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Original poster

To think it’s not insensitive to say I’ve always prioritised saving?

88 replies

ByFairCat · 22/04/2026 14:04

Me and a friend were talking about money recently and I mentioned that I’ve always prioritised saving, regardless of what salary I’ve been on. Even when it’s been small amounts, I’ve preferred to spend less so I could build some kind of buffer. For me, it’s about the security of knowing I could manage for a while if something went wrong. I also said I understand that not everyone has enough money to save but I don’t always understand spending large amounts on non-essentials if it means having nothing put aside. My friend said I was being insensitive.
I don’t feel like I was judging anyone, I was just explaining how I approach money based on my own experiences.

AIBU to think that’s not insensitive? She’s not spoken to me since and it seems that this has caused the end of our friendship.

OP posts:
Itsmetheflamingo · 22/04/2026 14:16

Thing is what you’re saying is you always prioritised saving even if it was only say £10 a month.

but it’s not worth saving £10 a month - it won’t give you any security- so it seems a disingenuous add to the conversation. You know you’ve always had enough spare to save a decent amount. That’s not prioritising really, that’s just having spare money

Original poster
ByFairCat · 22/04/2026 14:15

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It was just a general conversation about money and saving habits, nothing specific had happened.

OP posts:
GodDamnitDonut · 22/04/2026 14:15

I agree that context is very important.
I personally have s sceptical approach based on personal experience, as two members of my family with the biggest savings pots are both single parents who rely on UC and significant support from the family. They also „prioritise savings” while pleading single-parents poverty on any possible occasion and openly asking for support from the family eg expensive Christmas or birthday presents or subsidising travel. I only found out last year that one of them has bigger amount in savings than I do and she is considered the „poor one”.

In general though saving money is encouraged and if people can do it without placing burden on others (including the state) than yes absolutely go for it.

Kingdomofsleep · 22/04/2026 14:14

It is a bit smug...on its own it's not a big deal but if you are habitually smug then that isn't fun to be around and your friend might have just had enough.

I'm not saying you are. I'm just suggesting a possible explanation based your limited details

Bered · 22/04/2026 14:13

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Huckleberries · 22/04/2026 14:11

what a nightmare

My best friend is acting funny about money

I've known her for 30 years

Makes very good money, spend it all

Now getting very upset that other people have retirement plans. She could've had exactly the same plans. She thought it was more important to spend £400 on the suitcase that she was taking on her very expensive holiday.

I don't understand it either, but I learned very quickly, after an emotional outburst from her at dinner with my family, that we should never speak of it

If she wants to say she can't afford to retire - which is technically true because she spent all her money - then we just have to listen sympathetically otherwise the friendship will be over

Is there no way you can get your friendship back? What a sad thing to happen

Original poster
ByFairCat · 22/04/2026 14:11

MidnightPatrol · 22/04/2026 14:06

I suspect there is some context missing here…

Had your friend just shared that she was unable to afford a massive bill or had gone into debt or something?

No, nothing like that. It was just a general conversation about money and how we each approach it. I wasn’t responding to her being in difficulty or anything like that.

OP posts:
Bered · 22/04/2026 14:10

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viques · 22/04/2026 14:10

What you said and what you do are both perfectly reasonable. And neither are insensitive.

Insensitive would have been telling her that you like to buy a wrap of cocaine on the last Friday night before pay day with any spare cash. Or you have an account at the bookies and think betting is more fun than saving, or that you overspend your income every month and have a huge credit card debt as a result. Any of which could be triggering and insensitive.

Blimms · 22/04/2026 14:09

When you said you don’t understand others people’s decisions, that was a judgement

LittleMissClutter · 22/04/2026 14:08

Well if it's caused the end of your friendship, you've either left out a shit ton of info, or you were never friends to begin with.

SailingYachty · 22/04/2026 14:07

No that in itself doesn’t sound like you were being insensitive, but it’s all about context! Is your friend on a low income and concerned about it? Did you come across as lecturing them on how great you are at handling money?

MidnightPatrol · 22/04/2026 14:06

I suspect there is some context missing here…

Had your friend just shared that she was unable to afford a massive bill or had gone into debt or something?