AIBU for stopping a nice Muslim girl from showing my son her hair?

Good God!!
What absolute nonsence and i'd also add your hardly the feminist of the year

It seriously doesn't matter what women wear. Men sexually assault and attack women regardless. There's a picture online that says:

"Was it my fault?" asked the short skirt

"No, it happened to me too" replied the burqa.

The nappy in the corner couldn't even speak.

I was sexually assaulted at work. I was wearing the ugliest uniform. Polo shirt, trousers, hi viz, steel capped boots. Men still regularly made comments on my body. It really doesn't matter what we wear

Do you call all protestations of things in other cultures white people believe to be harmful to women/children intolerant?

A child should not be under that much pressure to be modest, they are children.

I think it would be very wise to explain to your son that asking any girl to show any part of her body that is covered by any form of clothing is inappropriate and could get him in trouble. No girl is obliged to share any part of her body with him.

All the hand wringing comments in this thread are hilarious when you realise there is absolutely no way that there exists a muslim family intense enough in their values that their 10 year old is already in a hijab.. but they're OK with her going to a male friend's house unaccompanied.

This whole scenario collapses immediately.

OP shouldn't verge into governments and saying their ways are controlling etc. The Muslim religion should be respected. Some people like to wear the headscarf because it's part of their spirituality.

Who made OP the boss? Um, in that situation, OP was literally the boss. The little girl was in the care of the OP, given that the OP is the responsible adult and the child was a child! And adults spend much of the time with children under their care stopping them from making choices that might not be optimal.

But as he sulked afterwards, presumably because of his DM stopping the girl, I do wonder if he would have also sulked if the girl had said no?

I think @BeSpoonyRedCat that you did the correct thing in gently letting the sweet girl know that it wasn't a good idea for her to show her hair to a male, as goodness knows if, or what, trouble that could have got the girl into. I also think that you should tell your DS that in the little girls religion, older girls and women have to cover up their hair because their "Bible", the Quran, says that they need to be more modest when not at home with their with family - hopefully your DS won't ask specifically for the age that becomes necessary for female Muslims, but if he does, you can quite honestly say that you don't know at what age that happens.

With some luck, your DS won't keep on asking you, but if he does, maybe you could say something like, you will try to find out more for him, and then discuss the issue with the people close to you, who love your son, and who's opinions you usually trust, and agree with.
However, you can, and hopefully did, explain to him about respecting other peoples minds and bodies, and that if they say no to something, or seem at all reluctant to show, do, or say something that he - or anyone else - has requested, then he is old enough now to understand that he mustn't try to cajole someone into doing what he wants, and that if they decline, he mustn't sulk, get angry, or show any other negative emotion, even if he is privately disappointed.

Of course, he must also know that he has the same rights himself, so if he wants to deny, or refuse anyone else, any access to his mind or body, he is perfectly right to do so. You could reiterate that his mind and body deserve the same respect, as anyone, and everyone, else. I think you would be ok to tell your 10 year old son - if you think he is mature enough to take on board what you are saying - that even though we should all respect another person's right to choose for themselves, you don't actually agree - obviously, only if you don't agree - that any community, or religious laws, not coming from within our own democratically elected Governments (over the years), should be able to make anyone within their 'imagined' jurisdiction, follow such controlling rules, and especially not just because they are either a female, or a male.

Sorry for that last paragraph - in particular - as I am struggling to understand what I am trying to say, so hopefully anyone still reading this has better comprehension skills than I seem to have at the moment! Unfortunately, when I try to improve it, it just gets worse, so I am giving up for now! Good luck OP, I think you are a great Mum, and also a very useful and helpful, member of 'The Village', Thank You xxx

That's generally the white Western view, yes. It's intolerant imo and makes no effort to understand another culture.

Yes, because all ten-year-olds know exactly the right thing to do all the time and make excellent choices, don't they!

She was a child in OP's care, and OP did her best to be culturally sensitive. Showing boys her hair is quite probably not what she should be doing as far as her parents are concerned, although we don't know that. But OP was right to err on the side of caution.

All that pressure on a 10 year old girl over bloody hair. So backwards

From potentially getting into trouble with her parents, maybe being stopped from playing with others outside her religion, perhaps feelings of guilt later if she felt that she had betrayed the spiritual meaning of the headscarf...she is only 10 and, like all children, doesn't always know what the best choice is.

That's a pronouncement of white Western ignorance and arrogance...It is their way and their culture. Maybe she is choosing to wear the headscarf before puberty (if she is pre-puberty) as an outward sign of her spiritual commitment to her god. Maybe it's meaningful to her.

Protecting her from what?

This situation sounds unusually exaggerating by the screaming teacher. I can't imagine anyone objecting to a female teacher helping a young girl with adjusting her hijab. I don't think it's a case of don't ever touch a headscarf. If you're female and you know the girl/ woman who wears hijab, or you're a female teacher, of course you can help with hijab if asked. Although it's a bit of a minefield nowadays with strictl rules for school staff about not touching any school children, in any normal way sadly I used to work in schools and most child are tactile and a pat on the head or back might be the only affection they get for some children. Sadly normal affectionate touch has been put under the same category as inappropriate touching. This is going to create mixed messages and issues for children, sadly.

@GentleSheep
If she was wearing a headscarf at that age then she comes from a strict muslim background; BeSpoonyRedCat was right to stop her showing her hair because it would've been seen most probably as "haram" for her to do so when with strangers
And if her family had found out possible molestation ( yes really) charges couldve been brought
When I helped out in my youngest daughters reading class when she was in the infants
A little muslim girl said her scarf was too tight and asked me to help her loosen it a little and I'm going back over 23 years
Honestly, i was just about to do so when the form teacher screamed (yes really) and completely pushed me away from her; apparently I couldve been charged with assault for touching her head.
So dont never ever touch a headscarf ever

I think although 10 years old is young for wearing a hijab, you did a really lovely and considerate thing OP. Firstly by supporting the girl with not feeling pressure to show her hair if she doesn't want to, or perhaps her parent's wouldn't want her to. Secondly through your considerate actions you've taught your son that it's important to respect others boundaries and choices.

As for all those ranting on about how the hijab is misogynistic and it makes women feel responsible for the behaviour of "bad men", Firstly you're completely ignorant and have absolutely no idea about what hijab is. Secondly, please take your horrible prejudice views and nasty opinions and shove them where the sun don't shine! Muslim women don't want to be subjected to your prejudice and oppressive views. You go on about misogyny when you are the ones trying to stop women from wearing what they want on their own heads! Absolute ignorance!

Agree with the “virtue signalling” comment conveniently ignored by the OP upthread

Then you don't understand it.

Well done OP.

You've done something very important. I hope she doesn't feel pressured in the future and learns it's OK to say no.

Controlling adults around her?

Your medal is in the post

As I understand it, they can choose to cover their hair when they become adults. There parents (father) must be strict if at that age they're covering their hair.
No idea I'd you were right or wrong tbh. But I would have done the same.
They cover their hair cos no man who isn't their husband or a child should see it. It's part of their belief that they should be modest.