AIBU for stopping a nice Muslim girl from showing my son her hair?

What about peer pressure? Being unprepared and feeling overwhelmed? Or even just the parents‘ possible reaction?

and would you feel the same way if he had asked her to remove any other item of clothing / reveal any other body part?

yes, hair may seems innocuous to most us. But it may not be to that girl or her parents. And OP assumed responsibility when she agreed to have those children spend time at her house.

It's a tricky one. There seems to be a suggestion from the OP here that 'nice' girls wouldn't which is a little problematic and confusing for the children. On the other hand, knowing that it might be difficult for the girl when she gets home if she mentions she removed her scarf, it's probably better to step in and prevent it happening. On balance, at this stage of development, the more helpful way to proceed is to prevent the action, not because it's necessarily intrinsically bad in an absolute sense but to save the girl from potentially upsetting her parents and getting into trouble.

All the children will have to make their own minds up about this issue as they grow up and trying to manage behaviour around this at a later age would be overbearing. I would try though not to make DS feel ashamed for his cultural faux pas. It sounds like innocent curiosity.

I think the fact that OP hasn’t responded to any of the comments regarding why the child was at her house in the first place mean this is utter bullshit.

She could have explained it away - I’m a childminder/the girl is my neighbour and mum had an emergency/other vague possibility. But no.

This is all made up nonsense.

This is so odd. Just leave children to manage this sort of situation without your interference. She can decide for herself if she wants to. She lives in a country with conflicting messages, mum and dad who want her to cover her hair, but a society (friends, teachers, classmates) who make clear they don't believe this is necessary. She is free to follow either.

I think the OP shutting it down quickly and effectively was the right thing to do on her watch for the reasons she has said. Kids face peer pressure and sometimes don’t know how to handle it.

I also feel that if a child is wearing the headscarf, she should understand why she’s wearing it.

That I agree with!

That would have been such a good teaching moment! Although I understand that OP didn’t quite know how to react due to not being prepared for this. But sounds like it was very recent and her son still remembers, so she might still explain to him that it isn’t okay to ask people to see body parts they keep covered…

I think they are 10 and you are unreasonably micromanaging your son and that child.

Yes, he did.

But wouldn’t that it have been a good idea to explain to him that he shouldn’t ask to see body parts other people choose to keep covered?

It's your son you should have spoken to about asking a girl to remove clothing or show him a part of her body.

There was a muslim girl at my school who could go to other houses as long as she was with her cousin, and her family were strict.

Or perhaps the two girls at op's house were pretending they were at each others/somewhere else?

Or perhaps the parents themselves are under pressure from older family relatives to be more conservative, but don't actually police their child much outside of an outward show of faith.

I can easily think of a few scenarios, not sure why this is seen as so far outside the realms of possibility.

Imply all Muslims are violent child beaters? Or that showing her hair imperils her soul? Racist or sexist

Are you a Muslim?

And you’re so proud of yourself for stopping a 10-year-old from showing her hair that you felt the need to share it with everyone. I’d be more impressed if you questioned why a child that age is expected to cover it in the first place.

Some of them scream ‘there are elections coming up’.

This is exactly what I’m thinking.

Very fishy.

Oh well that's perfectly normal, not something child services should look into at all...

The enforcers of misogyny are so often women. Slow handclap for the OP for joining their ranks.

I was thinking the same thing. Wearing a head covering at that age and allowed to go to a non Muslim house to play with a boy?? Very, very unusual

why are you even asking if you’ve made up your mind? this isn’t an aibu. virtue signalling

Why would you do that? It's not up to you at all, it's up to her.

This is a very strange place to ask this question. If you want to find out what is acceptable for a 10 year old Muslim girl, do some research in your local Muslim community.

Isnt it up t the child what they want to eat, and no I would not feed peanuts to a chils allergic but I would them them choose same as my child could choose at someone else's place

If they asked for it, then yes.

Because if they are asking then that means they are being forced by parents. They have no intrinsic motivation or reasoning for it, and no personal choice in the matter, or they would not want to do/have it.

You did the right thing. He knows now not to ask girls to remove parts of their clothing. She knows she doesn’t have to show parts of her body because she’s asked. Peoples reactions are just because it’s a head scarf.

Also agree with comments about how it’s bullshit a young girl (or older girl, or woman) has to cover her hair incase a boy or man is tempted be her. I think if they live in Britain, girls should be protected from this misogynistic crap. I don’t really care if it’s misogyny on religious or cultural grounds really, I’m against it across the board, do people who think it is ok think FGM is ok on these grounds?