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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think choosing to spend Mother’s Day without your kids is weird

332 replies

InkyB · 23/04/2026 14:40

DH’s ex has emailed us to let us know she’s planned her holidays next year and to ask us to accommodate. We usually have DSC every other weekend and half the school holidays plus Wednesday nights, and we have a draft plan for next year already, but are usually flexible both ways. She books her holidays very early because she’s far more organised than us!

One of the holidays she’s booked is a four night trip over Mother’s Day, so we’d have them Weds-Sun evening. It wasn’t supposed to be our weekend at all.

For context the children involved will be (future ages) DSS11, DSD10, our DD3 and she has a DS4.

AIBU to feel a bit put out by this?

Firstly DSC both have clubs on Sunday morning so it’d mean being out with one of them all morning, cooking a rushed lunch then DH driving them back in the late afternoon and getting back after DD’s bedtime.
Secondly, DSC are often mopey about their mum doing stuff with her youngest and not them, so it’d be a weekend of reassuring them and pretending Mother’s Day doesn’t exist.
Finally, I’d like a Mother’s Day where DH’s focus is on me and our child, not running around after his ex?

OP posts:
Crocsarentslippers · 23/04/2026 16:16

I voted YABU because it is a made up day which can be ' celebrated' at any time.

If you need to look forward to one day in a year to receive attention and gratitude, the fair enough but it's a bit of a non event for anyone bar card shops and pubs/restaurants.

InkyB · 23/04/2026 16:16

WallaceinAnderland · 23/04/2026 16:09

DH’s ex has emailed us to let us know she’s planned her holidays next year and to ask us to accommodate.

She's making a very reasonable request. Your DH should get back to her and say he's not available because it's mothers day.

What's the problem with doing this?

You’re right, that’s what we’ll do.

We almost always say yes to extra days and schedule changes, firstly because DH wants extra time and secondly because in the past she’s made it an emotional situation by telling DSC we don’t want them. So I feel guilty saying no.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 23/04/2026 16:14

IWaffleAlot · 23/04/2026 16:13

Don’t take these posts seriously op. You shouldn’t have bothered. You will still be seen worse than the actual mother who is dumping her children. Don’t be this woman’s fool running around her. Her kids, she sorts them out. You deserve to have this day with your own child to who you are the mother.

She didn’t create them alone, they are also his kids!

Miyagi99 · 23/04/2026 16:13

IWaffleAlot · 23/04/2026 16:13

Don’t take these posts seriously op. You shouldn’t have bothered. You will still be seen worse than the actual mother who is dumping her children. Don’t be this woman’s fool running around her. Her kids, she sorts them out. You deserve to have this day with your own child to who you are the mother.

Dumping her children with their Dad?!

IWaffleAlot · 23/04/2026 16:13

Don’t take these posts seriously op. You shouldn’t have bothered. You will still be seen worse than the actual mother who is dumping her children. Don’t be this woman’s fool running around her. Her kids, she sorts them out. You deserve to have this day with your own child to who you are the mother.

Ophy83 · 23/04/2026 16:13

Just say you can't do that weekend as you have plans, she has plenty of time to make alternative arrangements.

IWaffleAlot · 23/04/2026 16:10

Kerrylass · 23/04/2026 15:47

These posts depress me. You are saying you could enjoy mothers day with your own child but not your own child and step kids.

You could celebrate the week before or after also.

You shouldn't have married a man with kids.

And you don’t feel depressed about the mother dumping her kids on this day?? So warped

WallaceinAnderland · 23/04/2026 16:09

DH’s ex has emailed us to let us know she’s planned her holidays next year and to ask us to accommodate.

She's making a very reasonable request. Your DH should get back to her and say he's not available because it's mothers day.

What's the problem with doing this?

Caddycat · 23/04/2026 16:01

Didn't you post the same thing word for word a few months ago?

InkyB · 23/04/2026 16:00

Paquitavariation · 23/04/2026 16:00

Just tell her no, if you don’t want to do it.

That’s what I will be doing!

OP posts:
Paquitavariation · 23/04/2026 16:00

Just tell her no, if you don’t want to do it.

Catza · 23/04/2026 15:59

InkyB · 23/04/2026 14:47

And my break?

She wanted to be the primary carer for maintenance and benefits reasons. She has a habit of acting like granting us extra time with the children is a huge favour and that we should thank her, even if it’s not convenient for us.

But what did you expect to happen when you married a man with children? Your break is any weekend when you don't have them.
It's a year in advance, surely you can swap weekends so you get one which is either side of it. If you want a complete break, nothing stops you from divorcing him. Other than that, you are a normal step parent with all that it entails.
Mother's day is nether here not there. Neither is her wanting to be a primary carere for maintenance and benefits purposes. Unless you imply that you want step kids to live with you full time, I don't see how this is relevant at all.

Uptightmumma · 23/04/2026 15:59

I would say YABU cos I do not get the madness of Mother’s Day!! Like there no need to go all out or make a big deal of what was a religious thing turned into a hallmark day by card companies to make money. The kids can miss their hobby for a week if needs be and you could plan a lovely day out as a family.

Miyagi99 · 23/04/2026 15:58

Savvysix1984 · 23/04/2026 15:03

I think you’re being petty. Amongst my friends it’s really typical for mums to get the ‘day off’ and we all go out in the afternoon together so I don’t think you need to be tied to your kids. It’s only one day.

The Mums in our family go out together for afternoon tea and fizz or a meal and cocktails, without husbands and children! It’s lovely.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 23/04/2026 15:56

InkyB · 23/04/2026 15:39

Thanks, I should have known better than to post as a SM!

If I’d posted a reverse as her, I’d have been torn to shreds.

Very unlikely. “Ex DH only has his kids every other weekend and half the holidays, I’ve given 10 months notice to have them an extra day weekend on Mother’s Day and he doesn’t want to have them because of his new wife, AIBU’ - people wouldn’t say she was unreasonable for asking him to have his own kids on mothers day with so much notice.

InkyB · 23/04/2026 15:56

TreesinthePark · 23/04/2026 15:52

I think you had pre-warning then from previous years that this could be the situation.

You're not being unreasonable but you have tied your life to this woman and her children and are living with the consequences.

Yeah you are right. I guess the lesson is to book our holidays first.

Anyway, DH has messaged me to say let’s look at the calendar tonight and reply to her, so I’m going to say no to that weekend. It’s not important to her but it is to me.

OP posts:
TreesinthePark · 23/04/2026 15:52

I think you had pre-warning then from previous years that this could be the situation.

You're not being unreasonable but you have tied your life to this woman and her children and are living with the consequences.

PrinceHarrysBaldPatch · 23/04/2026 15:50

You just do Mothers Day another weekend, surely? Like how emergency services etc families do a Christmas over different dates. It's really just a day when you get a lie in and a bunch of daffodils, after all.

InkyB · 23/04/2026 15:49

Kerrylass · 23/04/2026 15:47

These posts depress me. You are saying you could enjoy mothers day with your own child but not your own child and step kids.

You could celebrate the week before or after also.

You shouldn't have married a man with kids.

Because they don’t want to celebrate with me. It’s a day for mothers and I’m not their mother. Being with me on Mother’s Day makes them sad, as it has the past two years.

When they were younger, if we had them on that day and she didn’t want to swap, we’d spend time doing crafts and making cards for her. But I don’t want to do that with my own child on Mother’s Day; I want a bit of effort made for me!

OP posts:
Inthenameoflove · 23/04/2026 15:47

Say yes but she needs to collect? It’s also highly possible she hasn’t realised it’s Mother’s Day a year in advance.

Kerrylass · 23/04/2026 15:47

These posts depress me. You are saying you could enjoy mothers day with your own child but not your own child and step kids.

You could celebrate the week before or after also.

You shouldn't have married a man with kids.

Xmasbaby11 · 23/04/2026 15:45

I think the most obvious solution - if you have already agreed to doing it and can't change it - is to do something special with your own dc and let DH sort out his kids.

You could ask for one of the adjacent weekends, so a swap rather than an extra weekend - depends how you normally do things.

I don't particularly look at mothers/fathers day dates when planning, but I'm not part of a blended family and see my kids pretty much every weekend, so it doesn't feel so important to me.

UnlikelyIntimacies · 23/04/2026 15:43

InkyB · 23/04/2026 15:13

I can’t with DSC there as they don’t want to do Mother’s Day activities for me (which is completely fair enough) and they have their clubs to attend. If I tried to engineer a Mother’s Day day out, they’d not want to.

I could do it all alone with DD, but why is my enjoyment of Mother’s Day less important than my husband’s ex’s?

Because she bagged it first this year. If celebrating it without your SCs is important to you, make an agreement now about the year after so that their mother will have them that weekend.

I mean, these are just the breaks with a blended family, aren't they? If you want certain occasions to just be you and your child/children, you need to pre-arrange it.

FullLondonEye · 23/04/2026 15:43

I wouldn't/don't have the foggiest idea when Mother's Day is next or any other year - until advertising start reminding me it's coming up. It wouldn't even occur to me to check if any holiday I booked would be at the same time. There's a very good chance she didn't do this on purpose.

InkyB · 23/04/2026 15:39

IWaffleAlot · 23/04/2026 15:32

I love how you are the petty one when their own mother dumped them 3 years in a row. Yanbu to want to spend it with your own child only. Your dh should have said No. Not only has she dumped them but is only taking her new child along. Only on here is she a better mother than you. I would be really pissed off op.

Thanks, I should have known better than to post as a SM!

If I’d posted a reverse as her, I’d have been torn to shreds.

OP posts: