AIBU for stopping a nice Muslim girl from showing my son her hair?

That's your thoughts. Are you one of these people who think we in the UK know better? You don't have to agree with something to respect someone else's choice.

I have seen girls younger than 10 wearing hijab. Why are some saying it doesn't happen ? It tends to be African Muslims in my area.

No - OP is being respectful of another culture. I would have done the same, but then checked with the parents if they minded that I had stepped in at this point, so that I would know what that family expects…

Of course, I would also make sure that the little girl didn’t get into any trouble - I would probably do that by speaking to the Mother, and would point out here that this situation, to a lot of people, won’t have been navigated before.

I think OP was just doing her best - no drama - but curious to see if others had faced this cultural tightrope, and I think she handled it well.

I just want to ask - when little girls (10 or even under) go out wearing the same lipstick and eyeshadow as mum, making their baby faces look bright/pretty/whatever, do we still assume it’s because mum and dad have forced them to follow their own behaviours?

Sadly, abusive parents who force girls to wear headscarves exist. I would never put a scarf on my own child especially at that age, if she wants to wear it as an adult/teenager then that’s up to her. However, painting every Muslim girl with the same brush of oppression and misogyny is also wrong and anti-feminist.

I think what you did was lovely, OP.

The girl may have felt that she should show her hair when asked because she was in your home.

You showed her that it's ok to have boundaries.

As someone who used to get very uncomfortable when friends' parents would try to feed me cheeseburgers and ham sandwiches that I know I couldn't eat but didn't know how to say no to, thank you.

My DS14 (nearly 15) had a Muslim girlfriend this time last year who was exactly the same age as him, she covered her hair at school and as soon as she got in my house the hair cover was straight off. I did ask her about it, she explained her family were very relaxed, her mum is a single mum, very much the matriarch of the family. The GF was very much able to express her own opinions like most kids her age.
I don’t believe my son would have asked her to do it and I think if he had she would have told him where to go. It’s also her hair to do what she likes with.
I don’t know if you were unreasonable or not because I think it depends on the girl and her family.

Why would your son be so bothered about someone's hair? It's quite odd IMO. Does he also ask to see other bits of their bodies that they cover? If not then what's different about hair?

This all seems very odd to me. It that situation I wouldn't have told the girl not too do it - but I would have told my son to stop asking and that he was being really rude.

Agree...in my experience the vast majority of moderate families won't even bring their children to class birthdays, let alone a playdate. So a strict family allowing this is very odd

Thank god for women like you, there to reinforce the patriarchy when men arent.

Would you give a visiting Jewish child pork?

This says it all.

My best friend is Muslim and she doesn’t cover her hair. The hijab is not a religious item.

These are all good points.
I'm amazed that it happened in the first place. Muslim parents, observant enough to give their 10 year old a hijab, allow her to go to play with a non Muslim boy at his home, with supervision they don't know about?
A Muslim girl about to remove her hijab at the boy's request, in spite of everything she has been told?

So not your business.

Hmm........why was your son so interested in seeing her hair especially as he knows that he would be the only boy to see it?

It sounds like something he'd brag about at school which could be bloody awful for her!

I'm glad you stopped him. Her choice of course but I don't think she considered the potential outcomes

So many iffy posts on MN, which I keep reporting, but MN likes to “give them the benefit of the doubt”, even when it’s clearly bollocks.

Why is your son asking to see parts of a girl that he knows she keeps private?

Why is he sulking with you for stopping it?

Why didn't you chastise your son for asking rather than tell her not to show him?

If this really happened then you don't look like some kind of saviour here, your son just looks like another entitled man in the making, with a Mummy who shifts blame onto the girls every time.

OP, were you worried about the girl or about your son?

I find it interesting that you jumped in to tell the girl not to show her hair, rather than jumping in to tell your son not to ask girls to remove items of clothing.

I would have done the same @BeSpoonyRedCat

I got the ick at you calling her “nice”

you did the right thing and need to keep teaching your son about informed consent

weird that you had a girl in your house but the parents are strangers ? Thats the weirdest part of your post

Exactly !

Really? Does the same apply to inappropriate touching? Would you say that it would be OK for a Muslim child to be disrespectful about Christianity?
This whole scenario seems unlikely but if it is true, the proper response is surely “No, don’t do that. Who wants an ice cream?” then have a conversation with the boy later.

I think you did the right thing, your son shouldn't be asking any girl to show him any part of her body and that includes hair covered with a headscarf.

Shouldn’t you have explained to your son that he shouldn’t have asked in the first place?

I think erring on the side of caution when you're unsure is fine. You don't have to personally agree with it. You do need to tell your son to not ask any other child to remove any item of clothing.