To think choosing to spend Mother’s Day without your kids is weird

Only certain mothers though, apparently!

You might feel that way but to many children it is important as a day when they do special things to show their love for their mother. Not all kids might feel like this but many do. If their mother deliberately arranges not to even see them that day and go away with just her new husband and new sibling leaving them behind, and they then have to watch their step-siblings celebrating Mother’s Day with their own mother compounding their feeling of being unwanted and rejected, this could do huge damage to them and is the kind of thing that they will never forget. And the OP is being set up to have to deal with the potential for her step-children to be really upset by this and have to spend her own Mother’s Day picking up the pieces/ have her own children upset by having step-DC there whose are feeling rejected because their own mother didn’t want to be with them.

It’s a really nasty thing for these kids’ mother to do to her children. The exact opposite of what you should do to ensure that existing children don’t feel pushed out when you decide to create a new “little family”. It’s utterly selfish. She could do this trip the weekend before or afterwards when her older DC would normally be with their father anyway. Why should multiple other people change the normal contact arrangements and risk upsetting multiple DC and wrecking the OP’s Mother’s Day plans just to accommodate the selfishness of this woman and her new husband?

If Mother’s Day isn’t a big deal, allegedly, then presumably the step DC’s mother can do her “new family” trip from which she and her husband wish to exclude 2/3 of her children the weekend before or afterwards when her older two children won’t be there anyway.

The selfishness of some parents is off the charts.

Surely the whole point of Mother’s Day is that it’s one day when it’s all about what the mother wants?!

Not unreasonable at all. I always get DH to take the kids out on mother's day. Give me some me time! It's a day to spoil mothers. We have breakfast together and then off they go! I spend every other day with them and don't feel guilty for having some downtime.

Mother’s Day is overhyped commercialised nonsense so I do think YABU.

LOL. Why would she be doing their father a favour to “let” him have them on Mother’s Day? He’s not their mother! 🤣 Poor kids, their mother going on holiday without them is bad enough but to deliberately book ot over Mother’s Day is the kind of thing that children will likely remember forever. She sounds incredibly selfish and will be leaving your husband to pick up the pieces when they are upset about it. I’m quite shocked anybody thinks her treating her older children like this is acceptable.

It’s weird she would spend time with one of her kids and not the other two- and that must be hurtful to them (I’d say they’re hurt not “mopey” about that)

Why doesn’t your husband book a wee overnight away with his 3 kids even if it’s just a premier inn for that weekend and let you have a long lie and peaceful Mother’s Day morning. Then a nice meal with them all that day. You’ve plenty time to get it booked.

I would feel sorry for his children not annoyed or irritated. And on an average month they only see their dad 8 days out of 30 so he can surely step up when he’s asked?

Exactly. The weirdest thing about this thread is that all of the responses until yours just go on about the parents and don’t consider how hurt and rejected the OP’s two step DCs may feel that their own mother didn’t want to see them on Mother’s Day and only wants to celebrate it with her new family! And then having to watch the OP’s children celebrate Mother’s Day with their own mother.

As is so often the case with blended families, little thought for the children whatsoever and IMO OP is therefore right to say no. The step DCs mother can go away with her new family a different weekend i.e. her usual weekend before or after Mother’s Day weekend.

But you, like others and like the OP are conflating 2 separate things. Judgement of whether this mum should or shouldnt go on a holiday with only one of her children is neither here nor there, whether she values mothers day is neither here nor there.

Should a father agree to have the children, his children, when the mum says she isnt available? Yes

Should the mother agree to have the children, her children when the father says he is not available? Yes.

Its as simple as that.

Why would the kids be feeling rejected? They may not have wanted to go for all we know. My kids honestly wouldn't even remember it was mother's day unless their dad or I reminded them! It's just one weekend almost a year away. Why the drama?

They dont have to 'celebrate' it though. Your children can with the support of their father, given they are so long it probably means nothing anyway

Their father can drive them to the clubs and pick them up. Your husband can cook the lunch and pamper you on behalf of yours and his children

They dont have to celebrate at all. Presumably they would normally eat lunch anyway, so would be included in that

But your kid is 3 so that’s not gonna happen.

It’s on your DH to give you a break, not his ex.

YABU

Absolutely this, all this talk of prioritising the ex, no!

He is prioritising his children, as he should. If she isnt around, then he cares for them, simple

Only on this forum is it described as 'dumping' your kids when the plan is for the father to care for the children

He has to care for them, simple as, he is their father.

What OP plans to do that day is not necessarily related to that.

Apparently. You can tell the divorced parents (and why they got divorced).

It is shocking to me that any mother would go away on holiday without all of her biological children

Blimey, lots of mums go away without their kids on a regular basis! Or they do go away with one of them because the other one might be on a school trip or doing something with dad.

If it wasn’t your weekend I would have said sorry we have plans that date

And this is what is wrong with divorced couples. You don't get to opt out because it's not "your" weekend. It's your children and if you were still together you'd have them for a weekend if your partner needed or wanted to do something else (within reason).

And Mother's Day is a made-up day and doesn't matter. But if it really bothers you OP, celebrate the day in May that a lot of other countries use as Mother's Day instead.

Why would having kids who are feeling rejected by their own mother and take OP’s husband’s attention and effort away from her and thair joint child going to effect OP’s Mother’s Day? Are you being intentionally obtuse or are you totally ignorant of how celebrations work and the common ways people celebrate Mothers Day?

Why are your husbands kids going to effect your mother's day. Your husband will presumably be looking after his kids so you could do whatever you want. You have almost a year to plan it!

You both sound unreasonable. The ex seems to not fight for her existing children. It is shocking to me that any mother would go away on holiday without all of her biological children. For you, I get it’s complicated being a step parent and there will be things the SC will be involved in. However, you accepted you DH had children and therefore he needs to prioritise all equally, and it would be weird for him not to include them. Mother’s Day it makes sense the kids are with their biological parent, Father’s Day the same. I think it’s fair for you to say you want Mother’s Day. For me that means, if the kids are there, they skip their clubs that day (it’s one day) and you all go out for lunch together. Kids don’t decide and you should include them.

I don’t think it’s weird really. For starters, there’s just no way I could tell you what day it’ll be on next year so I’d hazard a guess she didn’t think about it either. Even if she did, some people don’t find it overly important.

FFS they aren't 'dumped' on you he is their father and totally reasonable for her to ask. Being a father or a Mother is a 24/7 thing regardless of the parents situation.
YABU and I am a step Mum who has never had Mothers day with out DSS, we are a family and that includes both of our children.
I really don't get people like you who don't understand whats it is to be a step-parent, DSC are not items to be dismissed just because you want to spend a commercially money spinning day with your bio child.

Grow up. It is not unreasonable for her to ask their dad to have them for mother's day. She has given you the best part of a years notice. It is also not strange that she is taking her younger child. I bet you and DH take your child out to places without the other 2 all the time? This weird obsession with a made up day is childish too, if you are that bothered have your own "mothers day" the next weekend. From the way you've spoken I expect they get "mopey" because they are aware they are viewed as an inconvenience when with you.

I find it weird that a mother wouldn't want to spend Mother's day with her children, but I know that not everyone feels the same way that I do. I think the priority needs to be two children, who are very obviously not wanted by either of their parents/ parents new partners. You don't have to pretend that it isn't "Mother's Day" but you DO need to reassure them that you enjoy spending time with them.

So, I’ve been a stepmum for a lot of years and a mum for four years (nearly). I’ve spent all those mother’s days with dsd. Dsd mum likes to have Sunday dinner with her own mum. Dsd doesn’t like any parts of Sunday dinner other than the meat. It’s her annual treat. That’s ok. Dsd mum spends the day with her mum. I spend the day with dsd, dmil, dm, daunt and other people. We have fun and do things together. I don’t know what dsd thinks of this. However, I also don’t set a lot by Mother’s Day. It’s kind of a made up holiday like valentines and Father’s Day. We tend to treat it a bit more like international women’s day and celebrate all women (dcousin is a dog mum for personal reasons).