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AIBU?

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Original poster

Child pulling a fast one ??

61 replies

Happypomegranates · 22/04/2026 18:36

My son had a head bump at school today , he is 12. School checked him, no mark but quite a bump with another child. He told them he felt a bit unsteady ( that’s not a word he would use I imagine he’s said dizzy ) so they advised going to hospital. He was checked over and all fine , but they said if he gets any symptoms on the leaflet go straight back. I think this is just standard head bump advice.

Now , he will do anything for a day off school. Always has , no issues at school he’s a good boy , lots of friends , never no crying about going etc but he will quite regularly say he has a tummy ache or feels sick - nothing that a “ you’ll be ok “ can’t fix , goes into school happily. But , he just prefers to be off. If anyone expresses concern over anything ( for eg if we ask if he’s ok , looks pale - even if he’s been ok he will then all of a sudden be ill ) .. basically , I know him and I was also the same as a child myself - if he can get a day off he will . I have been at work and he’s had a nice afternoon with Dad , playing etc - been fine! As soon as I walked in he said he had started to feel dizzy. He looks fine and when he is genuinely unwell you can tell because he’s off his food , not playing his games etc . Dizziness isn’t a symptom to look out for on the info sheet , it’s more being drowsy, sick , loss of consciousness, confusion.

I do think he thinks that if he has to go back to hospital then we will be there late and he will be off tomorrow . I also suspect symptoms may appear in the morning . I have taken the sheet and hid it so he can’t see what are alarming symptoms.

AIBU to not head to the hospital and use my own judgement ? I don’t want to make out he’s lying and I don’t believe him and I would hate for something to be wrong and I do nothing but I really feel this may be him pulling a bit of a fast one and he has been seen by a doctor who has said he is ok.

OP posts:
SnappyQuoter · 22/04/2026 20:24

So do you believe that the vast majority of 12 year old boys are at home crying over fake, or barely there injuries to get a day off school?

Original poster
Happypomegranates · 22/04/2026 20:22

SnappyQuoter · 22/04/2026 20:10

His contact fell out. He was checked. This was a whole day later, on leaving the appointment after all was checked and well… and he started crying again.

That isn’t normal. This is incredibly manipulative behaviour to get a day off school. By your reply, my guess is that you never deal with this behaviour so he carries on.

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It’s not abnormal at all.

I do deal with the behaviour - he does not get days off school unless he is very unwell and I know he is - eg vomiting , lethargic - things I know he is not faking. It’s never prolonged , he will try and I will tell him no you are going to school and he goes happily . There is no drama , no kicking and screaming to go in . He goes to school , is fine , and comes out happily. That is dealing with the behaviour.

OP posts:
SnappyQuoter · 22/04/2026 20:21

Happypomegranates · 22/04/2026 20:17

I think you need to calm down a little bit . A 12 year old boy trying to manipulate people ? Do you understand anxiety levels in young children around school ? Especially the transition to secondary school ? Likely he felt upset about going to school so that’s why he cried , but instead said it was because he was still in pain .

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You took the time in your OP to say he has no issues with school, never cried about going to school, has friends, does well. Just loves a day off school. But now you’re saying he has anxiety about school and you think the crying is actually because he is too anxious to go to school? Which is it? Because my response is based on your OP saying he has no anxiety around school and just loves a cheeky day off.

I think you are being manipulated by a 12 year old who has figured out that faking health issues gets him off school, and you don’t seem to have ever even talked to him about what he is doing or why he is faking, or even told him that you know he is faking. Which is weird. That’s a conversation a parent should have when they notice that behaviour.

Original poster
Happypomegranates · 22/04/2026 20:19

SnappyQuoter · 22/04/2026 20:17

Have you actually talked to him about this and about your suspected reasoning - attention and time alone with mum?

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Yes. He has said he does like the time with me , but follows it up with “ but I was ill “ .

I have also tried to make time on the weekend and suggested a movie , reading together , a game … most of the time he does it for 5 mins and then abandons me to go and play online with his friends !

OP posts:
Original poster
Happypomegranates · 22/04/2026 20:17

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 22/04/2026 20:11

Can you tell him the symptoms of concussion are right shoulder pain, tingling in finger tips and pain in lower jaw?? See if these “symptoms” suddenly appear over the next hour.

I like this idea !!

OP posts:
SnappyQuoter · 22/04/2026 20:17

Happypomegranates · 22/04/2026 20:14

I think it’s that he likes being at home and he likes the attention, yes. I work full time and he has a younger sibling so I do somethings think that maybe that quality time just us is rare , when he’s off and I have taken the day off then he has had me all to himself and I will cuddle up with him on the sofa while I’m working fr home . If I go to work , he goes to my mothers and her and my dad spoil him rotten. I do try to make that quality time , but I do think sometimes he craves it that bit more.

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Have you actually talked to him about this and about your suspected reasoning - attention and time alone with mum?

Original poster
Happypomegranates · 22/04/2026 20:17

SnappyQuoter · 22/04/2026 20:12

He was faking it to try and get another day off school. This was a day after the contact fell out, he’d been checked, all was well, then he started crying again on the way home. That is not normal. He is doing it to manipulate and get attention and get days off. That isn’t normal for a neurotypical 12 year old.

This isn’t someone crying because something is wrong. He is faking things, then bursting into tears to manipulate the situation.

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I think you need to calm down a little bit . A 12 year old boy trying to manipulate people ? Do you understand anxiety levels in young children around school ? Especially the transition to secondary school ? Likely he felt upset about going to school so that’s why he cried , but instead said it was because he was still in pain .

OP posts:
Original poster
Happypomegranates · 22/04/2026 20:14

hellomylov3 · 22/04/2026 20:07

Yes good on you, parenting isn't easy and you sound like a great mum. He seems to enjoy the concern and attention he receives when ill though, which imo is a bit worrying .

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I think it’s that he likes being at home and he likes the attention, yes. I work full time and he has a younger sibling so I do somethings think that maybe that quality time just us is rare , when he’s off and I have taken the day off then he has had me all to himself and I will cuddle up with him on the sofa while I’m working fr home . If I go to work , he goes to my mothers and her and my dad spoil him rotten. I do try to make that quality time , but I do think sometimes he craves it that bit more.

OP posts:
SnappyQuoter · 22/04/2026 20:12

Question7 · 22/04/2026 20:02

It is normal for 12 year old boys and adult men to cry. Everyone cries sometimes, there's nothing weird about it.

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He was faking it to try and get another day off school. This was a day after the contact fell out, he’d been checked, all was well, then he started crying again on the way home. That is not normal. He is doing it to manipulate and get attention and get days off. That isn’t normal for a neurotypical 12 year old.

This isn’t someone crying because something is wrong. He is faking things, then bursting into tears to manipulate the situation.

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 22/04/2026 20:11

Can you tell him the symptoms of concussion are right shoulder pain, tingling in finger tips and pain in lower jaw?? See if these “symptoms” suddenly appear over the next hour.

SnappyQuoter · 22/04/2026 20:10

Happypomegranates · 22/04/2026 20:08

Clearly , as he had a contact in and then didn’t have one in , something did happen. It scared him and hurt - eyes are very sensitive. My point was that it seemed to clear up but he was still insisting something was up because he wanted the day off. That was my point . He’s 12, a child , nothing wrong with a 12 year old child crying it’s not weird or pathetic .

Show quote history

His contact fell out. He was checked. This was a whole day later, on leaving the appointment after all was checked and well… and he started crying again.

That isn’t normal. This is incredibly manipulative behaviour to get a day off school. By your reply, my guess is that you never deal with this behaviour so he carries on.

Original poster
Happypomegranates · 22/04/2026 20:08

SnappyQuoter · 22/04/2026 19:48

Your 12 year old started crying about his eye? When there was clearly absolutely nothing wrong, just to get a day off? I cannot remember the last time my 12 year old son cried. Same with his older brother. That’s really not normal. A 12 year old boy crying in his way out of hospital, whinging about a sore eye when literally nothing happened other than his contact falling out… it’s weird.

Have you actually talked to him about this behaviour? Boy who cried wolf and all of that? And also just how pathetic that behaviour is?

Clearly , as he had a contact in and then didn’t have one in , something did happen. It scared him and hurt - eyes are very sensitive. My point was that it seemed to clear up but he was still insisting something was up because he wanted the day off. That was my point . He’s 12, a child , nothing wrong with a 12 year old child crying it’s not weird or pathetic .

OP posts:
hellomylov3 · 22/04/2026 20:07

Happypomegranates · 22/04/2026 19:47

I don’t want to give him the day off , unnecessarily. The hospital said he is fine to go to school just to let them know to keep a closer eye on him for 48 hours. I have been really strict since starting secondary as I work full time and Nan did the school runs in primary and he would quite easily get days off by saying he was ill and Nan taking him to the doctors ( thinking she was doing what was best ) but it affected his attendance . I am very strict now and always say “ if you’re ill , they will send you home “ unless I can tell he’s genuinely unwell. I fear if I do it now it will become a thing and he will know what to say at school when he has head bump, to get time off .

I hate sounding so negative but I really want him to have good attendance and do well at school

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Yes good on you, parenting isn't easy and you sound like a great mum. He seems to enjoy the concern and attention he receives when ill though, which imo is a bit worrying .

KnickerlessFlannel · 22/04/2026 20:07

I'd take him to get checked out but also be firm that he goes to school tomorrow regardless of the time you get home tonight unless the hospital find an issue

Question7 · 22/04/2026 20:02

SnappyQuoter · 22/04/2026 19:48

Your 12 year old started crying about his eye? When there was clearly absolutely nothing wrong, just to get a day off? I cannot remember the last time my 12 year old son cried. Same with his older brother. That’s really not normal. A 12 year old boy crying in his way out of hospital, whinging about a sore eye when literally nothing happened other than his contact falling out… it’s weird.

Have you actually talked to him about this behaviour? Boy who cried wolf and all of that? And also just how pathetic that behaviour is?

It is normal for 12 year old boys and adult men to cry. Everyone cries sometimes, there's nothing weird about it.

Batties · 22/04/2026 19:57

None of that is relevant. The only question is, even though you believe he is making it up, are you willing to take the risk?

cannynotsay · 22/04/2026 19:53

As it’s a head injury I’d go back. It’s always the one time you don’t go it’s something

KimuraTan · 22/04/2026 19:50

Happypomegranates · 22/04/2026 19:31

I might try this now actually , his phone. He’s watching TV , but still on his phone. However, I don’t really want to say no TV or phone though in case he goes to sleep , I don’t really want him going to sleep yet , I was planning on letting him have a bit of a later bedtime so I’m keeping him awake as long as possible .

Show quote history

Concussion management involves no screen, give the injured brain some rest. Dark room and lots of sleep.

I wouldn’t trifle with a head injury and I would have kept my child resting - yours seems to have been doing a lot.

Get it checked out by a healthcare professional and stop letting him access screens/books for a few days if he’s diagnosed with a concussion.

Google SIS:

„Secondary impact trauma" generally refers to two distinct, severe conditions depending on the context: Second Impact Syndrome (SIS) (physical brain injury) or Secondary Traumatic Stress(psychological trauma). SIS is a rare, often fatal, rapid brain swelling occurring when a second concussion happens before a first is healed.

Fredthefrog · 22/04/2026 19:49

Sounds like the symptoms haven't changed from when he went before ... he was dizzy before and was fine and is still dizzy...nothing has changed since going to a&e. That would make me wait for a change in symptoms

SnappyQuoter · 22/04/2026 19:48

Your 12 year old started crying about his eye? When there was clearly absolutely nothing wrong, just to get a day off? I cannot remember the last time my 12 year old son cried. Same with his older brother. That’s really not normal. A 12 year old boy crying in his way out of hospital, whinging about a sore eye when literally nothing happened other than his contact falling out… it’s weird.

Have you actually talked to him about this behaviour? Boy who cried wolf and all of that? And also just how pathetic that behaviour is?

Original poster
Happypomegranates · 22/04/2026 19:47

hellomylov3 · 22/04/2026 19:42

I would tell him he can have the day off and not bother with a& e unless he starts showing worrying symptoms. It's awful all round to waste their time just to get a day off. He needs to learn this before he becomes a hypochondriac. There are people with actual serious issues needing a&e.

I don’t want to give him the day off , unnecessarily. The hospital said he is fine to go to school just to let them know to keep a closer eye on him for 48 hours. I have been really strict since starting secondary as I work full time and Nan did the school runs in primary and he would quite easily get days off by saying he was ill and Nan taking him to the doctors ( thinking she was doing what was best ) but it affected his attendance . I am very strict now and always say “ if you’re ill , they will send you home “ unless I can tell he’s genuinely unwell. I fear if I do it now it will become a thing and he will know what to say at school when he has head bump, to get time off .

I hate sounding so negative but I really want him to have good attendance and do well at school

OP posts:
Moonnstarz · 22/04/2026 19:46

Also to add, does he know the boy who cried wolf story? If he carries on making a fuss over small ailments there is a good chance one day when he does get properly hurt you won't believe him.

hellomylov3 · 22/04/2026 19:42

I would tell him he can have the day off and not bother with a& e unless he starts showing worrying symptoms. It's awful all round to waste their time just to get a day off. He needs to learn this before he becomes a hypochondriac. There are people with actual serious issues needing a&e.

Original poster
Happypomegranates · 22/04/2026 19:41

Octavia64 · 22/04/2026 18:40

The advice you were given by the hospital is standard head injury advice.

it’s possible for injuries to the brain to show after 24-48 hours which is why they tell you to come back if you get any of those symptoms as brain injury is obviously serious.

You do need to get him seen. It’s probably a temporary brain injury (also known as comcussion) but head bumps can cause permanent brain injuries.

sorry.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/head-injury-and-concussion/

He doesn’t have any of these symptoms though . He says “ I still feel dizzy “ but this is why he went to the hospital , because - as has been clarified more now - he bumped heads with another child and they asked him “ do you feel dizzy or anything ? “ and he said yes . He was completely fine in himself when he went , was checked over .

OP posts:
Moonnstarz · 22/04/2026 19:41

So he has been checked, but you think he will want to go back again?
Yeah I think you ignore that. The only thing I would do is mention it to his form tutor in case anything happens at school (I work in a primary school and we had a child have a nose bleed. As they hadn't had one before we did call home on this occasion which was just as well, as unknown to us the child had a fall the day before at home and been taken to hospital and checked, but told to return if anything like a nose bleed etc happened).

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