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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for stopping a nice Muslim girl from showing my son her hair?

235 replies

BeSpoonyRedCat · 22/04/2026 22:46

It was on Monday after school, 10 year old DS, a very traditional 10 year old Muslim girl, and another 10 year old girl from my son's school were in the living room.

DS asked to see the Muslim girl's hair and she was actually about to show him. I stopped her, nothing dramatic. I basically said no sweetie, don't do that. I wasn't loud. Both girls looked like they wanted to laugh while my son looked annoyed. After I finished dropping the girls home, my son was all moody.

Yesterday he was still moody and I asked why he's upset. He basically explained that the Muslim girl doesn't show any other kid her hair. I said there's a reason for that. And I'm thankful my son didn't ask me the reason because I actually don't know.

From my perspective, I was being a responsible adult with my son and 2 girls under my supervision. I don't know the ramifications of that little girl showing my son her hair. I don't know if her parents would have been upset with her. I don't know if her parents would have banned my son from being friends with her. But I'm still wondering if I was dramatic.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
DangerQuakeRhinoSnake · 22/04/2026 23:08

Shark321 · 22/04/2026 22:51

Well done on protecting the little girl.

From what exactly?

I'd really love to know your answer to this question please!

InfoSecInTheCity · 22/04/2026 23:06

I think you were right. I fundamentally disagree with any religion or culture that requires women/girls to be covered to save men from lustful thoughts but your actions weren’t about agreeing with that belief. Your actions were about showing your son that he shouldn’t put others in an uncomfortable position and to show the girl that she is allowed to refuse any request that goes against her beliefs. You were low key about it, you didn’t shout or make a fuss or give a lecture, you just provided an opportunity for everyone to stop and to take the opportunity to re-think.

Gabitule · 22/04/2026 23:06

Perhaps by telling her that she didn't have to show her hair you made her feel that it was wrong to show her hair to a boy, even though that’s what she wanted to do because that’s what felt right to her.

titchy · 22/04/2026 23:05

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 22/04/2026 22:58

I wouldn't have thought a girl brought up in the misogyny of having to cover her hair for modesty reasons would even think of showing a random boy her hair.

Or going to their house in fact…

PersephonePomegranate · 22/04/2026 23:04

Decacaffeinatednow · 22/04/2026 23:03

How traditional are her parents?

A 10 year old is covering her hair....

PersephonePomegranate · 22/04/2026 23:04

MissCooCooMcgoo · 22/04/2026 22:50

Um, it's her hair she's 10. She can do as she wishes. As long as your son wasn't coercing her.

Hmm not really, because her family (read father) don't want her to show her hair. It might drive some man, or 10 year old boy, wild with desire. This girl doesnt have the same autonomy that others do.

Decacaffeinatednow · 22/04/2026 23:03

How traditional are her parents?

Butterme · 22/04/2026 23:03

At her age, it sounds like she wears it more for fun and so showing her hair probably isn’t the worse thing in the world.

However, I’m glad you gently stepped in because your son should not be asking girls to show him parts of their body and he is old enough to understand why it’s unacceptable.

I would have been disappointed with him and it’s probably worth another chat at home about what is and what isn’t acceptable.

HeyThereDelila · 22/04/2026 23:03

10 year old girls should not be covering their hair.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 22/04/2026 23:03

BeSpoonyRedCat · 22/04/2026 23:02

Because to just call her a Muslim girl in the title can look weird.

It looks weird anyway

BeSpoonyRedCat · 22/04/2026 23:02

Pistachiocake · 22/04/2026 22:58

And why does the title say "nice" girl? Why would it make a difference, or why should we comment on an action being right, or wrong, depending on a girl (or boy) being "nice"?

Because to just call her a Muslim girl in the title can look weird.

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 22/04/2026 23:00

BeSpoonyRedCat · 22/04/2026 22:58

He asked and she was about to do it voluntarily.

As if.
They've had this drummed into them from babyhood, that you just don't do this.

Ponderingwindow · 22/04/2026 23:00

She has no obligation to follow her parent’s religion outside of their home. You are absolutely wrong to act as an arbitrary enforcer.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 22/04/2026 22:59

ExtraOnions · 22/04/2026 22:57

Cover up ladies … as you are 100% responsible for the bad behaviour of men.

It was ever thus.
Hmm

BeSpoonyRedCat · 22/04/2026 22:58

Defiantly41 · 22/04/2026 22:57

Isn’t the OP more about letting her son know that it’s NOT ok to persuade/coerce girls into doing or showing things they don’t want to? In which case, religion or not, she was right to stop him

He asked and she was about to do it voluntarily.

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 22/04/2026 22:58

I wouldn't have thought a girl brought up in the misogyny of having to cover her hair for modesty reasons would even think of showing a random boy her hair.

Pistachiocake · 22/04/2026 22:58

LittleMissClutter · 22/04/2026 22:54

Very

And why does the title say "nice" girl? Why would it make a difference, or why should we comment on an action being right, or wrong, depending on a girl (or boy) being "nice"?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 22/04/2026 22:58

Defiantly41 · 22/04/2026 22:57

Isn’t the OP more about letting her son know that it’s NOT ok to persuade/coerce girls into doing or showing things they don’t want to? In which case, religion or not, she was right to stop him

Her son didn’t persuade or coerce, he asked.

ExtraOnions · 22/04/2026 22:57

Shark321 · 22/04/2026 22:56

Muslim girls cover their hair for a lot of reasons. It sounds as if she is from a strict family who follow the Quran and emphasise the importance of the command from god regarding covering their head, neck and chest. She may feel shame or be in trouble if she did show her hair.

Cover up ladies … as you are 100% responsible for the bad behaviour of men.

BeSpoonyRedCat · 22/04/2026 22:57

scoobysnaxx · 22/04/2026 22:53

I think it’s a good think you did this.
maybe her parents wouldn’t be particularly bothered. But maybe they would.
if she is Muslim and wearing a headspace you have reason to believe she does for a reason.
I think it’s okay. You didn’t make a big song and dance about it.
it’s nice to see someone thoughtful and considerate of something like this.

Whether or not her parents would have been bothered is a mystery to me. At some times they seem strict and at other times not. I just reacted in the moment, taking the side of caution.

OP posts:
Defiantly41 · 22/04/2026 22:57

Isn’t the OP more about letting her son know that it’s NOT ok to persuade/coerce girls into doing or showing things they don’t want to? In which case, religion or not, she was right to stop him

Brightonkebab · 22/04/2026 22:57

Sounds like you feel entitled to another girls comfort. It doesn’t matter what general
rules are, if she’s not happy, that should be it.

ExtraOnions · 22/04/2026 22:56

GentleSheep · 22/04/2026 22:51

Depends whether the girl was wearing the head covering because she's reached puberty (in which case her religion means she needs to cover it for modesty except for amongst family) or whether she's still pre-puberty and so wearing it is optional therefore removing it is likely OK. I'm surprised she's wearing a head scarf so young.

“Modesty” … I suppose children have their hair uncovered are” immodest” - who sexualises children like this ? It’s revolting.

BTW … no seen many boys covering thier heads up - maybe it’s just the hair of Girls and Women that have magical properties.

Misogyny on every level

I also hate the idea of “modest” .. like women who don’t cover are “immodest” and therefore is serves them right when men can’t control themselves.

Shark321 · 22/04/2026 22:56

pinkyredrose · 22/04/2026 22:52

Huh?

Muslim girls cover their hair for a lot of reasons. It sounds as if she is from a strict family who follow the Quran and emphasise the importance of the command from god regarding covering their head, neck and chest. She may feel shame or be in trouble if she did show her hair.

LittleMissClutter · 22/04/2026 22:54

ToKittyornottoKitty · 22/04/2026 22:53

Seems young for a head scarf, her parents can’t be that strict if they’ve let her go play at a boys house that they don’t know well. Odd thread

Very