/his kids for an extra weekend, it is for him to navigate the situation. I think he would be highly unreasonable to refuse. But you can decide to refuse if you choose. I do think you are highly unreasonable for making this an ex versus you thing - your needing a break versus her needing a break, her having the kids for benefits/maintenance reasons etc. Take this up with your DH. She is entitled to ask the father of her children to do this.

I think she sounds appalling for ditching 2/3 of her children on Mother’s Day. The problem is that you unfortunately do have to just suck it up because you can’t reject them as well - and it’s going to be feature of life with a selfish co-parent so you’ll need to be flexible about this sort of thing. I would be very cross but try to plan the day do that you can fit in something special with your child.

You’ve only had a few Mother’s Days OP. I’m a single mum with similar age kids and my exh did nothing for me on Mother’s Day this year. Trust me when you’ve had 11 Mother’s Days with no effort shown to you, you might feel differently about the day.

I love how you are the petty one when their own mother dumped them 3 years in a row. Yanbu to want to spend it with your own child only. Your dh should have said No. Not only has she dumped them but is only taking her new child along. Only on here is she a better mother than you. I would be really pissed off op.

You can still do that with all 3 there

She wanted to be the primary carer for maintenance and benefits reasons. Did she tell you that was the reason? Or did her ex?

I mean - just say no? Or say ok Sally if you're having that weekend then you can have them the weekend before and we will go off on a mother's day weekend with our kids.

Sorry to trot this line out but you chose to marry a man who had kids already. Accommodating his children so the mum can go on a short holiday isn’t “running around” after her. If she has the kids most of the time then she needs the break more than you do. I agree it might be for a wedding or something that maybe her older children can’t go to, and she can’t alter the date.

Mother's Day isn't a big deal for that many people. I'd think it odd to place so much importance on it that you need to plan the whole of the rest of your life around it.

I would make plans for the weekend with your DC. Husband can do the running around, lunch etc with his kids. Could you spend the day with your mum?

Just move your Mother’s Day to the following weekend? There are no laws you know

Mother’s Day is really not a thing for a lot of people

Op this is the breaks with a blended family. A years notice is so much notice. She's not doing anything unreasonable.

Are you prepared for all your dsc to come live with you full time if circumstances changed tomorrow?

There's no reason why you can't have a break and your dh take all the kids out or some of the kids out.

Yabvu to judge another woman for going away for a couple of days just because it's mother's day.

I would also say that there's no reason why you can't do a nice day out. You don't need to label it as mother's day your dh can still help your dd to do mothers day things for you.

I have no idea what date Mothers Day is next year. If I was planning a holiday for a long weekend I don't think it would occur to me to check that it wasn't falling on Mother's Day.

Sorry just seen your update that the past 3 years you’ve had the SDCs and they refuse to celebrate Mother’s Day with you. Perhaps the next year, you could arrange for you, your DH and DC to go away that weekend.

It’s not, but the kids dad has 10 months notice and that’s plenty of time for him to sort something out, even if it’s a grandparent (or similar) to take them to clubs and out for the afternoon. He doesn’t have his own kids very often, and their mum has given a huge amount of notice for an extra weekend and I think he should accommodate it. I don’t think that means you should accommodate it. You need to make it a him problem.

That's on your husband isn't it not his ex. It wouldn't even occur to me to check when Mother's Day or Father's Day is before booking a holiday.

Do you go to a church service on Mothering Sunday?

Why can't your DH take the older ones out while you enjoy your day?

I gave up on Mother’s Day once I realised that it was being used by other women (especially my late ExMIL, DHsEx) to pull rank over me. Quite frankly, I had enough, took a leaf out of my own late DMs book and decided to let them dance around and think they had got one over on me. My DM felt it was an over commercialised ‘celebration’ and I just organised things I wanted to do on a different day when things went back to normal prices.

@InkyB - this is one year- use the notice period to plan something nice for all your DCs (SDCs included) as a family that you’d all enjoy. It could be a lovely memory for all of you and help your SDCs spend a special day with their half-sibling. Will be nice for your DH to do something with all his DCs together.

In that case, I definitely think she’s being unfair here and you’re not being unreasonable. As a SM myself, I often think our wants and needs can get sidelined and we’re supposed to just suck it up. I get she wants a break for Mother’s Day and that’s her choice, but she’s forgetting you’re also a mother and may want to make plans yourself.

You’re entitled to say no. You’re a mother here too.

This wouldn't bother me too much because mother's day isn't a big deal for me, but if it is for you then I think YANBU to feel a bit pissed off about this.

I'm more surprised that she's happy to skip three weekends in a row with them than the Mothers day issue!

But the point stands, have Mother's Day how you want it with breakfast in bed etc another day. Literally any other day of the year. In fact why not start a new tradition where you have Mother's Day once a month?! It'd be nice to have breakfast in bed and a nice family day out more often than once a year wouldn't it?